Friends don't want to pay for beach house, and think it was my fault?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

It may have been a misunderstanding OP. From the beginning did you make it clear that you wanted to split the cost of a beach house with them? If you had just invited them they may have been confused.

Please read the whole thread.

I did. To me the email was not completely clear and I can see how it may have caused a misunderstanding. It would have been much clearer if she had said "hey we are looking to split the cost of a beach house. Are you interested? Here's option A for a total cost of $____ which makes your share about $_____. If you want sheets, etc it costs extra. I've attached the lease and if you are interested I'll go ahead and pay the balance to reserve it and you can pay your half by ______."

exactly. how these two families get through life is beyond me. I found the email incredibly confusing.

I don't see how you get through life! I've never shared a rental with anyone, but even to me, it was extremely clear that it was a share and not a gift. Who would offer to pay for a whole vacation, but make you pay for sheets and then randomly tell you they were also paying for the insurance?

You would have to be an idiot to assume that OP was paying for everything.

[Anonymous]

If I had misunderstood (and I wouldn't have, because OP's emails were pretty darn clear), the misunderstanding would have been cleared up pretty much immediately because I would have e-mailed AND phoned to say, "OP, thank you so, so much for treating us - this means a lot to us. Are you sure you don't want us to pitch in."

Frankly, if I had intended to treat and didn't get so much as a thank you in the following FIVE MONTHS I would have rescinded the invitation. I mean, really.

All of you people who think OP's email was not clear should stop and think of how many times they have inadvertently fleeced someone.

[Anonymous]

If I had misunderstood (and I wouldn't have, because OP's emails were pretty darn clear), the misunderstanding would have been cleared up pretty much immediately because I would have e-mailed AND phoned to say, "OP, thank you so, so much for treating us - this means a lot to us. Are you sure you don't want us to pitch in."

Frankly, if I had intended to treat and didn't get so much as a thank you in the following FIVE MONTHS I would have rescinded the invitation. I mean, really.

All of you people who think OP's email was not clear should stop and think of how many times they have inadvertently fleeced someone.

[Anonymous]

Everyyear I rent a beach house and invite my brother--have to say I am clear that this is a present and that he is not responsible for splitting it. In our case, our incomes are really different and we are happy to do this. I do give information about rental stuff (sheets, beach toys, strollers)because that is something he can take care of and he also buys the food for the house and we are all happy. Your friend should know that unless someone expressly says "this is a gift"--you should be paying. Probably the big mistake (unless I missed as there are a lot of emails) is that this was handled through email not a call where you would say..hey to make things easier, I am going to write the check and then you can just pay me your portion. I disagree that the "settle up" comment could be misconstrued..no..but it could be used as a tool for manipulation. I know you may not like to hear this but..I would not have her come on this trip. Not to be mean or punitive but your husband is uncomfortable..justly so..and it isn't fair for him to deal with this on his vacation because you want to help your friend. No..big picture..he is more important. This doesn't mean WWII--I would say..you feel bad there was a misunderstanding and you guys can plan a weekend later but this whole thing is so awkward that it is just better to let it lie and laugh about it later.

[Anonymous]

Sorry - haven't read the entire thread but I agree with PP - even if it wasn't clear - I would still offer to pay my family's share of the rental. Who wouldn't? Cheap, rude people.

[Anonymous]

It would have been a red flag to me if the friend asked to "move forward" on the rental without knowing her share of the cost up front. I know you sent the lease, but wasn't that after you signed it? In any case, if I was in your friend's place, I'd be too mortified to admit I thought you were paying everything. I would scrounge together the money. If I really couldn't afford it, I would not go. I'd hope and pray you could find another family who actually could pay a share of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry - haven't read the entire thread but I agree with PP - even if it wasn't clear - I would still offer to pay my family's share of the rental. Who wouldn't? Cheap, rude people.

Someone who just got blindsided with a few thousand dollars they can't afford while overwhelmed with a death in the family and the diagnosis of their child?

Read the thread. The OP's friend was overwhelmed and feels terrible for misunderstanding. I can't believe people would disown their friends over something like that. It happens - move on. Come up with an alternative or reschedule. Don't jump to "they must be trying to steal my money" - that's paranoia.

[Anonymous]

It would have been a red flag to me if the friend asked to "move forward" on the rental without knowing her share of the cost up front. I know you sent the lease, but wasn't that after you signed it?

PP sent a choice of houses FIRST, asked if those worked in terms of location, other stuff, and COST. That was what the "move forward" reply was to. The lease was sent in a later email.

[Anonymous]

I read the entire thread, and honestly I can see how OP's friend misunderstood- OP did explain it, but there have certainly been times where I've read emails quickly and missed important details when they weren't clearly spelled out.

I guess the weird thing from my perspective is how the friend handled it. If I were in her position, I would have probably never let OP know that I didn't intend to pay in the first place and would have immediately asked how much to write the check for when I recieved that follow up phone call. If I truly did not have access to the money, I would explain that I had misunderstood, apologize PROFUSELY, and work out some kind of payment plan to pay OP back. I would be so horrified/humiliated that I would probably also skip the trip, but I'd make sure she got her money anyway. I mean, even if I had to eat PB sandwiches for dinner for six months, I'd make sure she got her money.

I am the kind of person who beats myself up when I mess up the time for a doctor's appointment.. I would just die if something like this happened.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry but Melissa has be included in the "Rude Hoars of New Jersey: DCUM Edition" I'm the executive producer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry but Melissa has be included in the "Rude Hoars of New Jersey: DCUM Edition" I'm the executive producer.

Yes!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Um flower girl woman, you sound nuts and the situations aren't the same.

Really? Its's about people assuming you're going to pay for something very expensive just to glorify themselves. The situation is somewhat similar. I'll grant you not exactly. And hijack , too. But still.

You probably side with the NJ hoar.

[Anonymous]

I just threw up a little bit of corn in my mouth.

[Anonymous]

No I am 100% team OP . But being asked to participate in a wedding usually means you buy your attire.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow! 11 pages. This thread really touched a nerve.

OP, I am really glad that your friend is not going with you. I don't think it would have worked well. Your DH probably would have been pissed. A similar thing happened to me and a family member. We agreed to a shared ski vacation. I made the arrangements, booked the house and paid for it. Three weeks before the trip the relative called to say she changed her mind and did not want to spend the money on the trip. I had already paid for the rental and insurance did not cover canceling for no real reason so I was stuck paying for it regardless. I told relative to come anyway and she did. My husband was very resentful.

To this day this relative warns family members not to take anything from me because there will be strings attached. She is kind of right. I only offered to have her come after she backed out of paying because I had to pay anyway. I felt used. And yes I think she feels entitled to use people. I have been too generous with this relative and she is unappreciative.

Wow. I'll second your take on your cousin, she does sound like someone who feels entitled to use people. Hope you put an end to her using you no matter what she's telling other people. They'll figure out what's going on eventually, after she's used them one or two times, too.