Weird Playdates - am I overreacting?

[Anonymous]

Am I the only person who has had weird play dates for my DC? Where are the normal moms and their kids? Or am I overreacting?

I had a play date over last week and the two kids were crazy wild. They ran upstairs into our personal rooms, bedrooms searching the rooms for additional toys without my consent, without asking DC for permission first. They stayed for lunch. I allotted four chicken nuggets per kid and also had carrot sticks and fruit. After the two kids ate their portion, they whined for more nuggets. Mom actually asked me if I had any more. I baked some more nuggets. They consumed nearly the entire box of our chicken nuggets.

Most playdates we have over are a little aggressive. They salivate over DC's toys and when DC even plays with his own toys, they snatch it out of his hands repeatedly.

One playdate was over our house with the mom and I expected it to take no more than 2 hours. She stayed for nearly FOUR HOURS. I hinted that DC is getting really tired, had to get him ready for his class...nothing worked. Then her husband picks up their older daughter from practice and stops over at our house. I don't know or care to get to know her husband or their older daughter but somehow they managed to weasle their way into my house to hang out for 30 minutes.

Another play date's mom asked me before she arrived if I could have the food ready and on the table as soon as her children arrived because they were coming from a little further away and her kids would be hungry.

So is it just me or are these playdates weird? Do you guys have weird playdates like this?

[Anonymous]

I do think you're overreacting about the chicken nuggets, LOL. If young children are hungry, I honestly don't get why you would be annoyed that the mother asked you if there were more nuggets to feed them. (I am assuming she asked politely.) When you complain that they ate the whole box, it sounds like you are whining that small children were hungry and had the nerve to eat your food.

[Anonymous]

your playdates sound like HELL! I would only tolerate that from a good friend - but then again they wouldnt even do that to me.
I make it clear the time of the playdate - 12-2, 1-3 you get the point, and I start cleaning up 20 minutes prior - I start with the food and then I go towards the toys. I put all the toys away in closets except for a few non annoying ones when there is no playdate and I make that my hint that it is over if the mom does not look like she is moving.
How old are your kids? I have not had the running into rooms yet, but then again mine is a toddler and I keep them in the basement for the playdate.
The only thing I would comment on if I may on you is that I would have made more nuggets in case someone was still hungry. I am the over feeder type mom that is always worried if kids are still hungry so I tend to over do it, but depending on the age of the kids.
I tend to do playdates more with my friends kids so that I dont get annoyed with all that you mentioned. It is so much less tolerable from a stranger in my opinion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do think you're overreacting about the chicken nuggets, LOL. If young children are hungry, I honestly don't get why you would be annoyed that the mother asked you if there were more nuggets to feed them. (I am assuming she asked politely.) When you complain that they ate the whole box, it sounds like you are whining that small children were hungry and had the nerve to eat your food.

I kind of agree. I'm actually really happy when people or children eat generous portions of my food. Hungry people do not irritate me. If I were not inclined to feed the children I would have told the mom's to pack lunch, which I have done before when I've been slacking on going grocery shopping.

As far as overstaying their welcome, it is understandable that you'd be a bit annoyed, but I don't think that it would possibly annoy me to the point that I had to regurgitate the entire story to an annoymous forum.

[Anonymous]

You don't say how old the kids are, but if they are under five or even six, it is totally normal that they would "salivate over" your child's toys and might even be a little grabby. As for the going into personal rooms to look for toys, I've had that happen here, and I just matter-of-factly tell the kids that those rooms are off-limits and they have to ask. Again, if they are young, not a big deal--kids that age don't exactly have an adult sense of privacy.

Also agree with the PP about the chicken nuggets. So yes, if these children are under age six or so, I would say you are overreacting. If they are ten, perhaps not.

[Anonymous]

I don't think you're overreacting to the kids running through your house into personal rooms without permission. In my experience, kids who do that on a regular basis haven't been taught boundaries by their parents. It drives me crazy being around families like that.

On the other hand, your description of the four hour play date makes me wonder if you were clear enough with the other family. I know it's hard but you would have been better off just saying that it was time for them to go. If I had been the mom or dad visiting you, I would have preferred being told up front. I wouldn't want to impose.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do think you're overreacting about the chicken nuggets, LOL. If young children are hungry, I honestly don't get why you would be annoyed that the mother asked you if there were more nuggets to feed them. (I am assuming she asked politely.) When you complain that they ate the whole box, it sounds like you are whining that small children were hungry and had the nerve to eat your food.

A whole box of about 20 chicken nuggets (minus three for DC) for TWO KIDS? So you don't think there's such a thing as overstepping your welcome when your kids overeat at someone else's house? What about bringing along something to supplement lunch if you know your kids tend to eat alot?

[Anonymous]

I am amazed that you are upset by how much food little kids eat. Wow. Nice hostess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do think you're overreacting about the chicken nuggets, LOL. If young children are hungry, I honestly don't get why you would be annoyed that the mother asked you if there were more nuggets to feed them. (I am assuming she asked politely.) When you complain that they ate the whole box, it sounds like you are whining that small children were hungry and had the nerve to eat your food.

A whole box of about 20 chicken nuggets (minus three for DC) for TWO KIDS? So you don't think there's such a thing as overstepping your welcome when your kids overeat at someone else's house? What about bringing along something to supplement lunch if you know your kids tend to eat alot?

I agree with the PP--I don't in any way think that it is overstepping one's welcome if a child is hungry. Part of being a gracious hostess is not to keep track of every morsel of food that guests eat. When I am a host, I am delighted if people eat. I would never dream of limiting my guests' food or carping about the quantities they eat--especially with children, but even with adults; that is downright tacky and ungracious IMO. You would really prefer that your guests go hungry or that your guests bring their own food?? Wow.

[Anonymous]

I dont know OP - if it was an adult that asked you to bake more for herself that would be rude, but for a kid to be hungry breaks my heart. I personally cannot stand going to dinner parties where the hostess makes my plate assuming I eat like a bird so I can only imagine a child. Everyone has different hunger levels and if your hosting it, I think at least put a few more nuggets on their plate or chips or have something else to back up their hunger pains. If it annoyed you that much order an x-large pizza next time with all the toppings.

[Anonymous]

OP, how old are the children?

[Anonymous]

Seriously - you just made my day - I have been stuck at home all day and I am going to bed with a smile thinking about these chicken nuggets. Everytime I see them now I will think of you OP!!!

[Anonymous]

A whole box of about 20 chicken nuggets (minus three for DC) for TWO KIDS? So you don't think there's such a thing as overstepping your welcome when your kids overeat at someone else's house? What about bringing along something to supplement lunch if you know your kids tend to eat alot?

I might think it was weirder for some mom to bring "supplementary" food for her child if I had invited the child over for lunch. Kids' appetites vary, and they liked your (frozen) nuggets. I kind of can't believe that you begrudge some children some nuggets.

[Anonymous]

Ok so the consensus is that I'm overreacting on the chicken nuggets. LOL We have about three playdates over a week, so I can't afford to use up an entire box of chicken nuggets every time we have them over. Maybe I need to come up with more economical lunches. Any ideas?

The kids were almost six years old.

I never mentioned that I wanted the playdate to end in two hours. I made the mistake of assuming it would end by then. I did cleanup the food, the toys, everything. I did everything but ask them to leave. How do you ask someone to leave your house politely?

[Anonymous]

How old are the kids? I have younger kids (under 4) so I don't know if kids are more forthright the older they get. Anyway, that would be the first and last playdate for me. Usually most moms take their kids away at the first time of temper tantrums/their kids getting tired. By 1 1/2 - 2 hours if my kids have been well behaved angels - I figure it's time to go while things are going well. I'm rolling the dice past 2 hours. I've been lucky that while the moms I know range on the scale of being laid back (I'm probably the least laid back), they would still be mortified if their child was snatching toys from other kids, running wild etc. The rule of thumb seems to be if in doubt, ask your host if it is okay. Most of your story raised my eyebrows - now I do understand if they finished the 4 nuggets asking for more - kids like more of one thing than the other. Usually, the person hosting with food will offer - do you want more X or we have Y snack if you are still hungry since we are out of X. The have the food ready comment was a kicker. I would have asked politely if they could bring snacks/give it in the car or say - I'll have fruit available as a snack because you prefer your guest to be settled before you serve dinner and in case they get delayed etc. you prefer not to have to time it exactly. I would question if this is a situation where your kids know the other kids from activities or school versus you knowing the other moms and wanting to get your kids together. I would think if you are picking the moms you want to hang out with, you would look for some of the characteristics that you look for with friends. Honestly, I don't feel completely comfortable inviting strangers to my house for playdates at this age (18 months -4 years old). I plan for meetups at various places i.e. the park, Chuck E Cheese, the children's section of the library etc. then I don't have the pressure of cleaning up before and after the playdate, providing food, worrying if the kids will run thru the house/jump on couches etc., be bored with the toys I have after 5 minutes etc. Once I get to know someone, it's not that all the playdate work goes away - but there is more of a comfort level - they may offer to bring some food to the playdate - or I can say, hey I have yogurt, X, Y, and Z available and if their kid doesn't eat that - they will say don't worry, I'll bring lunch for my child or contribute this that I know my child eats. At that point too, I know if they see nothing wrong with their child running everywhere.