Weird Playdates - am I overreacting?

[Anonymous]

You allotted 4 chicken nuggets per kid? Did you then obligate the 4 chicken nuggets? Then did you disburse the 4 nuggets? Did you then run a balance sheet?

[Anonymous]

Is it standard to serve lunch at a playdate? I would think a snack, but not a meal. I can see how you'd be unprepared for that, it's a little awkward no? I also don't know who assumes 4 hours at someone's house is acceptable unless the moms are buddies. Let's face it, this mom just didn't want to go home.

[Anonymous]

I have a 6 yr old. Sorry, but this is typical 5-6 yr old behavior. That doesn't make it "good" behavior, but it is typical and normal, and as the adult supervising the playdate, it is, at least to some degree, your job to control the kids and set ground rules about what is acceptable in your house. If they are not allowed in certain parts of the house, tell the child as soon as he arrives. And then you still may need to remind them.

If each kid gets 4 nuggets (since you want to be the Nugget Nazi! -- it's a joke, take it easy) then tell them as you are serving "each of you gets 4 nuggets and that's all" or "you can have a fruit if you are still hungry after the nuggets"

Seriously though, I don't think it is very weird, but it would be a bit annoying to have wild children come to my house. But I would take control and set limits with them immediately.

As for hte parents, there is no easy way to make someone leave your house, but I think the guests obvisouly didn't realize they had overstayed their welcome.

[Anonymous]

You had me at crazy wild.

You lost me at chicken nuggets.

[Anonymous]

I have never been so glad to be anti-social in my life. We do playdates regularly with one family and we have all become friends so they eat at our place, we eat at theirs, the kids run all over the place and we watch and drink wine

[Anonymous]

ditto. this just underscores why i don't do too much of this kind of thing. i would be annoyed by a nugget counter.

[Anonymous]

"As for hte parents, there is no easy way to make someone leave your house, but I think the guests obvisouly didn't realize they had overstayed their welcome. "

I had the opposite problem. I expected to go over with DD for an hour or two but the mom seemed disappointed that we weren't staying for lunch. I didn't want to impose so I offered that we needed to run errands. She again seemed disappointed so I said well if its no trouble that would be great. After lunch, tried to go again. No deal. Finally after four hours I said we really needed to go. They still seemed to want us to stay. I really like the parents and our kids get along great. I'm now wondering if perhaps this was cultural or maybe they did want us to go but thought it would be more polite to keep objecting.

My DD best friend has a mom who doesn't do drop off playdates. She only comes over or hosts for an hour at best which is OK but both kids have a hard time ending after a short time.

I have yet to entirely figure out what to expect from playdates. For me, just go with the flow is the best I ahve come up with so far.

[Anonymous]

I actually agree with the OP. If I don't know the people (this is a first playdate), I would hope that the attending parent feed there kid ahead of time and bring snacks for the kid (unless I specifically state this is a lunch). Staying over 2 hours is a big no-no and letting kids run around into private rooms without the parents stepping in is also a big no-no. The dad and daughter popping in at the end is strange to me. Until I know you better, please be on your best behavior! I know kids will be kids, but at least pretend to care that they are about to damage something or do something bad. The chicken mcnugget thing is no big deal.
FWIW,
I have stopped hosting at my house because I was tired of cleaning up huge messes! I always offer to help clean when I am invited to someone else's house!

[Anonymous]

I am naturally an introvert. I really just want to stay home and I'm comfortable playing with DC myself. I do playdates for DC as he wants kids over and he wants to play with kids. I'd just as well stay at home every day. Having playdates, whether at my house or another person's house, drains me.

I don't do drop offs, just not comfortable with it.

[Anonymous]

My 5 year old son gets so excited when he has a friend come over to our house. I mean his playdate energy level exhausts me, and I admit I sometimes become somewhat annoyed/embarrased when he acts out to entertain (dumps all of his toys out of bin; flails body around and yells in an attempt to entertain). This tends to happen even if I set expectations about behavior and even if he is polite/calm half the time. Why can't he just carry polite conversation regarding legos or favorite book or imaginary idea X the entire time? Why does he eventually decide to run around crazy? I always wonder how he behaves when he goes to other houses. Is he the kid running all around the house being rude? Anyway, point is, even though I sometimes wish (half-heartedly) that my kid were robotically polite, calm, and well-mannered all the time, ultimately, I have to embrace his energy and zest and that of kids like him. I think it is VERY normal for some 4/5/6 olds to get excited and act a bit crazy even when they are perfectly capable of being calm and polite at other times and even when the parents are working hard to instill polite behavior. I also think there is something about having an audience or being suddenly part of the masses (2 kids! Leader and follower! Comedian and straightman. Etc.) that makes the craziness more likely to happen. It is up to the parent hosting the playdate to set expectations up front and just to ROLL WITH IT while still being firm regarding behavior that matters.

[Anonymous]

These kind of moms are insufferable. I could not imagine being surrounded by people who count every morsel of food a child eats or how long someone says ONE TIME for a playdate. Or the mom that is plain irritated by playdates. I thought SAHMs were supposed to have some sort of super human patience for children?

The OP and the other poster with the piano problem sounds quite petty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You had me at crazy wild.

You lost me at chicken nuggets.

[Anonymous]

These issues are easy to avoid in the future by doing the following:

1. Don't schedule playdates that cover lunchtime.

2. Set the begin and end times clearly when scheduling with the other parent 10-12 or 1-3 or 2-4, whatever. Tell the other parent you need to leave at whatever the end time is to get somewhere.

3. If the other parent won't leave when they come to pick-up, then restate that you need to get somewhere and, if they still won't leave, put your coat on and walk out the door.

4. If the children run wild in your house during the playdate, tell them to stop. If they don't listen, tell them you will need to call their parent and end the playdate early. Then do it if they don't stop.

5. If the kids are a PITA and/or the parents don't pick-up on time, find new playdates. There are plenty of kids in your kid's class, I am sure that you will find at least one or two you can handle.

[Anonymous]

I agree that the behavior OP describes sounds quite typical of 2-6 year old children, including the requests for more food. My DS is 4 and can put away 8 nuggets at a sitting, he seems to be hungry all the time lately. I will say that when we are guests in somebody's home I'm always worried about overstepping bounds and wouldn't ask the host for seconds... rather, I would tell DS that we'll grab a snack on the way home and wind the playdate down. That being said, when I'm hosting I always offer as much as the children want without reservation. I agree that this family was clueless and outwore their welcome but I actually think it was nice that the other family members stopped by... I personally really like that kind of thing and enjoy a sense of community. Why would they be trying to "weasel" their way into OP's home? That makes it sound like they had some kind of sinister ulterior motive. They were obviously just being friendly. Now, if they has asked for some nuggets too, that would be a different story!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: How do you ask someone to leave your house politely?

Try standing up and saying, "It was so fun to have you come over! We'll have to do it again sometime. Let me get your coats."

I am really surprised people are giving the OP so much crap. If I had guests running around through the off-limits rooms in my home, I would be very annoyed. OP, have you tried putting your foot down? I mean, it's your house. It's ok for you to say, "Johnny, Jimmy, this room is off-limits, come back out to the family room" or whatever.

And yeah, maybe find some more activities you can do that aren't playdates! Library, park, zoo, walks, museums, errands...