Gay man who adopted a child: Ask me Anything

[Anonymous]

Thanks, OP! You are a very patient person to answer all these questions.

I have a few more:

- would you consider adopting another child?

- do you ever get scared being a solo parent? I ask because I have moments of sheer panic when things go horribly awry and my DH is away on business (he travels all the time).

- do you get lonely?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you doing delayed immunizations? I liked everything about you until that bit. You seem so sensible and smart, so what kind of a decision is delayed immunizations?

My daughter's birth mother would not, or could not, provide much medical history. We know nothing of the birth father's side except that he's abusive and his brother has an eating disorder. My daughter's pediatrician suggested a delayed schedule, spreading out the immunizations.

Ok then.

Best of luck with everything. You and your daughter are lucky to have one another.

[Anonymous]

What do you need to work at as a parent?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks, OP! You are a very patient person to answer all these questions.

I have a few more:

- would you consider adopting another child?

- do you ever get scared being a solo parent? I ask because I have moments of sheer panic when things go horribly awry and my DH is away on business (he travels all the time).

- do you get lonely?

1. No, not as a single parent.
2. yes. less as she's getting more and more verbal. but when she's sick. and, it has nothing to do with being her only parent, but every time she falls face-first I am terrified that when I pick her up and flip her around her beautiful face will be a bloody mess. i get scared when we go to crowded places. why do some people insist on walking between us, thereby separating us from each other when we're walking side by side?
3. rarely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What do you need to work at as a parent?

Dunno. I'm sure my daughter will scream it at me when she's 12.

[Anonymous]

Does she have meltdowns?

Is she gentle w/the dog?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does she have meltdowns?

Is she gentle w/the dog?

Few enough that I can count them on one hand, but they've happened.
1. There was the first one, outside Crate & Barrel. I don't remember what started it, but we spent almost an hour outside the doors of the store with her screaming hysterically and me waiting her out.
2. There was the one at the opening of a friend's store that I wasn't even sure was a tantrum (but was assured it was) where she laid down on her stomach on the floor and stayed there, silent, for about ten minutes. I didn't know what to do so I just stood there making sure nobody stepped on her. Eventually she just stood up and started walking around, perfectly fine.
3. There was the one on the bus, when an old lady gestured for me to take her off her seat so the lady could sit down. So I put her on my lap, and she scream-cried hysterically, "That was MY seat," for the rest of the ride. Lesson learned: the baby thinks she's a real person. Ever since then, I ask her if she'd like to sit on my lap so the other person can sit down. When she says no, which she sometimes does, I give up my seat.
4. The time we were walking somewhere, found a spot with raised pebbles, she was walking on them for a while, then I insisted we keep going and took her off the pebbles. Lesson: give warning about it almost being time to leave someplace she's having fun, and include what she has to look forward to at the next place.

Yes, very gentle with the dog. Her second word was "Gentle, gentle!" because that's what my grandmother and I constantly said to her every time she went to touch the dog.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks, OP! You are a very patient person to answer all these questions.

I have a few more:

- would you consider adopting another child?

- do you ever get scared being a solo parent? I ask because I have moments of sheer panic when things go horribly awry and my DH is away on business (he travels all the time).

- do you get lonely?

1. No, not as a single parent.
2. yes. less as she's getting more and more verbal. but when she's sick. and, it has nothing to do with being her only parent, but every time she falls face-first I am terrified that when I pick her up and flip her around her beautiful face will be a bloody mess. i get scared when we go to crowded places. why do some people insist on walking between us, thereby separating us from each other when we're walking side by side?
3. rarely.

My husband vents about #2 all the time, he thinks its because people assume that a mother is with him and a father wouldn't be alone. Someone once actually separate him and my daughter (while they were holding hands). People just suck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:3. There was the one on the bus, when an old lady gestured for me to take her off her seat so the lady could sit down. So I put her on my lap, and she scream-cried hysterically, "That was MY seat," for the rest of the ride. Lesson learned: the baby thinks she's a real person. Ever since then, I ask her if she'd like to sit on my lap so the other person can sit down. When she says no, which she sometimes does, I give up my seat.

OK, so admittedly I don't have kids, but wouldn't this be an opportunity to teach her she can't always get what she wants?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:3. There was the one on the bus, when an old lady gestured for me to take her off her seat so the lady could sit down. So I put her on my lap, and she scream-cried hysterically, "That was MY seat," for the rest of the ride. Lesson learned: the baby thinks she's a real person. Ever since then, I ask her if she'd like to sit on my lap so the other person can sit down. When she says no, which she sometimes does, I give up my seat.

OK, so admittedly I don't have kids, but wouldn't this be an opportunity to teach her she can't always get what she wants?

No...as one with kids...you can't use a moment like that to teach...afterwards, yes. Then? No.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:3. There was the one on the bus, when an old lady gestured for me to take her off her seat so the lady could sit down. So I put her on my lap, and she scream-cried hysterically, "That was MY seat," for the rest of the ride. Lesson learned: the baby thinks she's a real person. Ever since then, I ask her if she'd like to sit on my lap so the other person can sit down. When she says no, which she sometimes does, I give up my seat.

OK, so admittedly I don't have kids, but wouldn't this be an opportunity to teach her she can't always get what she wants?

Nope, for a few reasons. 1. She had JUST turned 2, so telling a hysterically crying demon-child "Well, sometimes you just can't get what you want!" was not going to do anything helpful. 2. I understood her point. She'd walked onto the bus herself, she'd picked out her seat, she'd climbed onto it, and it was her seat. That lady was, in her mind, just taking away her seat, and I was allowing it. 3. She already knew (and knows) she can't always get what she wants. She's reminded of this every weekday morning when I leave for work.

[Anonymous]

When did you cry last?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When did you cry last?

When my grandmother died. She exemplified unconditional love, and was so outrageously supportive, even when the entire family was against her decision to support me.