Gay man who adopted a child: Ask me Anything

[Anonymous]

I once worked for an RE in the area who had a handful of eitherr single gay men or gay couples pursuing donor egg/gestational carrier, to bypass the legal challenges of adoption while maintaining a genetic link to the child. Did you consider this option? If so, what changed your mind?

Also, I think your Grandmother sounds amazing. Some of my family, myself included, have kept things from our Grandmother that we thought would put her over the edge, but she always took it in stride. We never gave her enough credit, not realizing that she witnessed so many things in her life, and was a very resilient person. I'm so happy that you have a blessing like her in your life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP here and I asked about your extended family...

are you in a relationship? Do you have time to go out on dates? Are you actively searching for a partner?

...and, are you hot? You sound very attractive, but then again, I find nurturing types to be sexy.

Lol, I get by. Currently not in a relationship, though when I need a date to an event I can always scrounge one up. There's some very casual dating here and there but I'm not pursuing a relationship right now. If it happens, great, but if it doesn't that's okay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I once worked for an RE in the area who had a handful of eitherr single gay men or gay couples pursuing donor egg/gestational carrier, to bypass the legal challenges of adoption while maintaining a genetic link to the child. Did you consider this option? If so, what changed your mind?

Also, I think your Grandmother sounds amazing. Some of my family, myself included, have kept things from our Grandmother that we thought would put her over the edge, but she always took it in stride. We never gave her enough credit, not realizing that she witnessed so many things in her life, and was a very resilient person. I'm so happy that you have a blessing like her in your life.

I didn't really care about having a genetic link to my child.
Totally agree - my grandmother was absolutely amazing. She was viewed as eccentric and somewhat unstable when really she's simply not uber-conservative at heart.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry to hear that about your family. Your grandmother sounds wonderful though, and like a terrific mother/female figure to look up to for your DD. Are you able to see her very much and/or otherwise maintain a relationship between her and your DD?

We moved here after she died. She was the only reason I was staying.

Very sorry for your loss.

[Anonymous]

I love reading your posts OP. You seem like a truly genuine and wonderful man.

Congrats and you DD is very lucky to have you

[Anonymous]

Do people who have just met you ever assume that you are a straight widower?

I was friendly with a gay couple where one partner died when their son was young, and the surviving partner sometimes had people ask him if he was divorced or if his wife had died. (And I want to echo the PPs who have praised your reflective good humored attitude toward parenting, your daughter is lucky from the sounds of things.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do people who have just met you ever assume that you are a straight widower?

I was friendly with a gay couple where one partner died when their son was young, and the surviving partner sometimes had people ask him if he was divorced or if his wife had died. (And I want to echo the PPs who have praised your reflective good humored attitude toward parenting, your daughter is lucky from the sounds of things.)

When she was an infant people often asked me where her mama was. In my town I would always be polite and answer that I'd adopted her. They would then correct themselves to, "Oh, so where's her adopted mama?" Now people just assume I'm divorced and babysitting my own daughter.

It has kept me up at night wondering what to teach her to say to people when they ask questions that is polite but protects her privacy. Recently we were in a bookstore and she went into the children's section. I was about 15 feet away in the adult section and could see her. Some well-meaning woman asked her, "Where's your mommy?" and she just looked at the woman a little confused and asked back, "Where's YOUR mommy?" It was funny but too rude for my comfort. I want to find the balance of her being respectful yet not having to share personal details of her life with strangers.

[Anonymous]

What's your take on the level of snarkiness on DCUM?

[Anonymous]

Am I the only married straight lady developing a slight crush on OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What's your take on the level of snarkiness on DCUM?

Like watching Bravo tv shows, it's a guilty pleasure I like to indulge in occasionally - it goes in waves.

[Anonymous]

How do you take your coffee?

[Anonymous]

How do you plan to handle things like periods, bra shopping, first boyfriends (basically all of the things my DH is terrified of when it comes to our DD), etc..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do you take your coffee?

Black, one Splenda.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do you plan to handle things like periods, bra shopping, first boyfriends (basically all of the things my DH is terrified of when it comes to our DD), etc..

Same way I plan to handle everything. We'll talk about it, we'll read books about it, and if needed, we'll pull in "experts." I grew up with two sisters; I'm not afraid of a little bra talk.

[Anonymous]

OP, I have 3 year old twin boys with my wife. If someone asks them where their daddy is, they say "I have a mama and a mommy." If the questioner is lucky, they'll let them off with that, but sometimes they get interrogated about whether or not they have grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. The boys love to talk about all different families.

Also, you might want to join Rainbow Families DC, they do neat outings for kids and grownups too!