Friends don't want to pay for beach house, and think it was my fault?

[Anonymous]

I think you should tell her that you guys cannot swing the whole amount, and that you need to invite someone who can chip in. If they are at all being honest about it being a misunderstanding, they will offer you some money. At least 1k. If they don't, tell them you are sorry, but you have to replace them with someone that can chip in.

[Anonymous]

It may have been a misunderstanding OP. From the beginning did you make it clear that you wanted to split the cost of a beach house with them? If you had just invited them they may have been confused.

[Anonymous]

OP, you seem to have a very good grasp on it. I agree something is off here just by the brief descriptions. And if your DHs don't get along stellar (um, asshole DH was also my first thought) I'd really really say you found someone else to cover the cost whether or not you did. Don't vacation with them. It just doesn't sound fun for this year.

[Anonymous]

It may have been a misunderstanding OP. From the beginning did you make it clear that you wanted to split the cost of a beach house with them? If you had just invited them they may have been confused.

Please read the whole thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The message would be clear to a thoughtful and perceptive reader... but alas many friends do not fall into that category. Best to spell it out - maybe use pictures.

Haha, so true. I don't see how anyone could read that and come away with the conclusion that they were being invited as guests. At the very least, it should have triggered an inquiry from the friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP,
What you have posted is not clear. Did you send another email with the exact amount and not hear back? Did you at any point clearly state, let's split the cost of the rental? You offered to cover insurance and the balance, perhaps they thought the balance was everything and all you expected them to pay was extra for renting incidentals? It is definitely not clear, I can see how a quick read would lead your friends to think it was an invite with a request to chip in for some but not half. Yikes!

The email is very clear. You have to be pretty dense not to understand the meaning of that email along with an attached lease to review.

I agree. The OP mentioned in one of her posts that they had done arrangements like this in the past. And even if they hadn't, it is pretty clear that the OP was trying to be gracious in her approach. If it was me, I would have appreciated the way she handled it. Clearly, she wan't to emphasize the vacation, and not the money. And I would have understood that we were responsible for half of the house, and possibly a great hostess gift for the time she invested.

[Anonymous]

my thoughts.

1. Yes, they seem dumb. But I can totally see where they would have assumed you were inviting them. Who reads attachments to emails?

2. And of course treat them. You are already out the money, the house is huge, have a good time. YOUR husband is the dickhead if he cannot be a gracious host.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:my thoughts.

1. Yes, they seem dumb. But I can totally see where they would have assumed you were inviting them. Who reads attachments to emails?

2. And of course treat them. You are already out the money, the house is huge, have a good time. YOUR husband is the dickhead if he cannot be a gracious host.

OK, really?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

It may have been a misunderstanding OP. From the beginning did you make it clear that you wanted to split the cost of a beach house with them? If you had just invited them they may have been confused.

Please read the whole thread.

I did. To me the email was not completely clear and I can see how it may have caused a misunderstanding. It would have been much clearer if she had said "hey we are looking to split the cost of a beach house. Are you interested? Here's option A for a total cost of $____ which makes your share about $_____. If you want sheets, etc it costs extra. I've attached the lease and if you are interested I'll go ahead and pay the balance to reserve it and you can pay your half by ______."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:my thoughts.

1. Yes, they seem dumb. But I can totally see where they would have assumed you were inviting them. Who reads attachments to emails?

2. And of course treat them. You are already out the money, the house is huge, have a good time. YOUR husband is the dickhead if he cannot be a gracious host.

I'm glad we're not friends. You've got to be kidding me here?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:my thoughts.

1. Yes, they seem dumb. But I can totally see where they would have assumed you were inviting them. Who reads attachments to emails?

2. And of course treat them. You are already out the money, the house is huge, have a good time. YOUR husband is the dickhead if he cannot be a gracious host.

have you followed this thread? op and her husband seem really cool, and having the others join would be a huge downer for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

It may have been a misunderstanding OP. From the beginning did you make it clear that you wanted to split the cost of a beach house with them? If you had just invited them they may have been confused.

Please read the whole thread.

I did. To me the email was not completely clear and I can see how it may have caused a misunderstanding. It would have been much clearer if she had said "hey we are looking to split the cost of a beach house. Are you interested? Here's option A for a total cost of $____ which makes your share about $_____. If you want sheets, etc it costs extra. I've attached the lease and if you are interested I'll go ahead and pay the balance to reserve it and you can pay your half by ______."

sigh. OP even said this is exactly the kind of way they handled these things in grad school. IF there was any confusion, then her friend should have replied back ASKING for clarification. Because otherwise it completely reads that they were sharing this cost.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:my thoughts.

1. Yes, they seem dumb. But I can totally see where they would have assumed you were inviting them. Who reads attachments to emails?

2. And of course treat them. You are already out the money, the house is huge, have a good time. YOUR husband is the dickhead if he cannot be a gracious host.

have you followed this thread? op and her husband seem really cool, and having the others join would be a huge downer for them.

And it's not often we like an OPer here on dcum. But I totally agree. OP, I'll come with you and share the cost!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

It may have been a misunderstanding OP. From the beginning did you make it clear that you wanted to split the cost of a beach house with them? If you had just invited them they may have been confused.

Please read the whole thread.

I did. To me the email was not completely clear and I can see how it may have caused a misunderstanding. It would have been much clearer if she had said "hey we are looking to split the cost of a beach house. Are you interested? Here's option A for a total cost of $____ which makes your share about $_____. If you want sheets, etc it costs extra. I've attached the lease and if you are interested I'll go ahead and pay the balance to reserve it and you can pay your half by ______."

exactly. how these two families get through life is beyond me. I found the email incredibly confusing.

[Anonymous]

2. And of course treat them. You are already out the money, the house is huge, have a good time. YOUR husband is the dickhead if he cannot be a gracious host.

Given the posture of the situation, I think it is very unlikely that most people would be able to have a good time. I think it will be awkward, regardless of whose fault it is, and it is the best thing to politely tell them that it will not work for you to treat them, and that you will be going with your parents instead.