Awkward – neighbors overheard me talk about their DC

[Anonymous]

DH and I pulled in the garage at the same time with our neighbors. We have an infant, they have an 18 month old. The guys have met before, but it’s the first time I met the woman and saw each other’s child. We gushed over them, and she kept saying that my DS is so tiny, and she’s never seen a baby this tiny, as hers was a big baby from the start.

As an aside, my DS was a preemie with IUGR, and it was annoying and hurtful to keep hearing how tiny he is. But now he’s 9 lbs.

A couple of minutes after getting into our condo, still by the door, I said “that kid was ridiculous, he looked like a 3 year old”. Unfortunate timing and choice of words, as I heard a noise outside; I opened the door and saw the neighbors had left DS’s sock on the little shelf outside our door.

Chances are they head me since they didn’t knock (although they’ve left a package on that shelf for us before, without knocking). I really didn’t mean to sound negative; I think the couple is really nice and their kid is cute. Is what I said as bad as it sounds replayed in my head? WWYD? Should I apologize?

[Anonymous]

Not a big deal, OP. Forget it. In the context of the comments being made about your child's size (which I fully empathize with), I'm sure it just came across as a joke and kind of a left-handed compliment.

Let it go. Don't stress.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't worry about honestly. It wasn't like you said it was ugly or something

[Anonymous]

Overthinking. No big deal. Really.

[Anonymous]

I think YOU over reacted as your feelings were hurt.
I assure you that your neighbor meant nothing ugly or mean when she commented on how small your DS was.

let that be a lesson. I would leave it alone...

[Anonymous]

I agree that this should be a lesson. You're a new mom, everything is a competition and anything that unconsciously strikes a nerve with your own insecurities is an affront. But your neighbor was marvelling at a new baby, and using the word tiny is not an insult. When you have an 18 month old, you too will find every newborn tiny, especially ones that are on the smaller side! Responding to the word tiny by insulting their child as "ridiculous" was unnecessary and unkind. Kids come in all shapes and sizes, and it's not a competition, which the parent of a small child should appreciate every bit as much as the parent of a large child.

[Anonymous]

I'd let it go.

I completely get the tiny comment being hurtful.

I had preemie twins (now 5). One of my first friends to see them, was like "Oh wow, they are so small. I don't know anything about small babies! Mine were so big!"

It doesn't hurt my feelings at all now, but I do think about that when I see her sometimes. I chalk it up to bad social skills on her part (she does however have tons of friends!)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd let it go.

I completely get the tiny comment being hurtful.

I had preemie twins (now 5). One of my first friends to see them, was like "Oh wow, they are so small. I don't know anything about small babies! Mine were so big!"

It doesn't hurt my feelings at all now, but I do think about that when I see her sometimes. I chalk it up to bad social skills on her part (she does however have tons of friends!)

I don't think everyone is as sensitive as you about their baby being small.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd let it go.

I completely get the tiny comment being hurtful.

I had preemie twins (now 5). One of my first friends to see them, was like "Oh wow, they are so small. I don't know anything about small babies! Mine were so big!"

It doesn't hurt my feelings at all now, but I do think about that when I see her sometimes. I chalk it up to bad social skills on her part (she does however have tons of friends!)

I don't think everyone is as sensitive as you about their baby being small.

Yeah, agree with comments that OP should let it go. But can't figure why you'd get your feelings hurt because people note that your baby is small. Tiny isn't an insult. And while your child's size is a reflection of their medical condition, it's not a statement of your parenting. Think you need to thicken your skin. People are going to actually insult your kid at some point in their lives. Get a grip.

[Anonymous]

Infants look small to parents of toddlers. You're overthinking.

[Anonymous]

The people who don't get why harping on a baby's tininess is not a good idea just are clueless. When you have a baby who is a preemie or has growth issues, it's not a neutral subject. It's just not nice. It's not like saying "Oh how cute." It's just not.

[Anonymous]

And OP said this is a baby who weighs nine pounds. Not tiny anyway compared to an 18 pound infant. Some people are classless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And OP said this is a baby who weighs nine pounds. Not tiny anyway compared to an 18 pound infant. Some people are classless.

But tiny compared to an 18-month-old, as in the original post.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, OP, you're internalizing.

For those of us with toddlers, we miss the 'tiny' infant days when we could hold them in one arm, snuggle them, etc. It has nothing to do with the health of your child. I mean if you were 5'0 and people said 'wow you're short!' or a saleswoman pointed you towards the petite section, would you get all huffy?

I myself am one of those people who says 'awww how tiny' because i can't bring myself to call newborns cute. I think they aren't cute at all - RARELY there will be one that doesn't look like a pug but otherwise, I feel like I have to say something, and size is something that is pretty innocuous (or so I thought).

So you might consider 'tiny' an insult, but there are far worse things you could say. Like 'when do you think x's hair will grow in?' or 'look at those old man wrinkly hands!' or 'haha she's got like 3 chins!'.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd let it go.

I completely get the tiny comment being hurtful.

I had preemie twins (now 5). One of my first friends to see them, was like "Oh wow, they are so small. I don't know anything about small babies! Mine were so big!"

It doesn't hurt my feelings at all now, but I do think about that when I see her sometimes. I chalk it up to bad social skills on her part (she does however have tons of friends!)

I'd chalk it up to oversensitivity on your (and the OP's) part.