Weird Playdates - am I overreacting?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Seriously OP, getting outraged that the kids ate more than your allotted 4 chicken nuggets per child is insane. As is hiding away your own child's toys that are "too expensive or too fragile" for kids to play with. What exactly is the point of those toys then? Lots of kids get a little crazy around playdates; not ideal from anyone's perspective, but hardly the stuff of such righteous indignation. I can't imagine what your own child's personality is like that all this comes as such as shock to you, but unless you plan to bubble wrap his childhood, you're going to end up dealing with a lot more tumult than just some excitable kids on a playdate.

Oh come on. My son has some montessori toys (they can be expensive) and he has some instruments that are his "toys" but nonetheless real musical insruments such as a harp and a drum set. He is also into art and has some pottery pieces so I put away his pottery so the kids would not break them. But even when he uses the musical instruments we are there to watch him so he won't break them. These were gifts from my husband and I and his grandparents. Why must I allow other kids access to every expensive toy my son has? Thats ridiculous. Trust me, they had plenty of toys to play with - tinker toys, car racing set, a lincoln logs set, art supplies, many puzzles, a kids computer, toy telescope, board games, construction sets, walkie talkie set, etc...they had enough to keep themselves busy. They don't get automatic access to everything in my home. Give me a break.

OP, new poster to this thread here, and I completely agree with you about putting the more expensive and fragile toys away. That is exactly what I do. And if there are a few toys that are really precious to DC that DC may not want to share, they get put away too. Of course DC has to share toys and play nicely, but that doesn't mean that the other kids get to run roughshod over everything, and it doesn't mean they get a claim on absolutely everything in the house, including every last one of DC's toys. If you put those few toys away ahead of time, the visiting children will never know they were there in the first place, and of course all the kids will still have plenty of toys to play with and share. Seriously, I don't know what the PP who took offense at your putting away a few toys ahead of time is getting so worked up about.

There are a couple of kids my DC is friends with who are not a great personality match, at least in the in-home playdate setting. With those kids I try very hard to see if we can get together in a neutral setting, such as a park or library. When we do the neutral setting thing, everyone - including the kids - seem to have a better time.

Since our DC got to the playdate age, we've had some crazy ones too, so my sympathies!

I take issue with the OP on a few points. I just think the OP needs to chill out some and maybe get some hobbies. Sees like too much of her focus is on this issue. I cannot even begin to fathom putting so much energy and thought into a playdate.

However, I too put away fragile toys. My son is 2.5 and has some real musical instruments he plays with, such as a small guitar, small violin, and real piano keyboard. We are a musical family and my son knows how to treat musical instruments. We have learned the hard way that not all kids his age are gentle with musical instruments. We put those away. It's the same reason I lock the cat up. No every child is taught how to treat things differently, especially young boys.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: this thread makes me sad for kids because it seems like some adults in their lives are so intolerant. kids develop at different paces. they have different needs and abilties and temperaments. let's try not to be annoyed by them and instead, be nururing and helpful and understanding and patient.

I agree - nicely said.

[Anonymous]

After reading all the OP has had to offer, I have really started thinking about what she has said, and her justifications of everything. I wonder if she would have all these issues if she had more than one mild-mannered-bird-like-eating-child? I think the expectations the OP has of other children are only based of the child she has, and not on children as a whole.

We have had two playdates here in the last two days. When the children started getting out of control, or doing things I didn't like, I put a stop to it with a simple "we don't do that here, it's not allowed". When they wanted to go into my room, I stopped them. When the little girl asked for foods she was allergic to, telling me she could eat them, I said no. When she said she wanted more food because her mom doesn't feed her (not true) I offered her more of the things she could eat, and she said no. I could only guess that she wasn't really hungry but hoping to get the things she couldnt have.

As far as the mess goes, especially during a playdate, everything a child takes out gets put back. I have never had any child (other than my own whiny kids) tell me that they wouldn't do that. I think that once the rules are established, playdates with 4/5/6 year olds go pretty easily.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

i'm still trying to figure out what the dad was trying to "weasel."

He probably wanted some chicken nuggets, too.

LOLOL!

[Anonymous]

I feel for you OP - really do, you are such a good sport for taking so much crap -

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: this thread makes me sad for kids because it seems like some adults in their lives are so intolerant. kids develop at different paces. they have different needs and abilties and temperaments. let's try not to be annoyed by them and instead, be nururing and helpful and understanding and patient.

I agree - nicely said.

What I've emphasized in bold suggests that you are supportive of enabling children (accepting bad behavior as the norm).

One play date like the one OP had is the last play date for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:i'm still trying to figure out what the dad was trying to "weasel."

this thread makes me sad for kids because it seems like some adults in their lives are so intolerant. kids develop at different paces. they have different needs and abilties and temperaments. let's try not to be annoyed by them and instead, be nururing and helpful and understanding and patient.

I totally agree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: this thread makes me sad for kids because it seems like some adults in their lives are so intolerant. kids develop at different paces. they have different needs and abilties and temperaments. let's try not to be annoyed by them and instead, be nururing and helpful and understanding and patient.

I agree - nicely said.

What I've emphasized in bold suggests that you are supportive of enabling children (accepting bad behavior as the norm).

One play date like the one OP had is the last play date for me.

HUH?!?! You have got to be kidding me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: this thread makes me sad for kids because it seems like some adults in their lives are so intolerant. kids develop at different paces. they have different needs and abilties and temperaments. let's try not to be annoyed by them and instead, be nururing and helpful and understanding and patient.

I agree - nicely said.

What I've emphasized in bold suggests that you are supportive of enabling children (accepting bad behavior as the norm).

One play date like the one OP had is the last play date for me.

HUH?!?! You have got to be kidding me.

I agree with the earlier poster. I think OP has some issues, but if the "playdate" description was accurate I'd probably not invite these "almost 6 year old" children (I'm assuming they were twins?" over again. Almost 6 year old children - kindergarten aged! - shouldn't be grabbing food off of a playmate's plate. Nor should they be grabbing toys from one another.

OP should screen all future playdates before hand to be sure that they measure up expectations in the manner department, as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: this thread makes me sad for kids because it seems like some adults in their lives are so intolerant. kids develop at different paces. they have different needs and abilties and temperaments. let's try not to be annoyed by them and instead, be nururing and helpful and understanding and patient.

I agree - nicely said.

What I've emphasized in bold suggests that you are supportive of enabling children (accepting bad behavior as the norm).

One play date like the one OP had is the last play date for me.

HUH?!?! You have got to be kidding me.

I agree with the earlier poster. I think OP has some issues, but if the "playdate" description was accurate I'd probably not invite these "almost 6 year old" children (I'm assuming they were twins?" over again. Almost 6 year old children - kindergarten aged! - shouldn't be grabbing food off of a playmate's plate. Nor should they be grabbing toys from one another.

OP should screen all future playdates before hand to be sure that they measure up expectations in the manner department, as well.

Absolutely. In fact why stop there? Why doesn't OP conduct a series of preliminary interviews and generate a multi-category assessment of manners, behavior, compatibility, nugget consumption and defecation habits? I can see it now. Little Bobby sitting in The Chair with a headlamp shining in his face. DO YOU OR DO YOU NOT OCCASIONALLY POOP AROUND 3PM?

Good God.

[Anonymous]

I'm the PP who complained of having to wipe butts, due to poops between the 3-5 pm time frame. Let me clarify: these are kids who should be wiping their own butts. They're not 2, 3, 4, or even newly 5.

These 5.5 - 6 yr olds can poop all they want in my bathroom! And then they should do their very best to get as much poop off as they can manage, pull up their own pants, and go on playing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: this thread makes me sad for kids because it seems like some adults in their lives are so intolerant. kids develop at different paces. they have different needs and abilties and temperaments. let's try not to be annoyed by them and instead, be nururing and helpful and understanding and patient.

I agree - nicely said.

What I've emphasized in bold suggests that you are supportive of enabling children (accepting bad behavior as the norm).

One play date like the one OP had is the last play date for me.

HUH?!?! You have got to be kidding me.

I agree with the earlier poster. I think OP has some issues, but if the "playdate" description was accurate I'd probably not invite these "almost 6 year old" children (I'm assuming they were twins?" over again. Almost 6 year old children - kindergarten aged! - shouldn't be grabbing food off of a playmate's plate. Nor should they be grabbing toys from one another.

OP should screen all future playdates before hand to be sure that they measure up expectations in the manner department, as well.

Absolutely. In fact why stop there? Why doesn't OP conduct a series of preliminary interviews and generate a multi-category assessment of manners, behavior, compatibility, nugget consumption and defecation habits? I can see it now. Little Bobby sitting in The Chair with a headlamp shining in his face. DO YOU OR DO YOU NOT OCCASIONALLY POOP AROUND 3PM?

Good God.

oh my god pp you have totally made my day!

[Anonymous]

It's interesting to see how strong the reactions are here.

With the wildness and destructiveness and overstaying one's welcome, I am completely on the same page. I think that a person's tolerance for this is going to depend in part upon their personality (do you like noise and chaos or not; I hated bars and big parties and now I hate chaotic play dates) and in part upon what they're used to.

I have one bookish, generally well-mannered 5-year-old who plays independently and quietly much of the time. Classic only-child household; our Sunday morning is parents with newspaper, child with art supplies at breakfast table for hours. We're low-key. And I hate play dates that get out of control because that's not what life with kids feels like for me. I also don't like them to go overtime because my daughter still benefits from a nap or at least some afternoon down time.

My solution is to turn the playdate into a less alien situation for our lifestyle. If the weather is bad, I set up an art project and get down on the floor with the kids and do it. Lately we've been painting quite a bit. Stickers are great too. Then I scrub them up and we do a meal. True, that takes away the "playdates are for the grownups to socialize" part of it, but it's fun to play preschool with them, and you can actually chat with another parent while helping glue an eyeball on a pet rock.

The food thing has been beaten to death, but I'll just say that as an Italian Jew, I have never, nor will I ever, serve less than twice as much food as is actually needed, so I guess I can't really comment on that situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: this thread makes me sad for kids because it seems like some adults in their lives are so intolerant. kids develop at different paces. they have different needs and abilties and temperaments. let's try not to be annoyed by them and instead, be nururing and helpful and understanding and patient.

I agree - nicely said.

What I've emphasized in bold suggests that you are supportive of enabling children (accepting bad behavior as the norm).

One play date like the one OP had is the last play date for me.

HUH?!?! You have got to be kidding me.

I agree with the earlier poster. I think OP has some issues, but if the "playdate" description was accurate I'd probably not invite these "almost 6 year old" children (I'm assuming they were twins?" over again. Almost 6 year old children - kindergarten aged! - shouldn't be grabbing food off of a playmate's plate. Nor should they be grabbing toys from one another.

OP should screen all future playdates before hand to be sure that they measure up expectations in the manner department, as well.

Are you serious? I had a playdate today with DC and DC's friend--both in kindergarten and just turned six and usually both pretty well-behaved and totally normal, and neither one is yet out of the grabbing various toys from each other phase. (Agree about the taking of food off another's plate, though.)

[Anonymous]

I don't think it was odd at all for the husband to come in. I certainly would've invited him in, first of all. That's only common courtesy. And since you are obviously entertaining his family, maybe he was curious as to who YOU are. What if they drop the boys off in the future (doesn't sound like it, but...) and he wants to see what kind of environment his kids would be playing in. Maybe they are in need of new friends and thought they'd be social. Maybe they thought you were friendly and interested in getting to know them. It just sounds like you are making all of this way more complicated than it needs to be. Kids come over, you make rules, you enforce rules, you feed them, you get to know their parents and you politely say you have another obligation when it's time to go. it's not rocket science. It's a playdate.

However, on a side note, since the mother was there, she should've controlled her children. If they were as out of control as you say. It is harder to be firm when the parent is there that should be controlling her children.

Otherwise, I think you're over-reacting to everything else.