How does a parent recover from this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some of this is out of all of your hands too, right? It has to do with whether the victim's family presses charges, which they have every right to do.

In addition to a therapist, your sister's family needs a lawyer. Obviously the kid needs therapy, rehabilitation and punishment, but you need someone to help you navigate all of that. My dad was a public defender for years. There are good ones. They can help your sister figure out how to reach out to the victim's family (if appropriate) without aggravating the situation in a legal sense.

All of the legal stuff is out of my hands. Hell, it's out of my league, even wrapping my head around it.
My sister is the one who told the little girls mother. My sister stated the mom said "I was raped as a kid and I turned out fine so it's no big deal"
Horrifying, I know. My sister is who called the police and the police in turn called CPS.

Wow. Your sister has incredible integrity. I would be proud to have a sister like that.

+1 Indeed.

I agree. She's amazing. My heart goes out to all of you. I wish you all the best, with supportive and rehabilitative therapy. My neighbor was milested by a teen boy when I was a kid. The victim in tip urn went on to molest a three year old when he was about 12. He then had intensive therapy and supports for years. He's married and as far as I know has never repeated his offense. I think the odds are against rehabilitation for adults, but I hope if caught early, people can get better.

[Anonymous]

Let her know you want to help!

Tell her that it isn't her fault- some people turn into monsters not because of parenting. I'd imagine that he is going to jail for quite a while, help her get over her son.

Think of it this way: she just lost her son. Support her in the same way you would had her son died.

[Anonymous]

OP here with an update I don't know how to process. CPS won't take the case. I don't know why. My nephew is with my sister right now, and the other children are in the home. CPS never even showed up today, and the police said its a CPS case, they aren't going to press charges. What in the world?! I am completely numb. Is there no one who wants to get my nephew help? My sister has changed her mind, she wants it all to go away and it looks like that's going to happen.

[Anonymous]

This is bizarre. OP, what exactly happened between your nephew and the girl?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is bizarre. OP, what exactly happened between your nephew and the girl?

He went into the room where the girls were sleeping and took his penis out of his shorts (those elastic waist soccer type ones) and took the little girls panties down and had her hands on his penis masturbating him. I don't know if he touched her vagina. I didn't ask and honestly, I don't want to know.

[Anonymous]

He is a pedophile. This isn't the first time he has done this or thought about it. Why isn't she protecting her other children!? This won't be the last time either if he does't get help. Do something! If not you, then who?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

He is a pedophile. This isn't the first time he has done this or thought about it. Why isn't she protecting her other children!? This won't be the last time either if he does't get help. Do something! If not you, then who?

OP here and this is what my biggest fear is, and I'm afraid you are right. This isn't his first time and I am so afraid it won't be his last. I live thousands of miles away from my sister right now, other than talking to her until I'm blue in the face there isn't anything I can do. I did look up therapists around where she lives and sent them to her and also flat told her her son needs intensive inpatient care. None of it was well received. I don't know how I would handle or act if this was my son, but I can't stomach just sweeping it away. This is someone's daughter he hurt.

[Anonymous]

Who the hell are you, OP? Is this for real? Why the hell are you on this board and why are you revealing as much as you are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who the hell are you, OP? Is this for real? Why the hell are you on this board and why are you revealing as much as you are.

Because I have NO ONE I can talk to about this PP. Your nephew sexually assaulting a kid isn't exaxtly run of the mill conversation.
Christ, I came here to vent my fears and get suggestions.

[Anonymous]

Did the other girls (her own daughters) see this happening or hear it? Does your sister know that? Did they try to stop their brother or call their mom or anything? If the daughters are aware of this issue -- either this time or any previous time -- it's likely they need therapy too and if he isn't going to be removed from the home, they need to learn how to "protect" themselves from him.

If CPS isn't handling this bc they're over-booked or bc there aren't charges being pressed or whatever and she can't independently afford therapy -- she at least needs to teach her daughters that if their brother tries to do anything to them, they must immediately come get her. If they can't for some reason -- they need to be taught to kick this kid in the balls hard bc that'll at least let them get away.

[Anonymous]

Isn't it a good thing that they aren't pressing charges from your family's perspective? I think it is odd that the other mom has a "no big deal" view, but honestly that's that family's problem -- your sister has enough to worry about. If the family/the state isn't pressing charges (is that final - can they change their mind for a period of time) and CPS isn't getting involved -- that's the best of all worlds in terms of preserving "normalcy" without having the state breathing down your sister's neck.

Now what your sister needs is "just" treatment for her son and protecting the other kids. I know you mentioned state health insurance, but that must have some mental health coverage right? I imagine that must entitle him to state mental hospitals? Not the sexiest but I imagine she can get him an appointment with a counselor there and see what they say, no? Also can't she get "therapy" for the other kids through school counselors? Obviously she'd have to reveal to the school what happened but now she can do it by saying -- police has been involved and CPS has passed -- but we need help from a day-to-day perspective. I know they aren't therapists, but they may have some thoughts on how to cope at home, how to separate the kids -- maybe keep the younger kids at school for as long as humanly possible so they aren't ever at the house w their brother unless their mom is also home from work.

[Anonymous]

Sick troll people sick troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here with an update I don't know how to process. CPS won't take the case. I don't know why. My nephew is with my sister right now, and the other children are in the home. CPS never even showed up today, and the police said its a CPS case, they aren't going to press charges. What in the world?! I am completely numb. Is there no one who wants to get my nephew help? My sister has changed her mind, she wants it all to go away and it looks like that's going to happen.

Troll troll troll troll

You know OP, you can call the police where you sister lives. Tell them exactly what you told us (soccer shorts and all) and they will go talk to him. That is what a good sister would do.

[Anonymous]

Was your nephew in counseling due to being abused by his father? Can that counselor help his siblings?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Read up on it. Everything you can. Get yourself into therapy for a short term, just to handle the rolling feelings of disgust that have beset you.

Can you imagine allowing the son to spend time with you in the future, maybe as a way of getting intensive therapy in your area and allowing the immediate family to find their own way to cope?

Right now, give yourself the time and space to absorb this event. I don't know the details (and really, really don't want to, thanks), but you are stuck with some horrible images in your head. Get yourself the help that you need so that you can be a resource to your sister.

Best of luck to you all.

This sounds so horrible, I can't believe I'm even thinking this, but no, my nephew can never stay with me. I have a child the same age as his victim, and I just can't.

And dont ever, evER doubt that decision. Protect your children.