Guys, how do you feel when she says no?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I do. We just had our 15 year anniversary in the fall and Im lucky to get it 6-8 times per year. No, I didnt put on a 100 pounds and no, I try all the time to initiate. Its to the point where its caused a strain on our marriage and Ill stick it out until the kids get to college and then Im done.

Won't you even try couples therapy?

[Anonymous]

Reading all these replies... This is why I never want to be married again. It's so nice to only see my guy once a week. To think about him.... look forward to it.... save up my energy and then totally attack him. Only have sex when you WANT to, not because you are obligated, and not because you have to worry about feelings of rejection or the destruction of your relationship if you aren't having sex whenever he wants to.

I knew a woman who told me her husband expected sex every-other night. I thought, how horrible. It's like you're a receptacle for a bodily function, like a toilet, instead of passionate love making. I'd go nuts if I had someone pawing at me all the time like that.

Most men and women who want romance should not live together. Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Reading all these replies... This is why I never want to be married again. It's so nice to only see my guy once a week. To think about him.... look forward to it.... save up my energy and then totally attack him. Only have sex when you WANT to, not because you are obligated, and not because you have to worry about feelings of rejection or the destruction of your relationship if you aren't having sex whenever he wants to.

I knew a woman who told me her husband expected sex every-other night. I thought, how horrible. It's like you're a receptacle for a bodily function, like a toilet, instead of passionate love making. I'd go nuts if I had someone pawing at me all the time like that.

Most men and women who want romance should not live together. Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

You only want sex once a week? No wonder you didn't like being married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Reading all these replies... This is why I never want to be married again. It's so nice to only see my guy once a week. To think about him.... look forward to it.... save up my energy and then totally attack him. Only have sex when you WANT to, not because you are obligated, and not because you have to worry about feelings of rejection or the destruction of your relationship if you aren't having sex whenever he wants to.

I knew a woman who told me her husband expected sex every-other night. I thought, how horrible. It's like you're a receptacle for a bodily function, like a toilet, instead of passionate love making. I'd go nuts if I had someone pawing at me all the time like that.

Most men and women who want romance should not live together. Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

You only want sex once a week? No wonder you didn't like being married.

Holy shit right? I've been with my DH 15 years and we still go at it 2-3xs a week with a little stand alone oral thown in there for good measure. Prior to having kids, we were fucking 2xs a day.

You are wise, DO NOT GET MARRIED AGAIN. You sound low drive.

I feel bad for many of the men posting on here in sexless marriages. I don't think they are the norm though. As I've entered into my late 30s, my drive has increased, so I'm not sure what is going on in these relationships.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Reading all these replies... This is why I never want to be married again. It's so nice to only see my guy once a week. To think about him.... look forward to it.... save up my energy and then totally attack him. Only have sex when you WANT to, not because you are obligated, and not because you have to worry about feelings of rejection or the destruction of your relationship if you aren't having sex whenever he wants to.

I knew a woman who told me her husband expected sex every-other night. I thought, how horrible. It's like you're a receptacle for a bodily function, like a toilet, instead of passionate love making. I'd go nuts if I had someone pawing at me all the time like that.

Most men and women who want romance should not live together. Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

You only want sex once a week? No wonder you didn't like being married.

Holy shit right? I've been with my DH 15 years and we still go at it 2-3xs a week with a little stand alone oral thown in there for good measure. Prior to having kids, we were fucking 2xs a day.

You are wise, DO NOT GET MARRIED AGAIN. You sound low drive.

I feel bad for many of the men posting on here in sexless marriages. I don't think they are the norm though. As I've entered into my late 30s, my drive has increased, so I'm not sure what is going on in these relationships.

NP. 2x a day would be hellish for me. A couple times a week is perfect. I like ice cream, but I don't eat it every day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Reading all these replies... This is why I never want to be married again. It's so nice to only see my guy once a week. To think about him.... look forward to it.... save up my energy and then totally attack him. Only have sex when you WANT to, not because you are obligated, and not because you have to worry about feelings of rejection or the destruction of your relationship if you aren't having sex whenever he wants to.

I knew a woman who told me her husband expected sex every-other night. I thought, how horrible. It's like you're a receptacle for a bodily function, like a toilet, instead of passionate love making. I'd go nuts if I had someone pawing at me all the time like that.

Most men and women who want romance should not live together. Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

You only want sex once a week? No wonder you didn't like being married.

Holy shit right? I've been with my DH 15 years and we still go at it 2-3xs a week with a little stand alone oral thown in there for good measure. Prior to having kids, we were fucking 2xs a day.

You are wise, DO NOT GET MARRIED AGAIN. You sound low drive.

I feel bad for many of the men posting on here in sexless marriages. I don't think they are the norm though. As I've entered into my late 30s, my drive has increased, so I'm not sure what is going on in these relationships.

NP. 2x a day would be hellish for me. A couple times a week is perfect. I like ice cream, but I don't eat it every day.

Damn, even before kids?

Nothing use to beat taking 10 min in the morning to get off and then another before bed. Why would that be hellish, sex feels so good! Also, for some reason my orgasms in the morning are so intense. My DH said he thinks he could shoot a hole in the ceiling.

Now, we are just so damn tired and each second in the morning is used for sleep.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Reading all these replies... This is why I never want to be married again. It's so nice to only see my guy once a week. To think about him.... look forward to it.... save up my energy and then totally attack him. Only have sex when you WANT to, not because you are obligated, and not because you have to worry about feelings of rejection or the destruction of your relationship if you aren't having sex whenever he wants to.

I knew a woman who told me her husband expected sex every-other night. I thought, how horrible. It's like you're a receptacle for a bodily function, like a toilet, instead of passionate love making. I'd go nuts if I had someone pawing at me all the time like that.

Most men and women who want romance should not live together. Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

You only want sex once a week? No wonder you didn't like being married.

Holy shit right? I've been with my DH 15 years and we still go at it 2-3xs a week with a little stand alone oral thown in there for good measure. Prior to having kids, we were fucking 2xs a day.

You are wise, DO NOT GET MARRIED AGAIN. You sound low drive.

I feel bad for many of the men posting on here in sexless marriages. I don't think they are the norm though. As I've entered into my late 30s, my drive has increased, so I'm not sure what is going on in these relationships.

NP. 2x a day would be hellish for me. A couple times a week is perfect. I like ice cream, but I don't eat it every day.

Damn, even before kids?

Nothing use to beat taking 10 min in the morning to get off and then another before bed. Why would that be hellish, sex feels so good! Also, for some reason my orgasms in the morning are so intense. My DH said he thinks he could shoot a hole in the ceiling.

Now, we are just so damn tired and each second in the morning is used for sleep.

Still TTC. I can't get revved up twice in one day. It doesn't matter who my partner is. I've been like that with every guy!

[Anonymous]

2xs a day poster here. Well TTC takes all the fun out of sex. I had a hard time getting pregnant with my 2nd and the sex SUCKED. I hate having sex for a purpose.

Good luck TTC! It worked out for me after a very stressful year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First I didn't notice there was no sex as we were both busy with the kids. Then I pleaded with dw to get help, or an open marriage. Now I am just at a loss about what to do next.

How long did it take you to notice?

NP but I found myself in a similar dynamic. Sex was pretty good before the first kid. It took a dive during pregnancy - I thought that was fairly normal and didn't push the issue. First couple of months after kid #1 were also slow - still, thought it was fairly normal, lack of sleep, post-pregnancy hormones, etc. Didn't push it. Not long after, we started trying to conceive kid #2. My wife was on a mission and, frankly, it got to be a chore, but the frequency was way up at that point. Then, during pregnancy #2, the frequency dropped way down again. Then post-pregnancy, it was still low. No problems, I knew the deal. For another year or two, I explained away the 1-2x/month sex with chasing around toddlers. She said she was just tired all the time. Then I needed to help more around the house (I stepped it up). Then she had body image issues. (She had put on a fair amount of weight during this period)

I was very patient. (Probably too patient in retrospect). Every time she offered a reason why she didn't feel much like having sex, I responded and tried to do whatever I could on my end to address that reason. I didn't really pull the alarm until both kids were school age (5 or 6), she had more free time to drop that weight that was making her feel bad, and the sex situation didn't get any better. At that point, she seemed to realize she shouldn't be too tired for sex, the problem didn't seem to be with me (I'm staying reasonably attractive - performing well as a Dad & a husband), she was happier about her body than she'd been in a while, but she still had no sex drive. The Mirena IUD she got shortly after the birth of kid #2 seems to have been playing a part. Now she's a lot more likely to respond to my advances, and I'm a lot less likely to feel wounded when she doesn't feel up to having sex. And, with me not feeling wounded, she feels a lot less pressure to have sex when I do try to initiate which makes her a lot more likely to want to have sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Reading all these replies... This is why I never want to be married again. It's so nice to only see my guy once a week. To think about him.... look forward to it.... save up my energy and then totally attack him. Only have sex when you WANT to, not because you are obligated, and not because you have to worry about feelings of rejection or the destruction of your relationship if you aren't having sex whenever he wants to.

I knew a woman who told me her husband expected sex every-other night. I thought, how horrible. It's like you're a receptacle for a bodily function, like a toilet, instead of passionate love making. I'd go nuts if I had someone pawing at me all the time like that.

Most men and women who want romance should not live together. Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

But sex is not just pleasurable for the man (we hope). Women get something (an orgasm) out of it too. You make it sound like you're doing a favor for the guy and by only "having" to do it once a week it's a favor you're happy to give. HIM. But women can enjoy and crave sex for the pleasure and release it gives them too. I have sex with DH 3-4 times a week. Not because he expects it every other night (although at this point, he probably does since happens for the most part), but because I want him, I want to be that close with him, because he makes my body feel amazing and in return I try to make his body feel amazing also. It's not one-sided.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Reading all these replies... This is why I never want to be married again. It's so nice to only see my guy once a week. To think about him.... look forward to it.... save up my energy and then totally attack him. Only have sex when you WANT to, not because you are obligated, and not because you have to worry about feelings of rejection or the destruction of your relationship if you aren't having sex whenever he wants to.

I knew a woman who told me her husband expected sex every-other night. I thought, how horrible. It's like you're a receptacle for a bodily function, like a toilet, instead of passionate love making. I'd go nuts if I had someone pawing at me all the time like that.

Most men and women who want romance should not live together. Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

But sex is not just pleasurable for the man (we hope). Women get something (an orgasm) out of it too. You make it sound like you're doing a favor for the guy and by only "having" to do it once a week it's a favor you're happy to give. HIM. But women can enjoy and crave sex for the pleasure and release it gives them too. I have sex with DH 3-4 times a week. Not because he expects it every other night (although at this point, he probably does since happens for the most part), but because I want him, I want to be that close with him, because he makes my body feel amazing and in return I try to make his body feel amazing also. It's not one-sided.

Do you understand, though, that some people may not feel the same way about sex? The same way as some people are untouched by music, by Superbowl, by cupcakes, by dogs? I mean we do it every once in a while, but it's not a must-have on a weekly basis, and time goes on just fine without it. If two people are matched that way, who are you to pass judgment on their marriage other than you don't want to live like that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Reading all these replies... This is why I never want to be married again. It's so nice to only see my guy once a week. To think about him.... look forward to it.... save up my energy and then totally attack him. Only have sex when you WANT to, not because you are obligated, and not because you have to worry about feelings of rejection or the destruction of your relationship if you aren't having sex whenever he wants to.

I knew a woman who told me her husband expected sex every-other night. I thought, how horrible. It's like you're a receptacle for a bodily function, like a toilet, instead of passionate love making. I'd go nuts if I had someone pawing at me all the time like that.

Most men and women who want romance should not live together. Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

You only want sex once a week? No wonder you didn't like being married.

Holy shit right? I've been with my DH 15 years and we still go at it 2-3xs a week with a little stand alone oral thown in there for good measure. Prior to having kids, we were fucking 2xs a day.

You are wise, DO NOT GET MARRIED AGAIN. You sound low drive.

I feel bad for many of the men posting on here in sexless marriages. I don't think they are the norm though. As I've entered into my late 30s, my drive has increased, so I'm not sure what is going on in these relationships.

NP. 2x a day would be hellish for me. A couple times a week is perfect. I like ice cream, but I don't eat it every day.

Psst...sex isn't the same every time you do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Reading all these replies... This is why I never want to be married again. It's so nice to only see my guy once a week. To think about him.... look forward to it.... save up my energy and then totally attack him. Only have sex when you WANT to, not because you are obligated, and not because you have to worry about feelings of rejection or the destruction of your relationship if you aren't having sex whenever he wants to.

I knew a woman who told me her husband expected sex every-other night. I thought, how horrible. It's like you're a receptacle for a bodily function, like a toilet, instead of passionate love making. I'd go nuts if I had someone pawing at me all the time like that.

Most men and women who want romance should not live together. Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

You only want sex once a week? No wonder you didn't like being married.

Holy shit right? I've been with my DH 15 years and we still go at it 2-3xs a week with a little stand alone oral thown in there for good measure. Prior to having kids, we were fucking 2xs a day.

You are wise, DO NOT GET MARRIED AGAIN. You sound low drive.

I feel bad for many of the men posting on here in sexless marriages. I don't think they are the norm though. As I've entered into my late 30s, my drive has increased, so I'm not sure what is going on in these relationships.

NP. 2x a day would be hellish for me. A couple times a week is perfect. I like ice cream, but I don't eat it every day.

Psst...sex isn't the same every time you do it.

There's no need to be condescending. People have different levels of drive. The variety doesn't make any difference.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Reading all these replies... This is why I never want to be married again. It's so nice to only see my guy once a week. To think about him.... look forward to it.... save up my energy and then totally attack him. Only have sex when you WANT to, not because you are obligated, and not because you have to worry about feelings of rejection or the destruction of your relationship if you aren't having sex whenever he wants to.

I knew a woman who told me her husband expected sex every-other night. I thought, how horrible. It's like you're a receptacle for a bodily function, like a toilet, instead of passionate love making. I'd go nuts if I had someone pawing at me all the time like that.

Most men and women who want romance should not live together. Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

You should be married to my DH. Once a week is perfect for him. I prefer to have sex 3 or 4 times of week. Moral of the story: be brutally honest about how much sex you prefer before you get married. It's a bad scene otherwise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First I didn't notice there was no sex as we were both busy with the kids. Then I pleaded with dw to get help, or an open marriage. Now I am just at a loss about what to do next.

How long did it take you to notice?

Two or three years. The second stage took seven or more years.

My conclusion is that you're both very low sex drive. Even with two kids under three, we made it a point to have sex once a week whether we felt like it or not.

NO. I have a high sex drive.