Awkward – neighbors overheard me talk about their DC

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, OP, you're internalizing.

For those of us with toddlers, we miss the 'tiny' infant days when we could hold them in one arm, snuggle them, etc. It has nothing to do with the health of your child. I mean if you were 5'0 and people said 'wow you're short!' or a saleswoman pointed you towards the petite section, would you get all huffy?

I myself am one of those people who says 'awww how tiny' because i can't bring myself to call newborns cute. I think they aren't cute at all - RARELY there will be one that doesn't look like a pug but otherwise, I feel like I have to say something, and size is something that is pretty innocuous (or so I thought).

So you might consider 'tiny' an insult, but there are far worse things you could say. Like 'when do you think x's hair will grow in?' or 'look at those old man wrinkly hands!' or 'haha she's got like 3 chins!'.

You would not consider this rude?

[Anonymous]

Reminds me of my SIL who cried and cried because my sister asked her, "Does your (2 yo) DD wear size 3 diapers?" SIL told me she felt that comment meant that Sister thought SIL didn't take good care of her child, that she didn't feed her nutritious meals, because size 3 diapers were really small.

No matter how I suggested that SIL was overreacting, she still felt that my sister was attacking her parenting skills with that comment.

Some people are really sensitive!

[Anonymous]

Note to self: Don't call small newborn babies tiny as over sensitive mothers will freak out and get nasty with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think YOU over reacted as your feelings were hurt.
I assure you that your neighbor meant nothing ugly or mean when she commented on how small your DS was.

let that be a lesson. I would leave it alone...

+1

[Anonymous]

OP, even if your child were not a premie, people would still comment on how tiny he is. It's a newborn thing. Try not to overthink it too much. I bet, in just a year or so you will look back at his infant pictures and think, "aw, he was so tiny back then!!"

[Anonymous]

OP, is your child a newborn? Because people are assuming he is, but I did not necessarily think so from your post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd let it go.

I completely get the tiny comment being hurtful.

I had preemie twins (now 5). One of my first friends to see them, was like "Oh wow, they are so small. I don't know anything about small babies! Mine were so big!"

It doesn't hurt my feelings at all now, but I do think about that when I see her sometimes. I chalk it up to bad social skills on her part (she does however have tons of friends!)

I'd chalk it up to oversensitivity on your (and the OP's) part.

Yeah, I have to agree. I would probably say tiny too and it is not because I'm socially backwards socially nor think it would be perceived as insulting. How else would you describe a very small baby? Since when is using an accurate descriptive word wrong? What is wrong is what you said about their child.

You really need to get over yourself and the size of your baby.

[Anonymous]

OP and PPs, it is NOT "hurtful" or "clueless" to call a 9lb infant tiny. It is an objective fact. If you're sensitive about it, that's on you, and you probably better deal with it, because so long as you're holding an infant in your arms, someone is going to use the word tiny, and 99 percent of the time they will intend it to mean "wow, a very new baby, how amazing." If they said things like, gee are you feeding him enough? that would be hurtful. But otherwise, you are just projecting.

Conversely, it's hard to imagine that calling a 18m old "ridiculous" because of his/her size can be interpreted in any manner other than derisive. Not outrageous, but obviously a bit mocking and critical. So OP, don't try to whitewash the fact that you - not your neighbors - screwed up here by telling us that you didn't mean anything by it. Accept responsibility and then move on, and try to find a healthier way to deal with your angst about your child's size and/or premie status than making sarcastic comments about other kids.

[Anonymous]

Having had very large kids, I wouldn't be offended by that comment. I always felt that their size made them more robust and able to weather an illness irinir injury, so a comment like that would have just made me laugh (happily).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP and PPs, it is NOT "hurtful" or "clueless" to call a 9lb infant tiny. It is an objective fact. If you're sensitive about it, that's on you, and you probably better deal with it, because so long as you're holding an infant in your arms, someone is going to use the word tiny, and 99 percent of the time they will intend it to mean "wow, a very new baby, how amazing." If they said things like, gee are you feeding him enough? that would be hurtful. But otherwise, you are just projecting.

Conversely, it's hard to imagine that calling a 18m old "ridiculous" because of his/her size can be interpreted in any manner other than derisive. Not outrageous, but obviously a bit mocking and critical. So OP, don't try to whitewash the fact that you - not your neighbors - screwed up here by telling us that you didn't mean anything by it. Accept responsibility and then move on, and try to find a healthier way to deal with your angst about your child's size and/or premie status than making sarcastic comments about other kids.

I think you are cherry-picking the facts.

Fact one: OP's baby was a preemie
Fact two: OP's baby was not a newborn
Fact three: The woman repeatedly said "I've never seen a baby this tiny"
Fact four: The woman repeatedly used the word tiny to describe OP's baby.

Now, this is just plain rude rude. Rude, rude, rude. It's not like she cooed "Ohhh, he's so precious, so tiny, so sweet!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd let it go.

I completely get the tiny comment being hurtful.

I had preemie twins (now 5). One of my first friends to see them, was like "Oh wow, they are so small. I don't know anything about small babies! Mine were so big!"

It doesn't hurt my feelings at all now, but I do think about that when I see her sometimes. I chalk it up to bad social skills on her part (she does however have tons of friends!)

I'd chalk it up to oversensitivity on your (and the OP's) part.

Yeah, I have to agree. I would probably say tiny too and it is not because I'm socially backwards socially nor think it would be perceived as insulting. How else would you describe a very small baby? Since when is using an accurate descriptive word wrong? What is wrong is what you said about their child.

You really need to get over yourself and the size of your baby.

I am the oversensitive PP. My children were about 6 pounds when referred to as small - so they were certainly small. We had had various health concerns; they had been out of the NICU for about 2 oe 3 days. I think it would have been nicer to say, "Wow, they are beautiful! They look so healthy! They look like their brother!" Things like that. I don't think I'm at all oversensitve in general.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I am the oversensitive PP. My children were about 6 pounds when referred to as small - so they were certainly small. We had had various health concerns; they had been out of the NICU for about 2 oe 3 days. I think it would have been nicer to say, "Wow, they are beautiful! They look so healthy! They look like their brother!" Things like that. I don't think I'm at all oversensitve in general.

But do you get how sometimes words are just words and people aren't saying things to be hurtful? Tiny is a description and there's no way around it, your babies were tiny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I am the oversensitive PP. My children were about 6 pounds when referred to as small - so they were certainly small. We had had various health concerns; they had been out of the NICU for about 2 oe 3 days. I think it would have been nicer to say, "Wow, they are beautiful! They look so healthy! They look like their brother!" Things like that. I don't think I'm at all oversensitve in general.

But do you get how sometimes words are just words and people aren't saying things to be hurtful? Tiny is a description and there's no way around it, your babies were tiny.

I completely get that, and I don't think she was trying to be hurtful at all.

But it is like the people who point out that someone else's 16 month old isn't walking, "Wow! Look your son is sitting there - my Bobby was all over the place at that age!"

I don't think many people TRY to be rude, but I don't think people should have an awareness of what comes out of their mouths.

We all fail at this sometimes, but some people just walk around with no awareness for others' feelings!

[Anonymous]

Having elementary-school giants now, I think of all babies as tiny, but I can see how in this case you'd take the comment personally.

For a point of reference, one of mine was 9 lbs at birth--so a smaller baby is sort of amazing to me, as I didn't get to see my own baby at that size. Both because my kids were biggish at birth and because they're huge now, I find infants a wonder.

However, your post is a good reminder for me not to call babies tiny, especially preemies. (Or, on the other side of the spectrum, tell parents how huge their chubby baby is.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP and PPs, it is NOT "hurtful" or "clueless" to call a 9lb infant tiny. It is an objective fact. If you're sensitive about it, that's on you, and you probably better deal with it, because so long as you're holding an infant in your arms, someone is going to use the word tiny, and 99 percent of the time they will intend it to mean "wow, a very new baby, how amazing." If they said things like, gee are you feeding him enough? that would be hurtful. But otherwise, you are just projecting.

Conversely, it's hard to imagine that calling a 18m old "ridiculous" because of his/her size can be interpreted in any manner other than derisive. Not outrageous, but obviously a bit mocking and critical. So OP, don't try to whitewash the fact that you - not your neighbors - screwed up here by telling us that you didn't mean anything by it. Accept responsibility and then move on, and try to find a healthier way to deal with your angst about your child's size and/or premie status than making sarcastic comments about other kids.

+1 Agreed. Your remarks were most definitely mean spirited and from what you said, her's were not said in a critical way. Hopefully she didn't hear you, I know I would feel hurt by hearing that my neighbor thought my child looked ridiculous.