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Elementary School-Aged Kids
How does a parent recover from this?
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Anonymous
It is not a joke, and you are an incredibly insensitive person to come on here and accuse OP of being a troll and make jokes about mental health issues (telling me to go take my meds). I think you need to calm down and stop looking for controversy. |
Anonymous
Very well said! |
Anonymous
LADY GET A GRIP!!!!! |
Anonymous
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Anonymous
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Charles Blow of the NYT has a new book out that addresses this issue in his own life. He did have the creepy cousin. It may be worth listening to the interview about this issue.
http://www.npr.org/2014/09/24/350968098/after-childhood-abuse-times-columnist-says-he-chose-life-over-vengeance |
Anonymous
Actually every time someone doesn't report is another reason men keep doing it. I would feel obligated for other kids who are getting abused to stand up for myself. Sounds like you lived a whole life in depression while your brother has no idea what he did was truly wrong and will probably molest little kids. I understand why you did it but it benefits everyone but you, including the abuser |
Anonymous
| Omg this post is keeping me up at night. How awful. |
Anonymous
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OP. You have gotten lots of advice on this thread, but the best is from the PP who recommended that your sister hire an attorney. All of the well-meaning suggestions to get counseling either private or thru the school, talk to the parents, contact CPS again, etc., have SERIOUS legal implications.
Your sister needs legal counsel to guide her thru interactions with CPS, the other parent, the school, and to get help for her own child. Your sister should not feel like engaging an attorney is an admission of guilt nor should she feel like it somehow shelters her son from the consequences of his behavior. An attorney experienced in these kinds of situations can not only deal with the legal consequences, but can help guide her to the most appropriate place for support for the son and siblings. The kindest thing that you can do for your sister is help her get good counsel and help her pay for it, if need be. I cannot emphasize this enough. |
Anonymous
+1. |
Anonymous
| Therapists are obligated to report any child abuse they learn of to law enforcement. If the boy gets intensive therapy, aren't the therapists obligated ethically to report the abuse? |
Anonymous
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OP: Two quick shares.
1. I know a guy who, at 12, forced a 5y old cousin (also male) to preform oral sex. No body believed 5 yer old and as adult, the younger person is pretty sure older was a vic himself. We kept out children away from older b/c we are not sure he wouldn't reoffend. Pisses off family but whatever. 2. As a 12 yr old I was molested, not raped and I"m still pissed the perp only got mental health care and not jail. and I"m 40. (no, I don't need therapy but it does give me perspective on making sure as a parent we seek justice for our kids). |
Anonymous
NP - I cannot read one more post without asking: HAS CPS TALKED TO YOUR NEICES YET??? Or at least has your sister taken them to a counselor and encouraged them to tell the truth, without her in the room???? I'm extremely concerned that there are other young girls in the home and they refused to answer when your sister asked them if anything's ever happened with them!!! That is NOT a good sign. Also OP, I hate to break this to you, but if the girls wouldn't talk to their mom, it's very very possible your sister is aware of abuse that's happened before (possibly to her son who now assaulted the girl, but possibly also to her daughters) and they are not speaking up now because they have spoken up in the past and either been ignored or punished. As much as I know you want to support your sister, you really need to support your sister in supporting ALL her kids, not just the son who's accused but the girls who have been in the same home their whole lives with him. They need a safe place to at least process what their brother is going through and the effect on them, if not also any bad experiences they themselves have had. One PP asked you if you'd ever consider having the girls come visit you for a little while. I think that would be an amazing way of helping your sister out if you can swing it and it can work with school. Keep in mind you need to talk to your own daughter(s) in age-appropriate ways to make sure they are protected (if your neices have been abused, they also could potentially abuse although many many abuse victims never abuse others). Has anyone gotten your neices in a safe place and interviewed them about their own experiences? It needs to happen ASAP! |
Anonymous
DP - I understand PP's desire to help OP help her sister to cover her legal you-know-what. But guess what? The mental health of the accused son, his siblings, and the mom are all MORE IMPORTANT than the legal angles on this. Sure, OP can encourage her sister to get a lawyer and help her pay for it. She probably does need a good lawyer to understand what to do. But getting help for her kids and herself is far far FAR more important to both manage what has already occurred as well as help her son not to offend again. Do NOT make getting a lawyer more important than getting mental health support for each kid and the sister herself. That is the most importance in both the short and the long run. The lawyer is important too, but it is not the most important. |
Anonymous
No, not well said, not at all! DP - PP who has been abused above, I do totally agree that the mother of the victim in OP's situation clearly has her own issues and I understand that you sympathize with the weight of what it would mean to report to CPS and her decision not to. What I do NOT agree with and what is NOT ok is that every single person in this situation who knows what happened and doesn't report it to CPS is doing 2 damaging things: 1) dismissing the experience of the victim: what did she report? Was she upset about it? Now that other kids may know, is she being teased about it? What is she learning abotu sexual abuse here? Mainly she's apparently learning that even her own mother can know about it and dismiss it and down-play it, ,and that she will NOT be protected if it occurs again; and 2) OP's offending nephew is learning that he can keep doing this, may get a slap on the hand, but mainly people are too freaked out about sexual abuse so he will probably continue to get away with it, but probably choose his victims and situation more carefully in the future. AND he is NOT getting any therapy or counseling for any abuse he may have suffer that has led to his own abusive actions. The equation is simple: not acting in cases of known sexual abuse leaves both the victim, the perpetrator, and future victims of the perpetrator UN-supported and UN-addressed and VULNERABLE to futher abuse/abusing. Not acting is unacceptable. Family and friends looking for how to be supportive must support whoever they are related to here in making sure all vulnerable kids are treated with kindness, listened to, and counseled. They cannot let other family express anger or get into fights. The responsibility for the situation is squarely on the boy and any family member who knew of any abuse of him prior or any abuse he's done since. If anyone wants to get mad,, they need to focus on those parties, although the boy is still a boy and clearly needs help and support as well. The victim needs the love and support of her family and friends, focus on that. But DO SOMETHING! |
Anonymous
You are living in a bubble of bizarre denial and you probably have your reasons, but we DO know it actually happened because OP's sister discovered it herself!!! What part of "She reported it to police, not the other child's parent" don't you understand? Questions about the overall validity of this thread aside (i.e. whether it's a real situation or not), the details within the situation are that it DID happen. So stop acting as if that's in question. Beyond that, again, you may have your reasons for minimizing this but there are already numerous people in this thread testifying to the fact that incidents of sexual abuse DO have life-long effects. Sexual abuse needs to be taken incredibly seriously, as the stakes and effects are incredibly high for both victims and perpetrators. OPs sister is brave for reporting, but she must not fall into a place of minimizing what happened, especially if her own girls won't answer whether they've been inappropriately touched as well. Even if the boy was abused himself, his current and any future victims deserve protection, just like he should have been protected. He needs to be counseled and his behaviors addressed and monitored, not swept under the rug which basically guarantees he'll abuse again. |