How does a parent recover from this?

[Anonymous]

What do the police say? I would try to find a way to get him out of the house for the immediate future- a residential mental facility or some kind of hardcore boot camp thing. All the kids need individual counseling immediately and also family therapy. I think the fact that the daughters aren't saying no and acting shocked that she would even ask such questions are telling.

[Anonymous]

I am sorry I am NOT buying this.

So you are telling us the little girls parents are 1) not pressing charges and 2) not following up with CPS. You can damn well bet that if this did happen those little girls parents would have it out for your nephew.

Sorry not buying this! And you have disclosed WAY too much detail too freely.

[Anonymous]

I posted before I read the entire thread. Now I think that he has def done this to his sisters and maybe brother. Do not let your kids around any of her kids- don't limit it to the 16 yo. If your sister isn't going to do anything then you can't force her. I would be tempted to call CPS in her state though and report it. Doesn't she care about her other kids? Was she sexually abused as a child?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I posted before I read the entire thread. Now I think that he has def done this to his sisters and maybe brother. Do not let your kids around any of her kids- don't limit it to the 16 yo. If your sister isn't going to do anything then you can't force her. I would be tempted to call CPS in her state though and report it. Doesn't she care about her other kids? Was she sexually abused as a child?

You clearly did not read the entire thread. The sister is the one who called the police. The police referred the case to CPS. CPS seems to have decided not to follow up about it. The parents of the girl in question do not seem to be taking it seriously either. The sister is taking it seriously.

I grew up in a small town and none of this surprises me in the slightest. If the parents do not see it as a problem, the others may not. It may turn into a situation of "that weird kid who did that creepy thing" but in the town where I grew up, where there were rampant issues with substance abuse and inappropriate relationships between older men and younger girls, where there were known and ignored issues with children who were seriously abused by their parents, siblings, grandparents, etc., this situation may not seem all that frightening.

Not saying this is the case for all small towns or even the OP's sister's town, but it was definitely the case in the town where I lived.

[Anonymous]

Everyone, including the OP, are saying CPS isn't doing anything because they haven't contacted OP's sister yet.

OP, from what I know of CPS, they are overworked and totally behind in a lot of areas. This isn't a case where someone was raped, in the hospital, or needing immediate removal from a home. I would bet that CPS has NOT dropped it, but it's on the "not an immediate emergency, but we will get to it" pile.

I agree with everyone that your sister is great, and you should keep telling her that. I also think that you should support her, tell her you love her, and even if it's hard to, tell her you still love your nephew and want him to get the help he needs. I suggest you tell her that it may be as "simple" as controlling his impulses, but so that he doesn't grow up to be a rapist/pedophile, that she should support AND LOVE him by getting him the therapy he needs now. Suggest out patient therapy as a start. If that therapist thinks he needs in-house treatment (or whatever it's called), that will be a recommendation made by a professional. None of us, you, or even your sister are qualified to decide how intensive his treatment needs to be.

I would also stay away from talking about authorities (CPS/Police) - Let them handle it. It's their job. Your sister's job (and yours, as a helpful aunt/sister) is to get your nephew whatever help he needs.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am sorry I am NOT buying this.

So you are telling us the little girls parents are 1) not pressing charges and 2) not following up with CPS. You can damn well bet that if this did happen those little girls parents would have it out for your nephew.

Sorry not buying this! And you have disclosed WAY too much detail too freely.

Nobody is forcing you to read it! If you don't think it's real, then stop reading it. You're being a jerk by posting to say you don't believe it. It's an anonymous forum, so OP probably feels ok posting details. People have responded anonymously that they experienced abuse. Just because it's not something you understand does not mean it's not real!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am sorry I am NOT buying this.

So you are telling us the little girls parents are 1) not pressing charges and 2) not following up with CPS. You can damn well bet that if this did happen those little girls parents would have it out for your nephew.

Sorry not buying this! And you have disclosed WAY too much detail too freely.

Nobody is forcing you to read it! If you don't think it's real, then stop reading it. You're being a jerk by posting to say you don't believe it. It's an anonymous forum, so OP probably feels ok posting details. People have responded anonymously that they experienced abuse. Just because it's not something you understand does not mean it's not real!

And guess what...it might not be real! And since this is a public forum I can express what I want to and there have been other posters that have suspicion about this thread as well and someone also questioned it in website feedback. Just because its posted on an anonymous forum does not make it real!

[Anonymous]

This boy was likely molested himself. Your sister should ask him about this.

[Anonymous]

OP, you can call CPS and report as well, and keep calling until they do something. I would also talk confidentially to the school counselor at the elementary school where the victim goes, and have them report it as well. It sounds like the story is out in the community anyway. If CPS gets multiple calls about a sexual assault on a minor they can't do nothing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am sorry I am NOT buying this.

So you are telling us the little girls parents are 1) not pressing charges and 2) not following up with CPS. You can damn well bet that if this did happen those little girls parents would have it out for your nephew.

Sorry not buying this! And you have disclosed WAY too much detail too freely.

Nobody is forcing you to read it! If you don't think it's real, then stop reading it. You're being a jerk by posting to say you don't believe it. It's an anonymous forum, so OP probably feels ok posting details. People have responded anonymously that they experienced abuse. Just because it's not something you understand does not mean it's not real!

And guess what...it might not be real! And since this is a public forum I can express what I want to and there have been other posters that have suspicion about this thread as well and someone also questioned it in website feedback. Just because its posted on an anonymous forum does not make it real!

Man, for someone who thinks it's fake, you sure are obsessed. It's weird. If I read something that is not only extremely disturbing, but also FAKE, I don't feel the need to keep coming back to read AND post! You're a strange person..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP,
It may be for the best if the police let the parents handle it. I REALLY hate to say this, but I went through this as a child as well. I was abused from age 7-11ish and I finally spoke up and told a friend and my mom found out. She went to the police and I ended up having to go to court and face the person who did this to me and he denied it. It was humiliating and traumatic for me. I still believe it affects me today (many, many years later). I resent my mom for how this was handled. Nothing happened to the person who abused me. I think it's best to let the victims mother handle it. As far as your nephew, I don't know what to say. That's tough. What a horrible situation for everyone involved.

This is called "disclosure trauma." It is common in child victims of sexual assault. The kids often say that the freak-out and reaction among adults is more traumatic than the actual abuse itself. Going to court, talking to CPS, seeing therapists, your mother telling you that you have been damaged for life, having a family member go to prison, family members fighting over what happened -- all of those things can be more traumatic for a kid than the sexual abuse itself. It's important to tread carefully and calmly when handling a child's disclosure.

Yep. This is exactly why I never reported my older brother for molesting me. It would have destroyed my family and any shred of a chance I would have had of having a halfway tolerable childhood. I knew this even at age 12. My family was very dysfunctional - alcoholic parents, no money, lots of chaos - and I clung to the only vestiges of safety and peace I had. I ate comfort food to cope and pretended nothing was wrong. And I am still fat now, but I think I did the best I could to protect myself and protect what little safety and security I had in life, even though I was unsafe in many ways.

That truth may bother some people, but even at 43 I look back now and know I did the right thing for myself. Disclosure would have been far, far worse for me than silence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP,
It may be for the best if the police let the parents handle it. I REALLY hate to say this, but I went through this as a child as well. I was abused from age 7-11ish and I finally spoke up and told a friend and my mom found out. She went to the police and I ended up having to go to court and face the person who did this to me and he denied it. It was humiliating and traumatic for me. I still believe it affects me today (many, many years later). I resent my mom for how this was handled. Nothing happened to the person who abused me. I think it's best to let the victims mother handle it. As far as your nephew, I don't know what to say. That's tough. What a horrible situation for everyone involved.

As a parent, your mom did the right thing. She should have reported it. She cannot change how the police decided to handle it but that is not fair to blame your mom who tried her best to support you. You are blaming the wrong person.

I don't want to make this about me, but I feel the need to respond and let you know that you do not have all the information. She reported it for the wrong reason and I know this for a fact. Trust me when I tell you that you have no idea the dysfunction of this situation. Trust me.

I trust you, PP. I'm sorry this happened to you, all of it. I hope you have found peace later in life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am sorry I am NOT buying this.

So you are telling us the little girls parents are 1) not pressing charges and 2) not following up with CPS. You can damn well bet that if this did happen those little girls parents would have it out for your nephew.

Sorry not buying this! And you have disclosed WAY too much detail too freely.

Nobody is forcing you to read it! If you don't think it's real, then stop reading it. You're being a jerk by posting to say you don't believe it. It's an anonymous forum, so OP probably feels ok posting details. People have responded anonymously that they experienced abuse. Just because it's not something you understand does not mean it's not real!

And guess what...it might not be real! And since this is a public forum I can express what I want to and there have been other posters that have suspicion about this thread as well and someone also questioned it in website feedback. Just because its posted on an anonymous forum does not make it real!

Man, for someone who thinks it's fake, you sure are obsessed. It's weird. If I read something that is not only extremely disturbing, but also FAKE, I don't feel the need to keep coming back to read AND post! You're a strange person..

This has got to be a joke or you are insane. You think I am obsessed because I am posting a response to you? You do realize you are on a message board correct? WOW go take your meds lady!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I really think that OP is a troll.

I honestly don't understand why people are thinking this. Of all the things that could be fabricated on DCUM, why this? If this happened to my family member, I would desperately need an anonymous, safe place to make a primal scream and ask for support, anonymously. The situation itself is quite plausible. If one in 4 girls is molested during her life, who do you think is doing the molesting? Many, many people are related to perpetrators. It's nearly as common as victimization...I mean, allowing for multiple victims of the same perpetrators, it's still a pretty good guess that 1 in 8 or 1 in 10 people would be associated with a perpetrator, right? Nothing in this smells trollish to me at all, I'm sorry to say.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am sorry I am NOT buying this.

So you are telling us the little girls parents are 1) not pressing charges and 2) not following up with CPS. You can damn well bet that if this did happen those little girls parents would have it out for your nephew.

Sorry not buying this! And you have disclosed WAY too much detail too freely.

OP does not deserve this kind of response. First of all, she's disclosed nothing at all identifying. Do you think there is only one teenage boy who has molested a pre-teen girl in a small town in America? Please. This happens a LOT.

Secondly, I am a parent who also has an experience as having been sexually abused, and I do not at all have certainty that I would press charges in this case. My first priority would be to avoid further traumatizing my child, and I am an educated, involved, committed parent who would be 100% focused on supporting my child after a trauma like this. Do you lack all empathy to realize that not all children have this kind of a committed, involved, caring parent? It sounds like the mother of the victim has a LOT of issues. It is entirely plausible to me that she may not have the mental or emotional capacity to consider pressing charges on behalf of her child, especially since the coping mechanism she seems to employ for dealing with her own rape is to dismiss the severity of the molestation of her daughter. Again, not implausible at ALL if you have been a victim yourself or know about the psychological complexities a survivor faces.