Weird Playdates - am I overreacting?

[Anonymous]

OP here: Well, you posters on page 9 are all somewhat right about me. I am a little high strung. I know I probably didn't provide enough chicken nuggets. I didn't understand how much boys this age can really eat. I did not lay down the rules decisively and firmly like I should have. I didn't get mom to help me either. I just kind of expected her to follow my more subtle suggestions - and I know that wasn't enough for these kids. As far as the sancti-mommie stuff goes - hey, to each his own right? So long as sancti-mommie stuff is done with the intent to benefit our DC and not to make others feel badly about their own choices....

I don't know why it is so hard for me to be firm about other kids mistreating my home or DC. I feel angry inside especially when they treat DC badly. In thinking about all this and reading each and every post, I realized that I was angry at how DC was treated more than anything. DC readily shares his toys and he doesn't grab toys from other kids. He cares about other kids feelings too. He gets certain toys out in advance that he wants to share with the playdate that is coming over that day. Because they weren't nice to DC, it made their other more petty lack of manners all the more intolerant for me. And then it made dad's impromtu visit to my home unbearable.

To the poster who grew up in poverty - please know that I am not stingy with food generally. One poster mentioned that she thought this was a lonely family that, for some reason, liked me and wanted to form a family sort of friendship. I feel this was the case too. Each time we got together with these playdates (before in public areas) I always brought snacks for DC and made sure I brought extra for her kids too. I bought them snacks when we went out before. I figure if I'm going to give DC a snack or buy him things in front of his playdates, I ought to buy the same for the other kids too, otherwise they might get upset, especially if mom won't buy it for them. And this is a mom who is very frugal. I realize that my anger was less about nuggets or food and so much more about their behavior in my house and mistreatment of DC.

[Anonymous]

You did it! Page ten.

[Anonymous]

Yes, well that was my primary motivation for beginning this post as I have nothing better to do in my life. I was hoping to hit 10 pages to make myself feel better. LOL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, well that was my primary motivation for beginning this post as I have nothing better to do in my life. I was hoping to hit 10 pages to make myself feel better. LOL

You should give yourself a pat on the back for creating such a controversial thread! And FWIW, I completely have your back!

[Anonymous]

It is all staring to make sense. The OP's kid is an only child who plays the harp and eats like a bird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is all staring to make sense. The OP's kid is an only child who plays the harp and eats like a bird.

YOU make no sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is all staring to make sense. The OP's kid is an only child who plays the harp and eats like a bird.

that was so 5 pages ago.

[Anonymous]

This definitly qualifies as a farce. I still say it's boring.

Can't we go back to the WM vs SAHM wars?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is all staring to make sense. The OP's kid is an only child who plays the harp and eats like a bird.

that was so 5 pages ago.

'

Sorry I don't spend my whole day monitoring this post. I've got kids to feed!

[Anonymous]

I'm confused...I thought OP was talking about several different playdates that were weird. There was the one where too many chicken nuggets were consumed. And another one where the mom stayed for 4 hours. And another one where the one asked that food be on the table when they arrived. But, OP is now talking about it like it was one playdate? So, which is it?

[Anonymous]

OP, this is 873 words here. I'm not saying this is always true, but it's my opinion (as an only child myself) that parents of only kids need to work double time to increase their kids' comfort zones in social situations. Sounds like you've raised a sensitive, polite, reserved and perhaps introverted child. Most kids, however, are not like this. He will run into boisterous and aggressive kids for the rest of his life. It's up to you to prepare him for this and to help him deal with it. It's a fine line between teaching your child to be a little asshole and teaching him to how to be assertive (or if nothing else, how to cope when he's overwhelmed by wilder children).

I am NOT trying to be mean, by the way, or suggest that you're not being a good parent. I'm just saying I think that even in these bad playdates, there's an opportunity here for you, even if it's a pain in the ass, to teach him coping skills. If your son sees you struggling to enforce order with unruly kids, he'll feel less secure himself and he won't likely learn how to be assertive when he needs to be. So even if you don't feel "in charge," just be in charge anyway. You're an adult, they're kids, it's your house, and DC is watching, right? If you step out of your own comfort zone and work harder at establishing some boundaries (the important ones), you can be more relaxed when wild kids come over, and hopefully your kid will relax some too and enjoy all sorts of other kids. It's no fun being an uptight or nervous kid... Trust me, I have been there.

[Anonymous]

I'm glad OP is taking some responsibility instead of continuing to sniff how "weird playdates" keep happening to her and her dear son. Instead of being a victim of these playdates gone awry, you need to start teaching your son some invaluable life lessons about handling difficult/challenging situations and people. He sounds like a wonderful child!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, this is 873 words here. I'm not saying this is always true, but it's my opinion (as an only child myself) that parents of only kids need to work double time to increase their kids' comfort zones in social situations. Sounds like you've raised a sensitive, polite, reserved and perhaps introverted child. Most kids, however, are not like this. He will run into boisterous and aggressive kids for the rest of his life. It's up to you to prepare him for this and to help him deal with it. It's a fine line between teaching your child to be a little asshole and teaching him to how to be assertive (or if nothing else, how to cope when he's overwhelmed by wilder children).

I am NOT trying to be mean, by the way, or suggest that you're not being a good parent. I'm just saying I think that even in these bad playdates, there's an opportunity here for you, even if it's a pain in the ass, to teach him coping skills. If your son sees you struggling to enforce order with unruly kids, he'll feel less secure himself and he won't likely learn how to be assertive when he needs to be. So even if you don't feel "in charge," just be in charge anyway. You're an adult, they're kids, it's your house, and DC is watching, right? If you step out of your own comfort zone and work harder at establishing some boundaries (the important ones), you can be more relaxed when wild kids come over, and hopefully your kid will relax some too and enjoy all sorts of other kids. It's no fun being an uptight or nervous kid... Trust me, I have been there.

How so? As an only, I've always been very social. My parents never made any effort to "socialize" me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, this is 873 words here. I'm not saying this is always true, but it's my opinion (as an only child myself) that parents of only kids need to work double time to increase their kids' comfort zones in social situations. Sounds like you've raised a sensitive, polite, reserved and perhaps introverted child. Most kids, however, are not like this. He will run into boisterous and aggressive kids for the rest of his life. It's up to you to prepare him for this and to help him deal with it. It's a fine line between teaching your child to be a little asshole and teaching him to how to be assertive (or if nothing else, how to cope when he's overwhelmed by wilder children).

I am NOT trying to be mean, by the way, or suggest that you're not being a good parent. I'm just saying I think that even in these bad playdates, there's an opportunity here for you, even if it's a pain in the ass, to teach him coping skills. If your son sees you struggling to enforce order with unruly kids, he'll feel less secure himself and he won't likely learn how to be assertive when he needs to be. So even if you don't feel "in charge," just be in charge anyway. You're an adult, they're kids, it's your house, and DC is watching, right? If you step out of your own comfort zone and work harder at establishing some boundaries (the important ones), you can be more relaxed when wild kids come over, and hopefully your kid will relax some too and enjoy all sorts of other kids. It's no fun being an uptight or nervous kid... Trust me, I have been there.

How so? As an only, I've always been very social. My parents never made any effort to "socialize" me.

Exactly what, out of my two paragraphs, are you referring to with your "how so?" I doubt very highly that your parents made no efforts to socialize you, btw. Get real. You never went to preschool or had friends?

[Anonymous]

OP here. Yes you are right. I need to set an example for DC.

Some of those complaints were in several playdates. The mom who asked that I have lunch ready on the table when her kids walked through my door was one playdate. The grabby kids were several different playdates. Some of those things did occur in one playdate though. I was hoping to avoid having to admit to that for fear that mom might recognize herself but I slipped up.