Weird Playdates - am I overreacting?

[Anonymous]

I don't fault the OP for putting special toys aside; I think that makes sense and it's practical. (I wasn't with her on the nuggets or the dad coming in or the rest of it, really.) I am DYING to know, though, what four-year-old toys cost hundreds of dollars! Am I just sheltered that I can't think of any? I only have a baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't fault the OP for putting special toys aside; I think that makes sense and it's practical. (I wasn't with her on the nuggets or the dad coming in or the rest of it, really.) I am DYING to know, though, what four-year-old toys cost hundreds of dollars! Am I just sheltered that I can't think of any? I only have a baby.

I mentioned what they were before.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:. You see, I'm the mom who never buy nuggets because I think they're crappy nutrition. DC also never goes to McDonald's nor gets nuggets anywhere else, so if tempted by nuggets at your house, he might have gone a little crazy......

Thank goodness you didn't offer ice cream for dessert!

OP here - but I'm WITH YOU on this. DC tasted McDonalds for the first time when he turned 4. But I get those Trader Joes chicken nuggets and they are better quality than other kinds. I also buy Ians organic white meat chicken nuggets. I am generally into healthy food too, esp for DC and for playdates. Playdates mom seems less concerned about this, as she carries candy for her kids in her purse frequently.

[Anonymous]

LOL. OP, I mean this with great affection, I really do. You sound nice and well-meaning, but sister, you need to lighten up!

And I'm the poster who asked about the expensive toys -- I just went back and looked. I don't know why I find it funny that one of your little boy's fragile and special toys is a harp! That is cool, it really is, but putting away his special harp somehow makes the whole uptight four nuggets playdate even more vivid and humorous. And I promise, I am laughing with you, not at you. You do sound really nice, but life's too short to be all precious string instruments, health foods, and nugget allotment!

[Anonymous]

After watching this thread, I think the OP is pulling our chain.

This is someone who posted a composite picture of a play date gone bad, and she/he keeps posting to breath more fire into the discussion.

And we are suckers.

[Anonymous]

I'm beginning to think that it is not just the OP who is nuts, but these posters who have debated this topic now for 9 pages. It really is not all that riveting. There have been much better hot topics than this. BORING.

[Anonymous]

I don't know. I think OP sounds legit. She has admitted she was wrong enough (relenting on the nuggets issue) for me to think she is being sincere. I think she just REALLY doesn't do unruly children!

I am the poster who was amused before, and I still am. I do think OP sounds like a well-meaning but high-strung mom. But what do you expect? That OTHER playdate mom had CANDY in her purse! And a chatty husband! Her kids probably eat regular nuggets, too, and not just the healthy kind! They definitely would not have respected DC's harp and his special pottery.

(OP, again -- I mean it with genuine good humor, but I cannot help but laugh!)

[Anonymous]

I can't believe so many people are this fired up over this post. People must be stir-crazy with the ice.

OP, like others, I didn't completely get the nuggets thing per se (which you want so stop talking about anyway) but I think I understand what was beneath it, which is that this family sounded fundamentally rude. It's always socially awkward when people overstay their welcome, so I understand what you mean about mom staying on and on, for instance. Others say they have ways to polititely end things, but I think it's often hard for the rest of us to do this comfortably.

One thing you mentioned is that you thought it was odd that dad came late and stayed in the house while you and the other mom talked about (can't remember exactly how you put it) but girl talk type things. Without getting into whether or not I agree with that, your comment about your conversation with mom made me wonder: Did you enjoy spending time with this mom?

If you didn't enjoy your time with her and if her kids cowed your child it doesn't seem like it's to anyone's benefit to pursue any more playdates with this family. But if you did like her, you might have done better by establishing some boundaries on your own. This is probably going to be really necessary for you moving forward. Everyone has different approaches to kids playing and I don't think it's the end of the world that yours is a bit more regimented. But since you're on that end of things whereas other parents are more laissez faire, you are the one who needs to lay down guidelines -- for your own sanity, really.

That said, I can see how some of it might get awkward to try to redirect a child while mom or dad is just standing idly by. So I think I would have said, "do you think we could keep the kids down here? I don't have the rest of the house as childproofed as the play area." Or just say "would you mind helping me keep the children down here" and skip the explanation, if it bothers you to offer one. Or you could address the children directly and tell them (within earshot of mom) what you expect of them in your house. I'm not sure if you were more upset that they explored other rooms in the first place or that they weren't curtailed by their own mom. I'd say the latter gives you some cause for ire, the former is questionable. They're just children, and they can't really be expected to respect boundaries that haven't been established for them. Now, if you said to stop doing it and they continued and mom didn't do anything, I would share your gripe, I think.

You know, you're always going to encounter people with different parenting styles from yours. This is not new to playdates. My mom STILL to this day talks about one of my dear friends, who she always thought was the biggest pain in the ass kid to have over due to very liberal parenting on the other mom's part and just a very different personality in this other child than she was used to with me. I have always thought that the blind date nature of these playdates (which in some cases parents set up in an arbitrary way rather than letting the kids become friends more naturally) exacerbates these parenting differences. Because if the kid loves the other kid, at least you know why you're putting up with it. Anyway, in any case, it's up to you to enforce the rules of your house, however; and you're within your rights to ask the other parent for help.

As far as the other posters go, it's out of line to make cracks suggesting that you're malnourishing your kid and so on. But you know, there's just a group of people on here that just like to wisecrack. I'm glad you're not letting it get to you. Sometimes I don't even necessarily think people talking shit on this board mean any malice -- it's a bit of a game. But if you're the person seeking genuine help, it can get frustrating.

Anyway, a final comment from a formerly shy and easily intimidated child. Your post suggested to me that you and your child are not used to boisterous kids. Sounds like you got WAY lucky with your quiet, considerate, and thoughtful child. But the fact is, these boisterous kids are all over the place out there, and your child will be dealing with them somehow. You might consider this experience a safe environment for him to learn to deal with aggression and different play styles in other children -- whether they're just more aggressive than your kid (which is what it sounds like in this case) or, even worse, genuine bad seeds.

Either way, good luck finding a closer kindred spirit for your next play date. Sounds like this one was stressful for all. OMGosh, this was a loooong post. Snow and cold weather getting to me, too!

[Anonymous]

page ten here we come!

[Anonymous]

i came from extreme poverty where we stole food to survive... it made me sad to read that you were so stingy with food. in our religion the biggest gift you can give others is the gift of food. i would never, even when i had eaten only a piece of butter all day (yes that's how we survived), I would never refuse to give it all if not part to others. sorry, i had to share that with you....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can't believe so many people are this fired up over this post. People must be stir-crazy with the ice.

OP, like others, I didn't completely get the nuggets thing per se (which you want so stop talking about anyway) but I think I understand what was beneath it, which is that this family sounded fundamentally rude. It's always socially awkward when people overstay their welcome, so I understand what you mean about mom staying on and on, for instance. Others say they have ways to polititely end things, but I think it's often hard for the rest of us to do this comfortably.

One thing you mentioned is that you thought it was odd that dad came late and stayed in the house while you and the other mom talked about (can't remember exactly how you put it) but girl talk type things. Without getting into whether or not I agree with that, your comment about your conversation with mom made me wonder: Did you enjoy spending time with this mom?

If you didn't enjoy your time with her and if her kids cowed your child it doesn't seem like it's to anyone's benefit to pursue any more playdates with this family. But if you did like her, you might have done better by establishing some boundaries on your own. This is probably going to be really necessary for you moving forward. Everyone has different approaches to kids playing and I don't think it's the end of the world that yours is a bit more regimented. But since you're on that end of things whereas other parents are more laissez faire, you are the one who needs to lay down guidelines -- for your own sanity, really.

That said, I can see how some of it might get awkward to try to redirect a child while mom or dad is just standing idly by. So I think I would have said, "do you think we could keep the kids down here? I don't have the rest of the house as childproofed as the play area." Or just say "would you mind helping me keep the children down here" and skip the explanation, if it bothers you to offer one. Or you could address the children directly and tell them (within earshot of mom) what you expect of them in your house. I'm not sure if you were more upset that they explored other rooms in the first place or that they weren't curtailed by their own mom. I'd say the latter gives you some cause for ire, the former is questionable. They're just children, and they can't really be expected to respect boundaries that haven't been established for them. Now, if you said to stop doing it and they continued and mom didn't do anything, I would share your gripe, I think.

You know, you're always going to encounter people with different parenting styles from yours. This is not new to playdates. My mom STILL to this day talks about one of my dear friends, who she always thought was the biggest pain in the ass kid to have over due to very liberal parenting on the other mom's part and just a very different personality in this other child than she was used to with me. I have always thought that the blind date nature of these playdates (which in some cases parents set up in an arbitrary way rather than letting the kids become friends more naturally) exacerbates these parenting differences. Because if the kid loves the other kid, at least you know why you're putting up with it. Anyway, in any case, it's up to you to enforce the rules of your house, however; and you're within your rights to ask the other parent for help.

As far as the other posters go, it's out of line to make cracks suggesting that you're malnourishing your kid and so on. But you know, there's just a group of people on here that just like to wisecrack. I'm glad you're not letting it get to you. Sometimes I don't even necessarily think people talking shit on this board mean any malice -- it's a bit of a game. But if you're the person seeking genuine help, it can get frustrating.

Anyway, a final comment from a formerly shy and easily intimidated child. Your post suggested to me that you and your child are not used to boisterous kids. Sounds like you got WAY lucky with your quiet, considerate, and thoughtful child. But the fact is, these boisterous kids are all over the place out there, and your child will be dealing with them somehow. You might consider this experience a safe environment for him to learn to deal with aggression and different play styles in other children -- whether they're just more aggressive than your kid (which is what it sounds like in this case) or, even worse, genuine bad seeds.

Either way, good luck finding a closer kindred spirit for your next play date. Sounds like this one was stressful for all. OMGosh, this was a loooong post. Snow and cold weather getting to me, too!

i don't know who is crazier - you posting a 859-word message or me counting it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:. You see, I'm the mom who never buy nuggets because I think they're crappy nutrition. DC also never goes to McDonald's nor gets nuggets anywhere else, so if tempted by nuggets at your house, he might have gone a little crazy......

Thank goodness you didn't offer ice cream for dessert!

OP here - but I'm WITH YOU on this. DC tasted McDonalds for the first time when he turned 4. But I get those Trader Joes chicken nuggets and they are better quality than other kinds. I also buy Ians organic white meat chicken nuggets. I am generally into healthy food too, esp for DC and for playdates. Playdates mom seems less concerned about this, as she carries candy for her kids in her purse frequently.

oh my gosh. is this really what's consuming you everyday. youve had an easy life. got go. this is to trivial to waste time on.

[Anonymous]

I keep checking this thread and posting occasionally because sucky playdates are a hot-button issue for me right now. I'm interested to know what other people think and what is normal behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't believe so many people are this fired up over this post. People must be stir-crazy with the ice.

OP, like others, I didn't completely get the nuggets thing per se (which you want so stop talking about anyway) but I think I understand what was beneath it, which is that this family sounded fundamentally rude. It's always socially awkward when people overstay their welcome, so I understand what you mean about mom staying on and on, for instance. Others say they have ways to polititely end things, but I think it's often hard for the rest of us to do this comfortably.

One thing you mentioned is that you thought it was odd that dad came late and stayed in the house while you and the other mom talked about (can't remember exactly how you put it) but girl talk type things. Without getting into whether or not I agree with that, your comment about your conversation with mom made me wonder: Did you enjoy spending time with this mom?

If you didn't enjoy your time with her and if her kids cowed your child it doesn't seem like it's to anyone's benefit to pursue any more playdates with this family. But if you did like her, you might have done better by establishing some boundaries on your own. This is probably going to be really necessary for you moving forward. Everyone has different approaches to kids playing and I don't think it's the end of the world that yours is a bit more regimented. But since you're on that end of things whereas other parents are more laissez faire, you are the one who needs to lay down guidelines -- for your own sanity, really.

That said, I can see how some of it might get awkward to try to redirect a child while mom or dad is just standing idly by. So I think I would have said, "do you think we could keep the kids down here? I don't have the rest of the house as childproofed as the play area." Or just say "would you mind helping me keep the children down here" and skip the explanation, if it bothers you to offer one. Or you could address the children directly and tell them (within earshot of mom) what you expect of them in your house. I'm not sure if you were more upset that they explored other rooms in the first place or that they weren't curtailed by their own mom. I'd say the latter gives you some cause for ire, the former is questionable. They're just children, and they can't really be expected to respect boundaries that haven't been established for them. Now, if you said to stop doing it and they continued and mom didn't do anything, I would share your gripe, I think.

You know, you're always going to encounter people with different parenting styles from yours. This is not new to playdates. My mom STILL to this day talks about one of my dear friends, who she always thought was the biggest pain in the ass kid to have over due to very liberal parenting on the other mom's part and just a very different personality in this other child than she was used to with me. I have always thought that the blind date nature of these playdates (which in some cases parents set up in an arbitrary way rather than letting the kids become friends more naturally) exacerbates these parenting differences. Because if the kid loves the other kid, at least you know why you're putting up with it. Anyway, in any case, it's up to you to enforce the rules of your house, however; and you're within your rights to ask the other parent for help.

As far as the other posters go, it's out of line to make cracks suggesting that you're malnourishing your kid and so on. But you know, there's just a group of people on here that just like to wisecrack. I'm glad you're not letting it get to you. Sometimes I don't even necessarily think people talking shit on this board mean any malice -- it's a bit of a game. But if you're the person seeking genuine help, it can get frustrating.

Anyway, a final comment from a formerly shy and easily intimidated child. Your post suggested to me that you and your child are not used to boisterous kids. Sounds like you got WAY lucky with your quiet, considerate, and thoughtful child. But the fact is, these boisterous kids are all over the place out there, and your child will be dealing with them somehow. You might consider this experience a safe environment for him to learn to deal with aggression and different play styles in other children -- whether they're just more aggressive than your kid (which is what it sounds like in this case) or, even worse, genuine bad seeds.

Either way, good luck finding a closer kindred spirit for your next play date. Sounds like this one was stressful for all. OMGosh, this was a loooong post. Snow and cold weather getting to me, too!

i don't know who is crazier - you posting a 859-word message or me counting it!

You counting it

It takes so much longer to count than to write. And then when you slip up b/c your mind wanders, you have to start all over again. The next time you get that anal urge, copy the post, paste it into Word, and have Word do the work for you. 8)

[Anonymous]

I carry lollipops in my purse sometimes to get through some necessary shopping trips with the kids... but hey, at least they're organic and all-natural!! I was actually pleased to see that so many other parents has the same response as I did to this post. It just rubbed me the wrong way. Maybe it's my own issue... I'm such a people-pleaser and the idea that someone would be counting how many nuggets my kid had... guess that's my worst playdate nightmare. And the sancti-mommy stuff thrown out there on this site sometimes, i.e. "MY child doesn't eat nuggets", etc... drives me batty. I will give OP credit... she doesn't seem to be taking any of our responses personally.