Weird Playdates - am I overreacting?

[Anonymous]

Mac n Cheese (the whole box)
Go to Costco and get a platter of wraps
Pasta Salad is cheap and you can make a big portion and fridge it for the next play date
Pick up Happy Meals from McDonalds

If u dont set a time limit up front or tell them you have to be somewhere (dr appt) etc you are only setting yourself up for the burden, I have learned the hard way and it still does not work every time.

[Anonymous]

Pretty much, all of DS's playdates are annoying. He's 5. Some scream, some bang on the piano with fists, some dump out bins of toys that they don't plan to play with, just to hear the crashing noise ... Oh! and then they don't play cooperatively, even when I mediate, and they beg for sweets, more sweets and keep asking me "What do you have to eat now?" ("cheese, or crackers") No! Can I have some candy!!!??

However, not all of his friends do this. I've met ~5 who don't, nor does DS, which supports my suspicion that the ones who do are immature, poorly behaved, whatever you want to call it. Normal for the age?

The funny thing is, I'd actually put up with this nonsense if DS was enjoying himself, but even he is fed up with the can't-control-myself craziness of these kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Am I the only person who has had weird play dates for my DC? Where are the normal moms and their kids? Or am I overreacting?

I had a play date over last week and the two kids were crazy wild. They ran upstairs into our personal rooms, bedrooms searching the rooms for additional toys without my consent, without asking DC for permission first. They stayed for lunch. I allotted four chicken nuggets per kid and also had carrot sticks and fruit. After the two kids ate their portion, they whined for more nuggets. Mom actually asked me if I had any more. I baked some more nuggets. They consumed nearly the entire box of our chicken nuggets.

Most playdates we have over are a little aggressive. They salivate over DC's toys and when DC even plays with his own toys, they snatch it out of his hands repeatedly.

One playdate was over our house with the mom and I expected it to take no more than 2 hours. She stayed for nearly FOUR HOURS. I hinted that DC is getting really tired, had to get him ready for his class...nothing worked. Then her husband picks up their older daughter from practice and stops over at our house. I don't know or care to get to know her husband or their older daughter but somehow they managed to weasle their way into my house to hang out for 30 minutes.

Another play date's mom asked me before she arrived if I could have the food ready and on the table as soon as her children arrived because they were coming from a little further away and her kids would be hungry.

So is it just me or are these playdates weird? Do you guys have weird playdates like this?

In general, I think you are overreacting to a lot of what you describe. I am also particularly struck by your comment in bold above. While I also would have been annoyed by the family staying for four hours (that part is not an overreaction IMO), the way you comment about it makes you sound unpleasant, meaning no disrespect. Do you really "not care" to meet the family of people you are doing playdates with? Do you really think of it as "weaseling their way into your house" when they were just being friendly? (Granted, they shouldn't have stayed so long, but you make it sound like their motivations were malign when they were just being friendly.) Again, I mean no disrespect, but perhaps you should reconsider doing playdates period if these things trigger such feelings in you? Perhaps you were just venting and thus talking in an exaggerated way, but it does come across as sour.

[Anonymous]

6 years old is kind of old for a "playdate" with mom sticking around, IMO.

When my kid hit around 4 or so, we started doing adult drop offs and expected the kids to follow the house rules, which were established by the mom of the house.

(Also my 6 year old kid eats 8 nuggets as a general rule. If you can't afford that on a regular basis, and if providing a meal is part of the visit, I would switch to cheaper food. Generic brand spaghettios is a big hit around here.)

[Anonymous]

They sound a little off. But OTOH when I'm feeding kids at a playdate, I wouldn't think it was weird for the kids to ask for more food. They're kids, after all, so they will be a bit self centered. My youngest child is a terrible food moocher. (He walks up to strangers eating and stares at them until they give him food, unless I catch him in time! He's 2. We're working on manners, but it'll take a while until he understands that this isn't done.)

I usually try to establish in advance whether there will be snacks or lunch. My kids want to eat at the same times each day, otherwise they get cranky. (I can sympathize with the mom who asked for food to be ready, though I think she was very impolite!) Because my kids are a bit inflexible about eating times, I bring juice boxes and snacks to playdates. I always plan to serve snacks if the playdate is at my house.

Lunch is another proposition though. I wouldn't stay for that unless specifically invited, and I probably wouldn't invite people without discussing it in advance with the other mom. There're too many food allergies and picky eaters to serve lunch on the fly. (Of course once you know the kids well it's another story.)

Also I think 1 1/2 to 2 1/2 hours is a standard playdate length. If people don't respect that, I'd mention it in advance when setting things up ("we can play from 10 to noon, then we have other plans"). The mom who wouldn't leave your house sounds oblivious. I guess sometimes you just have to be blunt?

[Anonymous]

If a playdae is going too long, there is nothing wrong with just saying, "It's been great to have you over, but we're going to have to wrap it up because it's time to X."

[Anonymous]

Don't kill me for making such a big deal out of the chicken nuggets. LOL

It's just that I have never seen two children that young eat that quantity of food. After the box was finished, they tried to go after DC's food on his plate. LOL And when I bring DC to a playdate's house for lunch, I make sure he's not arriving starving. So it seemed a bit weird to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ok so the consensus is that I'm overreacting on the chicken nuggets. LOL We have about three playdates over a week, so I can't afford to use up an entire box of chicken nuggets every time we have them over. Maybe I need to come up with more economical lunches. Any ideas?

The kids were almost six years old.

I never mentioned that I wanted the playdate to end in two hours. I made the mistake of assuming it would end by then. I did cleanup the food, the toys, everything. I did everything but ask them to leave. How do you ask someone to leave your house politely?

3 playdates per week seems excessive to me. Why so many? If you can't afford to feed the kids, have a playdate from 9-11am or 2-4pm or whatever. Provide a snack and a drink. Just say to the mom or nanny or whoever that you wanted to invite them over for a playdate from 9-11 and then clean up at 10:45am. I have just started doing playdates and often meet somewhere neutral (like a playground, etc). Then, you can leave when you want to and not have to clean up a big mess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't kill me for making such a big deal out of the chicken nuggets. LOL

It's just that I have never seen two children that young eat that quantity of food. After the box was finished, they tried to go after DC's food on his plate. LOL And when I bring DC to a playdate's house for lunch, I make sure he's not arriving starving. So it seemed a bit weird to me.

DS6 doesn't care for chicken nuggets, but can easily at a meal eat two entire PBJ sandwiches along with an apple, large bunch of strawberries, cheese stick, 8-oz. yogurt, followed by a chaser of cookies and milk. He is tall and thin and must have the metabolism of a basketball player, LOL. So just be aware that many kids naturally just eat a lot...

[Anonymous]

DC gets bored. It's too cold on some days to go to the park or just to go outside. So we do playdates.

[Anonymous]

"I don't know or care to get to know her husband or their older daughter but somehow they managed to weasle their way into my house to hang out for 30 minutes. "

I don't usually know the entire families of DC's playdates, no, and they don't know mine. We have some playdates where I have been friends with the mom for a couple of years. And I know their entire families. They have come over to our house for dinner. We get invited to their kids bday parties and they get invited to ours. But some of our playdates are with new folks. The husband that stopped by with his daughter were new folks. Kinda weird when I don't know the mom well enough to have her invite her entire family over to my house, no? I just like to take things slowly. I'm not unpleasant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok so the consensus is that I'm overreacting on the chicken nuggets. LOL We have about three playdates over a week, so I can't afford to use up an entire box of chicken nuggets every time we have them over. Maybe I need to come up with more economical lunches. Any ideas?

The kids were almost six years old.

I never mentioned that I wanted the playdate to end in two hours. I made the mistake of assuming it would end by then. I did cleanup the food, the toys, everything. I did everything but ask them to leave. How do you ask someone to leave your house politely?

3 playdates per week seems excessive to me. Why so many? If you can't afford to feed the kids, have a playdate from 9-11am or 2-4pm or whatever. Provide a snack and a drink. Just say to the mom or nanny or whoever that you wanted to invite them over for a playdate from 9-11 and then clean up at 10:45am. I have just started doing playdates and often meet somewhere neutral (like a playground, etc). Then, you can leave when you want to and not have to clean up a big mess.

I agree. 3 playdates a week does seem excessive.

If you really want to arrange that many, you should alternate homes with the other family in the playdate...or (like the PP suggested) go somewhere neutral.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DC gets bored. It's too cold on some days to go to the park or just to go outside. So we do playdates.

DC gets bored, or you get bored?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Am I the only person who has had weird play dates for my DC? Where are the normal moms and their kids? Or am I overreacting?

I had a play date over last week and the two kids were crazy wild. They ran upstairs into our personal rooms, bedrooms searching the rooms for additional toys without my consent, without asking DC for permission first. They stayed for lunch. I allotted four chicken nuggets per kid and also had carrot sticks and fruit. After the two kids ate their portion, they whined for more nuggets. Mom actually asked me if I had any more. I baked some more nuggets. They consumed nearly the entire box of our chicken nuggets.

Most playdates we have over are a little aggressive. They salivate over DC's toys and when DC even plays with his own toys, they snatch it out of his hands repeatedly.

One playdate was over our house with the mom and I expected it to take no more than 2 hours. She stayed for nearly FOUR HOURS. I hinted that DC is getting really tired, had to get him ready for his class...nothing worked. Then her husband picks up their older daughter from practice and stops over at our house. I don't know or care to get to know her husband or their older daughter but somehow they managed to weasle their way into my house to hang out for 30 minutes.

Another play date's mom asked me before she arrived if I could have the food ready and on the table as soon as her children arrived because they were coming from a little further away and her kids would be hungry.

So is it just me or are these playdates weird? Do you guys have weird playdates like this?

I think you are weird. i especially feel bad for the family who were probably being nice to stop in and say hi for 30 min...sorry but i think you are too harsh. you asked...

[Anonymous]

I actually think this whole story sounds made up. Who are these playdates with that you don't want to know the family of the kids your kid is playing with? I think your reaction is a bit overblown, imo. As for the food, my tiny 3 yo and 6 yo DDs easily eat 6 nuggets apiece. I would assume that a 6 yo boy would eat at least 6 nuggets. Kids can have huge appetites...next time offer things you don't mind giving if they are not full from the meal you have offered. Anyway, I do think this story is off...