How does a parent recover from this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, this is true. There was a mom on NPR (either the Dianne Rheam or Kojo show) who's teenaged babysitter had been sexually molesting her son. I can't remember her name, but I think her family ended up moving to Florida. But she was so courageous to go public with her story and try to get help for others.

I can't find the story in the archives, but it probably would be helpful OP if someone can find it.

Had they lived in Bethesda? I remember a 13 yo boy in Bethesda who was miler ting toddler boys while babysitting them from a few years ago.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, this is true. There was a mom on NPR (either the Dianne Rheam or Kojo show) who's teenaged babysitter had been sexually molesting her son. I can't remember her name, but I think her family ended up moving to Florida. But she was so courageous to go public with her story and try to get help for others.

I can't find the story in the archives, but it probably would be helpful OP if someone can find it.

Had they lived in Bethesda? I remember a 13 yo boy in Bethesda who was miler ting toddler boys while babysitting them from a few years ago.

13 yo baby sitting toddlers who was molesting them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Man this post is creepy and how many people saying they were abused following up on it.

He sounds despicable. I would want my own child in rehab/jail if they did this.

Really? I feel a lot of compassion for the boy who may either be being falsley accused, or a victim of prior abuse, or just a boy who did something incredibly impulsive and dumb. Per the description this does not sound like a life altering event for the girl.

You have no idea if it is going to be life-altering. I can't imagine how it could not be. She is so young now. I am sorry but I feel no compassion for men, teens, boys that abuse girls. Sorry none. If the rest of the world felt the same way maybe there wouldn't be so many around and getting slap on the wrists or nothing at all. Very sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Man this post is creepy and how many people saying they were abused following up on it.

He sounds despicable. I would want my own child in rehab/jail if they did this.

That's a little insensitive, don't you think?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Man this post is creepy and how many people saying they were abused following up on it.

He sounds despicable. I would want my own child in rehab/jail if they did this.

Really? I feel a lot of compassion for the boy who may either be being falsley accused, or a victim of prior abuse, or just a boy who did something incredibly impulsive and dumb. Per the description this does not sound like a life altering event for the girl.

You have no idea if it is going to be life-altering. I can't imagine how it could not be. She is so young now. I am sorry but I feel no compassion for men, teens, boys that abuse girls. Sorry none. If the rest of the world felt the same way maybe there wouldn't be so many around and getting slap on the wrists or nothing at all. Very sad.

You have no idea what actually happened. It could be a false accusation. It could be that the boy was abused himself (op said as much). 16 is still very young.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Man this post is creepy and how many people saying they were abused following up on it.

He sounds despicable. I would want my own child in rehab/jail if they did this.

Really? I feel a lot of compassion for the boy who may either be being falsley accused, or a victim of prior abuse, or just a boy who did something incredibly impulsive and dumb. Per the description this does not sound like a life altering event for the girl.

You have no idea if it is going to be life-altering. I can't imagine how it could not be. She is so young now. I am sorry but I feel no compassion for men, teens, boys that abuse girls. Sorry none. If the rest of the world felt the same way maybe there wouldn't be so many around and getting slap on the wrists or nothing at all. Very sad.

You have no idea what actually happened. It could be a false accusation. It could be that the boy was abused himself (op said as much). 16 is still very young.

He was caught. It wasn't a he said she said.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some of this is out of all of your hands too, right? It has to do with whether the victim's family presses charges, which they have every right to do.

In addition to a therapist, your sister's family needs a lawyer. Obviously the kid needs therapy, rehabilitation and punishment, but you need someone to help you navigate all of that. My dad was a public defender for years. There are good ones. They can help your sister figure out how to reach out to the victim's family (if appropriate) without aggravating the situation in a legal sense.

All of the legal stuff is out of my hands. Hell, it's out of my league, even wrapping my head around it.
My sister is the one who told the little girls mother. My sister stated the mom said "I was raped as a kid and I turned out fine so it's no big deal"
Horrifying, I know. My sister is who called the police and the police in turn called CPS.

Wow. Your sister has incredible integrity. I would be proud to have a sister like that.

+1 Admitting and accepting the consequences is a good lesson for her son too. You guys sound like a great family! Good people make mistakes. And, people do forgive. Hugs to all!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No practical advice but to answer the original question in the title ...

npr recently had a story that said most people will go back to the same state of happiness they once had 3 months after a very traumatic event. So with that in mind, apparently the parent will recover in a few months.

Intertesting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wonder if the little girl is being abused by someone else. Either in a half asleep stupor and saw nephew and it brought on the memories of abuse or in a cry for help. Cops investigated and either found story was false or she was being abused by someone else. CPS is investigating her family but cops aren't at liberty to discuss it with sister.

OP, did the nephew say he did it?

OP here. Yes, although at first he denied it then confessed. My sister asked him why, and he said "I don't know why"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Man this post is creepy and how many people saying they were abused following up on it.

He sounds despicable. I would want my own child in rehab/jail if they did this.

Really? I feel a lot of compassion for the boy who may either be being falsley accused, or a victim of prior abuse, or just a boy who did something incredibly impulsive and dumb. Per the description this does not sound like a life altering event for the girl.

You have no idea if it is going to be life-altering. I can't imagine how it could not be. She is so young now. I am sorry but I feel no compassion for men, teens, boys that abuse girls. Sorry none. If the rest of the world felt the same way maybe there wouldn't be so many around and getting slap on the wrists or nothing at all. Very sad.

You have no idea what actually happened. It could be a false accusation. It could be that the boy was abused himself (op said as much). 16 is still very young.

OP here. My nephew admitted what he did.

He was caught. It wasn't a he said she said.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some of this is out of all of your hands too, right? It has to do with whether the victim's family presses charges, which they have every right to do.

In addition to a therapist, your sister's family needs a lawyer. Obviously the kid needs therapy, rehabilitation and punishment, but you need someone to help you navigate all of that. My dad was a public defender for years. There are good ones. They can help your sister figure out how to reach out to the victim's family (if appropriate) without aggravating the situation in a legal sense.

All of the legal stuff is out of my hands. Hell, it's out of my league, even wrapping my head around it.
My sister is the one who told the little girls mother. My sister stated the mom said "I was raped as a kid and I turned out fine so it's no big deal"
Horrifying, I know. My sister is who called the police and the police in turn called CPS.

Wow. Your sister has incredible integrity. I would be proud to have a sister like that.

+1 Admitting and accepting the consequences is a good lesson for her son too. You guys sound like a great family! Good people make mistakes. And, people do forgive. Hugs to all!

OP here, thank you for your kind words. My sisters family is desperately in need of kind words right now. It's a small town and people are already talking about what happened. My nephew was sent to school yesterday and ended up having to be taken home because of the threats. Not that I don't blame the other children for hating my nephew. A part of me hates him, too, now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Man this post is creepy and how many people saying they were abused following up on it.

He sounds despicable. I would want my own child in rehab/jail if they did this.

That's a little insensitive, don't you think?

OP. You're right PP, it IS creepy and its gut wrenching so many posters have also been sexually abused.
When I posted the OP, I was desperate for answers to help my sister and my nephew. Now I find myself so disgusted and its hardening into hatred. I can't stop looking at my own 9yo and thinking about the little girl. I feel like I'm the one living this nightmare. I can't eat or sleep the last couple of days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, if CPS isn't inclined to act then really all you can do is protect your own kids. You can't force the other girl's parents to press charges, etc.

How sad that this may not even be properly investigated.

OP here. My child will never step foot again anywhere my nephew will be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What type of sexual assault was it op? My cousin at the age of 17 raped a very young girl and he got sentenced to 20 years in prison because the crime was so awful. He stayed in a juvenile facility until age 25 then went to real prison.

Somewhere in the sequence, OP described it as the boy pull it out of his soccer shorts, and masturbated, and had the girl touch it. Somewhat different than raping a small child. (no physical injury).

OP, he did not rape her, but he did use her hand to masturbate himself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, if CPS will not doing anything, if the police will not do anything, if your sister is the only one taking this seriously, then I would say that my advice to her would be to take it seriously.

Her daughters cannot have sleepovers anymore. Her son does not get to have sleepovers or attend them either. Her son needs to go to therapy. The little girl who reported the incident needs to speak to a therapist of some kind.

If this was my child, if I reported what had happened and no one was willing to do anything, I would still do something. The action does not become right just because no other authority figures are willing to do anything about it. My son would go to therapy. He would not be allowed to be alone around other children. It would be difficult, with younger kids and a lot going on, but that is what would need to happen to keep everyone safe.

After years of therapy and no other incidents, I would be willing to allow a seriously fucked up judgment error on the part of my son, but I would never, ever forget it and would have a hard time trusting him again.

OP, this is pretty close to what I told my sister last night, that she is the only one right now that can get my nephew some help.
I am so furious that no one in the position to do so will help.