Awkward – neighbors overheard me talk about their DC

[Anonymous]

Op said the neighbors knew she had a preemie, but I doubt they knew she had iugr. And after re-reading ops comments, she herself said she meant no harm when she called the toddler ridiculous....then op should understand that her neighbor likely meant no harm by calling her baby tiny.

[Anonymous]

I understand there are heightened risks involved, but risks don't equate to actual issues. I know plenty of preemies and low birth weight babies who grew up without any problems. My cousin was 3lbs and born months premature in the 1970s and had no issues whatsoever. I can think of a handful of preemies (my friends kids) who didn't have issues either. It's fine for preemie parents to worry...but it isn't fine for them to think innocent comments are thinly veiled attacks.

[Anonymous]

My daughter was born 3 days late and was normal birth weight. She was called tiny all the time, if only I had know it was one more thing to get all crazy-ass bitchy about.

Tiny is bad, someone should tell the fashion industry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I understand there are heightened risks involved, but risks don't equate to actual issues. I know plenty of preemies and low birth weight babies who grew up without any problems. My cousin was 3lbs and born months premature in the 1970s and had no issues whatsoever. I can think of a handful of preemies (my friends kids) who didn't have issues either. It's fine for preemie parents to worry...but it isn't fine for them to think innocent comments are thinly veiled attacks.

Don't take away her drama, she is living for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^ piss off. Unless your kid was in the nicu and has monthly checks with the state, what do you know about it? Just because you have decided its not a big deal doesn't mean it isn't. Prematurity poses major risks and just because a kid is in your view just fine after a couple of months doesn't mean he or she isn't going to suffer life long consequences from being born early. The impacts are well documented, do a quick google search. I'm just trying to broaden your horizons of what is and isn't special needs and disabled. Many preemie moms would love for you to have some inkling of what it's like.

Not all preemies are doomed to be special needs and/or disabled. Again, get a grip. The OP was wrong - she overreacted. It's possible her neighbors won't want anything to do with her after her nasty comment and I can't blame them. I wouldn't want myself - or my kid - around someone who so lacked perspective and would verbally attack another person's child because they made the oh-so-terrible mistake of referring to their small, 8-week old baby as tiny.

[Anonymous]

I am certainly not "living for the drama", in fact, I let comments like "oh my gosh! He was soooooo early! How crazy!!! I would die if that happened to me" go without a though every day. Many people just don't know what comes out of their mouths. I was merely pointing out to op that her hurt feelings were valid, not that she was justified in bashing the other kid. Also, how does the fact that one preemie someone knows discount a preemie mom's valid and legitimate fears for her kids future? I know lots of kids with autism who are doing ok now. Guess that means those worried moms of autistic kids are nuts. Nice try, but if you are unable to empathize, there is simply no way to help you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am certainly not "living for the drama", in fact, I let comments like "oh my gosh! He was soooooo early! How crazy!!! I would die if that happened to me" go without a though every day. Many people just don't know what comes out of their mouths. I was merely pointing out to op that her hurt feelings were valid, not that she was justified in bashing the other kid. Also, how does the fact that one preemie someone knows discount a preemie mom's valid and legitimate fears for her kids future? I know lots of kids with autism who are doing ok now. Guess that means those worried moms of autistic kids are nuts. Nice try, but if you are unable to empathize, there is simply no way to help you.

You need help. Seriously. Now you're comparing preemies to kids with autism (and by the way, kids with autism don't get "cured", as you seem to suggest). Her hurt feelings were not valid in this instance. Saying someone's baby is "tiny" is not the same as saying something like, "Wow, you're baby looks like it's barely surviving, it's so small. Are you feeding your baby?" Now that would be incredibly insensitive. Calling someone's baby eight-week old baby tiny is merely a statement of fact. The fact that OP lashed out at another person's child in response is indicative of her lack of perspective and immaturity, period.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am certainly not "living for the drama", in fact, I let comments like "oh my gosh! He was soooooo early! How crazy!!! I would die if that happened to me" go without a though every day. Many people just don't know what comes out of their mouths. I was merely pointing out to op that her hurt feelings were valid, not that she was justified in bashing the other kid. Also, how does the fact that one preemie someone knows discount a preemie mom's valid and legitimate fears for her kids future? I know lots of kids with autism who are doing ok now. Guess that means those worried moms of autistic kids are nuts. Nice try, but if you are unable to empathize, there is simply no way to help you.

How is this rude? It sounds like people are genuinely taken aback by your baby's ordeal and are expressing empathy at what you've endured.

[Anonymous]

Geez crazy lady...everyone empathizes and understands that op likely has valid fears. What many of us take issue with is people like YOU who seem to think the word tiny should never be uttered to a parent. Did you notice how I said we take issue with people like you? The op is less irritating to me than you are. Secondarily, I think most folks are in agreement that the op is hyper sensitive and made a mean remark.

[Anonymous]

OP, you know what, it doesn't matter whether your hurt feelings were vaild or not valid. Even if your neighbor was insensitive, how does it help for you to say mean things about her kid (thinking you were doing so behind her back)? You guys have to live near one another, and while you don't have to be BFFs, it would be best for everyone to get along. Leave the incident behind you, don't mention it, and be plesant when you see her in the future.

[Anonymous]

Wait-- 8 week-old babies aren't tiny? Wouldn't anyone whose kids are a bit older find them tiny? Isn't that a normal sentiment to express while admiring a pretty new (and thus at least relatively tiny) baby?

I understand that this is a touchy subject for OP, and unfortunately I've had my own issues with post-traumatic anxieties following my child's health problems. But the neighbor's comment doesn't sound like any negative judgement was intended.

Best not to criticize others' kids until you're confident of absolute privacy. That's a good lesson for new parents to learn.

[Anonymous]

Actually, the best lesson for new parents to learn is to never criticize a child. Period. Because one day your kid will say or do something crazy/embarrassing/mean/violent and you likely wouldn't want any adult to criticize your kid. And while I say "one day" I really mean "all the time." Parenting isn't a competitive sport, and adults shouldn't say mean things about kids.

[Anonymous]

The whole point of this thread was that OP knew she messed up and was asking people how they thought she should handle it. She stated very clearly she knew she overreacted and her own issues caused her to make a kind of cruddy remark that she wished she hadn't made.

What in the world is wrong with most of you? Why, why, why, are you piling on when we're talking about a mom who had a baby with signfiicant challenges just EIGHT WEEKS AGO? Why are you piling on when all of the preemie moms who have commented (that includes me) have talked about how distraught they are/were over what they've been through and, more accurately, what their children went through and will go through? No one is asking for carte blanche to say nasty things to anyone who calls a baby tiny, no one is asking that people never, ever call a baby tiny. We're just trying to ask you to understand, in a small way, what it is like on the other side of this. And if you know a mom who struggles with this, keep it in mind.

Yet you're calling us weirdos, telling us to get a grip, and suggesting we get back on our meds? Some of you need a lesson in compassion, to put it mildly.

[Anonymous]

Hypersensitive PP is crazy. I think she may have been a tiny infant.

[Anonymous]

Mom with two 10lb-ers here. I understand why OP is sensitive to the comments made by the neighbor, but this is getting a little out of hand. EVEN IF the neighbor knew the baby was a preemie it's a pretty common comment to make about any newborn - "soooo tiny" (usually meaning sooooo cute). If you've never had a preemie than I don't think it crosses your mind that this is still a concern once the baby is home from the hospital and going on outings with mom and dad.

My kids never wore newborn clothes and even the nurses made comments about having to go to peds to get larger diapers and tees after each of mine were born. Well, with the second I learned my lesson and brought my own diapers and clothes from the get go. I might have been a little sensitive when EVERYBODY commented on how BIG my kids were, how HUGE they were for newborns, how they didn't even LOOK like a newborn......it goes on and on. BUT, I knew that these were my concerns and issues and that everyone else was just making comments based on what they saw in my kids. As they got older, still following the 98-99 percentile for height and weight for a few years the comments kept coming. I knew I was feeding my kids healthy and the ped said they were healthy and just fine. Both are still quite tall at 7 and 4 but they have slimmed down and don't look like monster-sized kids any more!!

One positive that OP might see later on is that people will think her kid is really smart and mature as he gets older since he is smaller for his age. On the flip side, I found myself on the other end of very nasty stares and actual comments from people about my child's behavior and communication when they were developmentally on track but looked MUCH older than they really were. I felt the need to respond with (while smiling).....typical 12m, 18m or 2yo behavior I guess! To which I usually got a response of - wow, I didn't know they were that young. They look so much older!

OP - don't sweat your comments and just know that we are all secretly concerned about something with our kids and other aren't always aware of what these concerns are so let the comments roll off your back. Even for those who make snide comments, let it roll off your back because it's not worth it be upset by it.

Good luck with your new baby and enjoy!