Guys, how do you feel when she says no?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your spouse - man or woman - is denying you sex they are not living up to their marital obligations. They are leaving you with no ethical way for you to get your sexual needs met. Then they are pissed when you stray.

07:34 again.

So what?

You need to talk to your spouse and say "I want to have a sex life. I want to have it with you. But if you won't have sex with me, I am going to go outside the relationship. What can we do to make this relationship work sexually?"

If he/she is pissed about that, too bad. No sex and no outside excursions is not fair.

So the spouse says, "We do have a sex life. Missionary three times a month, in bed, at night." If that's not enough and "Missionary Spouse" won't budge, even after seeing a counsellor specializing in sexual compatibility issues?

[Anonymous]

then you decide if being a realized sexual being is worth the disruption of the divorce.

having ones sexual needs met is as important as there is in my opinion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:then you decide if being a realized sexual being is worth the disruption of the divorce.

having ones sexual needs met is as important as there is in my opinion.

Or you have an affair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wife here who unfortunately often says no. Reason? I am often tired and since he gained weight I have hard time getting into it. I have suggested/offered support to do something about the weight. He says he will when HE is READY. So men on this board who often get rejected, would you do something about weight if that was adding to the frequency of the rejections?

This was a problem in my marriage. My DH slowly gained 50lbs from our wedding day. He was not scrawny when I married him either.

I straight up told him that his weight was an issue and I was not attracted to his body and that if he wanted more sex, he needed to step up his game and act like he cares about attracting me. He promptly 60lbs and is now what I would call "jacked". He is sexier than the day we met and more fit. It was like a fire was lighted under his ass. For him, it is more than attracting me, he feels good about himself and he's proud of his fitness. He dresses better now and his whole personality radiates confidence.

I practice what I preach. I was all over him also because I was the one who had the babies and dug myself out of a hole. If I could do that while working full time with two small children, then what was his excuse? Luckily my DH can make connections and still understand that I'm a sexual being that still needs to be attracted to my spouse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your spouse - man or woman - is denying you sex they are not living up to their marital obligations. They are leaving you with no ethical way for you to get your sexual needs met. Then they are pissed when you stray.

07:34 again.

So what?

You need to talk to your spouse and say "I want to have a sex life. I want to have it with you. But if you won't have sex with me, I am going to go outside the relationship. What can we do to make this relationship work sexually?"

If he/she is pissed about that, too bad. No sex and no outside excursions is not fair.

So the spouse says, "We do have a sex life. Missionary three times a month, in bed, at night." If that's not enough and "Missionary Spouse" won't budge, even after seeing a counsellor specializing in sexual compatibility issues?

You tell them that you are not satisfied and see a counselor to improve it. If they don't want to improve it, then you tell them that you reserve the right to step out.

Or you don't tell them, and then you step out on them or you don't.

The deal on this stuff is that it's a kind of chicken. Who is going to compromise to save the marriage? Who doesn't care about the marriage enough to compromise?

You and your spouse are the only ones who can figure that out.

Bad sex can be worth a divorce, though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I never realized how deeply rejected men feel when their wives turn them down for sex until I began reading this forum. Whenever my dh asked for sex and I said no, I never thought of it as that big of a deal. Oh well, we'll do it next time. Then I read this post here from a guy who described in detail how sad it made him, how it just shot down his whole self-esteem, especially when it happened over and over again. I think it leads to some guys cheating.

Do other men feel this way? Is it bigger for you emotionally than your wife realizes?

Yes. It is a big downer. Its all fun and games when you are single, out in a bar or whatever. But then you find a woman you really love. Then, for no real reason, you get turned down.

Believe me, it hurts. I'm going through the same thing right now, but things are getting better. Wives, listen up. Your husbands love you, so make love with them.

and yes, I can see how it makes them cheat, but not for the pure experience of orgasm, but the need to feel wanted, desired, and for affection. My wife at least french kisses me deeply every day. Believe it or not it makes a huge difference.

But I don't want DH. I don't want to kiss him. I don't want to have sex with him. I don't want him. I would like to have a sex life again, but not with him.

I asked him to agree to an amicable divorce, but he won't agree to it. I don't want to start WWIII over this, but I really don't want him. I've been very clear with him about it and my desire for a divorce.

So... at least in my case, you're not wrong about what "no sex" means. It means I want out.

So are you legally separated? What are you waiting for?

I have told him explicitly that I want a divorce. He won't move out. I don't want to start a huge, bitter battle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So, are wives expected to have sex no matter what then? Whenever their husband wants it?

Clearly not the point. Don't victimize yourself. I can't understand why there wouldn't be sex in a committed relationship. Certainly, he did not complain when you first met? Right. So why now is sex on the decline?

I have pleasured wife many a times when I didn't want it. It was my duty, and I did it happily. Two way street.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I read a similar post of rejection the other morning while laying in bed. I got up, brushed my teeth, undressed and crawled back into bed and started in with a blow job and finished on top. Made his day.

You don't by any chance freelance occassionally and do house calls?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wife here who unfortunately often says no. Reason? I am often tired and since he gained weight I have hard time getting into it. I have suggested/offered support to do something about the weight. He says he will when HE is READY. So men on this board who often get rejected, would you do something about weight if that was adding to the frequency of the rejections?

This was a problem in my marriage. My DH slowly gained 50lbs from our wedding day. He was not scrawny when I married him either.

I straight up told him that his weight was an issue and I was not attracted to his body and that if he wanted more sex, he needed to step up his game and act like he cares about attracting me. He promptly 60lbs and is now what I would call "jacked". He is sexier than the day we met and more fit. It was like a fire was lighted under his ass. For him, it is more than attracting me, he feels good about himself and he's proud of his fitness. He dresses better now and his whole personality radiates confidence.

I practice what I preach. I was all over him also because I was the one who had the babies and dug myself out of a hole. If I could do that while working full time with two small children, then what was his excuse? Luckily my DH can make connections and still understand that I'm a sexual being that still needs to be attracted to my spouse.

You had to tell him all this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wife here who unfortunately often says no. Reason? I am often tired and since he gained weight I have hard time getting into it. I have suggested/offered support to do something about the weight. He says he will when HE is READY. So men on this board who often get rejected, would you do something about weight if that was adding to the frequency of the rejections?

This was a problem in my marriage. My DH slowly gained 50lbs from our wedding day. He was not scrawny when I married him either.

I straight up told him that his weight was an issue and I was not attracted to his body and that if he wanted more sex, he needed to step up his game and act like he cares about attracting me. He promptly 60lbs and is now what I would call "jacked". He is sexier than the day we met and more fit. It was like a fire was lighted under his ass. For him, it is more than attracting me, he feels good about himself and he's proud of his fitness. He dresses better now and his whole personality radiates confidence.

I practice what I preach. I was all over him also because I was the one who had the babies and dug myself out of a hole. If I could do that while working full time with two small children, then what was his excuse? Luckily my DH can make connections and still understand that I'm a sexual being that still needs to be attracted to my spouse.

You had to tell him all this?

Why wouldn't I? He wanted to know why I did not want to have much sex and I told him the reason. Should I have lied? He might be 80lbs overweight today and there would probably be zero sex. He's healthier and more confident. His ego is not so fragile that he cannot take some constructive criticism. I would hope if he were not attracted to me because of something I could control that he would tell me so I could make a change. Just because you are married, it does not give you license to abandon your efforts of trying to remain attractive to the person that you are expected to be monogamous with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I read a similar post of rejection the other morning while laying in bed. I got up, brushed my teeth, undressed and crawled back into bed and started in with a blow job and finished on top. Made his day.

You don't by any chance freelance occassionally and do house calls?

LOL, no-sorry!

This is one of my many tricks. My DH will do anything I ask when I do stuff like this. It puts him in a hypnotic state for the rest of the day.

[Anonymous]

9:07, he couldn't figure out on his own the connection between his weight gain and lack of sex?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:9:07, he couldn't figure out on his own the connection between his weight gain and lack of sex?

Not the poster you are asking, but how would he figure that out on his own? There are people who have plenty of sex with their overweight spouses. Most men like direct answers to their questions. I have a friend who has a very active sex life with her 300lb husband. She is really really skinny herself. Not everyone can handle that.

Do you assume that all fat people feel un sex worthy? cause I see a lot of fat people with tons of body confidence feeling all sexy with their rolls spilling out all over the place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I read a similar post of rejection the other morning while laying in bed. I got up, brushed my teeth, undressed and crawled back into bed and started in with a blow job and finished on top. Made his day.

You don't by any chance freelance occassionally and do house calls?

LOL, no-sorry!

This is one of my many tricks. My DH will do anything I ask when I do stuff like this. It puts him in a hypnotic state for the rest of the day.

That must be my problem. My DH can take or leave sex, and isn't good enough to put me in frame of mind to do anything he wants.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:9:07, he couldn't figure out on his own the connection between his weight gain and lack of sex?

Not the poster you are asking, but how would he figure that out on his own? There are people who have plenty of sex with their overweight spouses. Most men like direct answers to their questions. I have a friend who has a very active sex life with her 300lb husband. She is really really skinny herself. Not everyone can handle that.

Do you assume that all fat people feel un sex worthy? cause I see a lot of fat people with tons of body confidence feeling all sexy with their rolls spilling out all over the place.

No I assume many people would be turned off by the thought of having sex with a spouse who's gained 80 pounds since marriage.