Weird Playdates - am I overreacting?

[Anonymous]

If you host three playdates a week, you're bound to have some weird ones. They're outliers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: this thread makes me sad for kids because it seems like some adults in their lives are so intolerant. kids develop at different paces. they have different needs and abilties and temperaments. let's try not to be annoyed by them and instead, be nururing and helpful and understanding and patient.

I agree - nicely said.

What I've emphasized in bold suggests that you are supportive of enabling children (accepting bad behavior as the norm).

One play date like the one OP had is the last play date for me.

HUH?!?! You have got to be kidding me.

nope - not kidding
totally serious

I'm not teaching my child to behave like an animal. So why should I tolerate that behavior from another person's child in MY HOME?

[Anonymous]

I can't read all of these posts. But a few thoughts.

5/6 year olds can eat a LOT. My daughter is not fat, but she can consume an ENORMOUS amount of food. At my house, once the box of mac n cheese is eaten, if you are still hungry you can have an apple. Little kids haven't learned to be polite enough yet to pretend they are full when they are not. If they are hungry, they are going to let you know. And probably be grumpy and unpleasant until they are fed.

Also, if you have guests in your home, whether they are 6 or 60 it is your job to be a good hostess. That means making sure your guests are not hungry. While we may consider it ill mannered to ask for more food, we should graciously feed them until they are full. If you can't afford to feed them, don't invite them back.

Also as for the off limit rooms. As the parent, you are the one in charge. So tell the kids the rooms are off limits. Then enforce it.

My DD is usually pretty well behaved. But sometimes I am chagrined at how she seems to change when we are at other people's houses! I don't know if it's the excitement, but she sometimes forgets her manners. I think it's normal for a young kid. And it's up to us, their parents and the ones watching them, to remind them of their manners. For example, I don't serve a child food until I get a "please". Even if I have to spell it out for them...."in this house we say 'please'...." or whatever the rule is. Esp. because I see my child watching me during these exchanges to see if I am going to be consistent.

As an aside, there is one little girl in my neighborhood I swear is being raised by Barbarians. Her manners were DREADFUL and she's in about 6th grade now. I'm talking she just opens the fridge, just changes the channel, or turns on the TV, or asks to have dinner with us. No pleases, no thank yous. I would expect a kid to know better by that age.

I used to dread her coming over. Now I look at it as an opportunity to help the kid out. Clearly nobody at home is teaching her about how to be a good house guest, about please and thank you, etc. So I hope that my admonishments to her will help her out later in life. I will actually say to her (nicely), "It is considered polite to wait to be invited instead of asking to stay for dinner". And again, I feel my child watching these exchanges. Later I will actually "invite" her to stay.

The coming in and hanging out thing.... I have to say you kind of sound like me, which is fundamentally anti-social. Perhaps you don't particularly like socializing, or you just prefer to socialize with certain people with whom you are comfortable. I think the family made a fair assumption that it would be nice for them to come in and say hello. Perhaps they are interested in fostering a friendship with you. But for less-social people like me, by the end of a playdate where you're burned out and wanting the other mom to leave, the last thing you welcome in your heart is another "intruder". I understand. But you do need to expect that and again, be a good hostess, if you are going to entertain in your home.

Set limits. Set times. Say no more nuggets but you can have unlimited carrots. Set rooms that are out of bounds. Tell the other mom she doesn't need to stay. Send your child to her house and don't attend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Am I the only person who has had weird play dates for my DC? Where are the normal moms and their kids? Or am I overreacting?

I had a play date over last week and the two kids were crazy wild. They ran upstairs into our personal rooms, bedrooms searching the rooms for additional toys without my consent, without asking DC for permission first. They stayed for lunch. I allotted four chicken nuggets per kid and also had carrot sticks and fruit. After the two kids ate their portion, they whined for more nuggets. Mom actually asked me if I had any more. I baked some more nuggets. They consumed nearly the entire box of our chicken nuggets.

Most playdates we have over are a little aggressive. They salivate over DC's toys and when DC even plays with his own toys, they snatch it out of his hands repeatedly.

One playdate was over our house with the mom and I expected it to take no more than 2 hours. She stayed for nearly FOUR HOURS. I hinted that DC is getting really tired, had to get him ready for his class...nothing worked. Then her husband picks up their older daughter from practice and stops over at our house. I don't know or care to get to know her husband or their older daughter but somehow they managed to weasle their way into my house to hang out for 30 minutes.

Another play date's mom asked me before she arrived if I could have the food ready and on the table as soon as her children arrived because they were coming from a little further away and her kids would be hungry.

So is it just me or are these playdates weird? Do you guys have weird playdates like this?

Uh oh. Those nugget-eating monsters might have been my kids. You see, I'm the mom who never buy nuggets because I think they're crappy nutrition. DC also never goes to McDonald's nor gets nuggets anywhere else, so if tempted by nuggets at your house, he might have gone a little crazy......

Thank goodness you didn't offer ice cream for dessert!

[Anonymous]

this thread is setting a new record. let's try to make it to page ten in 24 hours. thank you snow day.

[Anonymous]

Good idea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Am I the only person who has had weird play dates for my DC? Where are the normal moms and their kids? Or am I overreacting?

I had a play date over last week and the two kids were crazy wild. They ran upstairs into our personal rooms, bedrooms searching the rooms for additional toys without my consent, without asking DC for permission first. They stayed for lunch. I allotted four chicken nuggets per kid and also had carrot sticks and fruit. After the two kids ate their portion, they whined for more nuggets. Mom actually asked me if I had any more. I baked some more nuggets. They consumed nearly the entire box of our chicken nuggets.

Most playdates we have over are a little aggressive. They salivate over DC's toys and when DC even plays with his own toys, they snatch it out of his hands repeatedly.

One playdate was over our house with the mom and I expected it to take no more than 2 hours. She stayed for nearly FOUR HOURS. I hinted that DC is getting really tired, had to get him ready for his class...nothing worked. Then her husband picks up their older daughter from practice and stops over at our house. I don't know or care to get to know her husband or their older daughter but somehow they managed to weasle their way into my house to hang out for 30 minutes.

Another play date's mom asked me before she arrived if I could have the food ready and on the table as soon as her children arrived because they were coming from a little further away and her kids would be hungry.

So is it just me or are these playdates weird? Do you guys have weird playdates like this?

Uh oh. Those nugget-eating monsters might have been my kids. You see, I'm the mom who never buy nuggets because I think they're crappy nutrition. DC also never goes to McDonald's nor gets nuggets anywhere else, so if tempted by nuggets at your house, he might have gone a little crazy......

Thank goodness you didn't offer ice cream for dessert!

That gets a double oy-vey.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: this thread makes me sad for kids because it seems like some adults in their lives are so intolerant. kids develop at different paces. they have different needs and abilties and temperaments. let's try not to be annoyed by them and instead, be nururing and helpful and understanding and patient.

I agree - nicely said.

What I've emphasized in bold suggests that you are supportive of enabling children (accepting bad behavior as the norm).

One play date like the one OP had is the last play date for me.

HUH?!?! You have got to be kidding me.

enabling? you have GOT to be kidding. we aren't talking about alcoholics here... what about seeing it as an opportunity to be supportive and teach them in a loving way?

[Anonymous]

Maybe the Dad wanted to check YOU out. See YOUR environment??

This all boils down to having some HOSPITALITY. You are clearly lacking in it if you can't invite someone over and deal with all of the nuggets and weaseling on in.

It sounds like to me that you're using these children to keep your child busy. You clearly dont want to establish a relationship since you're so put off by the Dad coming in. Maybe they wanted to make friends? maybe they thought you might be potential 'couple' friends?

Take the stick out of your ass, buy some more nuggets, and enjoy life.

[Anonymous]

You're annoyed with some poor kid having to relieve himself at your house?

General comment: even if you didn't plan for lunch, have food. Food is the number one important thing for a playdate. Not carrots, either. Something kids are pretty much guaranteed to like, such as cheese sticks or chicken nuggets. Don't be a cheeseball about the food. If you want to be a cheeseball, don't invite people to your house.

OP here: Well kids like chocolate and candy, should I have served that for lunch too? Sorry, they will get tasty food at my house but they will get offered healthy food as well and that will include a serving of veggies and fruit. Whether they eat it is up to them or their mom, not me, but I will not put ONLY fried food or stuff with too many preservatives and additives. The chicken nuggets was tasty, the pasta was tasty, and most kids like fruit. I've been to plenty of playdates where carrot sticks was put on the table and the kids ate them!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel for you OP - really do, you are such a good sport for taking so much crap -

OP here: Doesn't bother me that much. I expect it here..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel for you OP - really do, you are such a good sport for taking so much crap -

OP here: Doesn't bother me that much. I expect it here..

Yes, you do seem to be enjoying it, even if public opinion is overwhelmingly against about your values and behavior.

[Anonymous]

I'd like to answer all the questions but I'll answer those I remember!

First, I'm not responding to any crass or crude comments or questions. Those I ignore and answer only the polite and serious ones.

How did I meet them - at a park.
Were they twins - yes.
Why I didn't let them play with DC's expensive toys - because some are each hundreds of dollars, some have sentimental value to him. DC is an only child so he gets spoiled by grandparents alot with toys. There was plenty for the playdates to play with, trust me on this.
Am I assuming all kids are like DC? Probably that's my mistake here, but clearly I have seen some boys like DC. DC's preschool has a majority of easygoing boys though, very different from majority of boys. Not sure if Montessori nurtures that laid back, easygoing quality or if moms who have kids like this value Montessori education more. Not sure if it's parenting or genetics. But I just want DC to be with kids who are like him.
Chicken nuggets - okay, okay, can we put a R.I.P sign over the nuggets issue now? I understand that other boys have large appetites.
Having patience and being understanding - No, I don't have understanding for really bad manners in 6 year olds that treat my house and my son like dirt. Treaching and training other people's kids is not my job, especially when I don't know the kids or the mom well enough.

[Anonymous]

OP again, sorry forgot to add...

I am just starting to get to know moms at DC's preschool better and DC is getting invited over for a few playdates. I hope they go well and the boys personalities fit well.

About the anti social thing - I'm definitely not a social butterfly but I enjoy socializing with considerate people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd like to answer all the questions but I'll answer those I remember!

First, I'm not responding to any crass or crude comments or questions. Those I ignore and answer only the polite and serious ones.

How did I meet them - at a park.
Were they twins - yes.
Why I didn't let them play with DC's expensive toys - because some are each hundreds of dollars, some have sentimental value to him. DC is an only child so he gets spoiled by grandparents alot with toys. There was plenty for the playdates to play with, trust me on this.
Am I assuming all kids are like DC? Probably that's my mistake here, but clearly I have seen some boys like DC. DC's preschool has a majority of easygoing boys though, very different from majority of boys. Not sure if Montessori nurtures that laid back, easygoing quality or if moms who have kids like this value Montessori education more. Not sure if it's parenting or genetics. But I just want DC to be with kids who are like him.
Chicken nuggets - okay, okay, can we put a R.I.P sign over the nuggets issue now? I understand that other boys have large appetites.
Having patience and being understanding - No, I don't have understanding for really bad manners in 6 year olds that treat my house and my son like dirt. Treaching and training other people's kids is not my job, especially when I don't know the kids or the mom well enough.

Ugh.