Friends don't want to pay for beach house, and think it was my fault?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:my thoughts.

1. Yes, they seem dumb. But I can totally see where they would have assumed you were inviting them. Who reads attachments to emails?

2. And of course treat them. You are already out the money, the house is huge, have a good time. YOUR husband is the dickhead if he cannot be a gracious host.

have you followed this thread? op and her husband seem really cool, and having the others join would be a huge downer for them.

OP and her husband seem a bit selfish to me. Everyone cannot afford $6K OBX houses for a week, clearly her friend cannot. Why not be a gracious host and have a good time assuming they truly are friends? It was their fault starting the confusion. The friends are blameless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

2. And of course treat them. You are already out the money, the house is huge, have a good time. YOUR husband is the dickhead if he cannot be a gracious host.

Given the posture of the situation, I think it is very unlikely that most people would be able to have a good time. I think it will be awkward, regardless of whose fault it is, and it is the best thing to politely tell them that it will not work for you to treat them, and that you will be going with your parents instead.

So you UNIVITE someone after they planned a vacation? That is good manners???? Where do you people come from?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

It may have been a misunderstanding OP. From the beginning did you make it clear that you wanted to split the cost of a beach house with them? If you had just invited them they may have been confused.

Please read the whole thread.

I did. To me the email was not completely clear and I can see how it may have caused a misunderstanding. It would have been much clearer if she had said "hey we are looking to split the cost of a beach house. Are you interested? Here's option A for a total cost of $____ which makes your share about $_____. If you want sheets, etc it costs extra. I've attached the lease and if you are interested I'll go ahead and pay the balance to reserve it and you can pay your half by ______."

Okay. Here is my read. I agree with the PP who mentioned that the OP approached the situation by trying to emphasis the vacation and time spent together, while mentioning cost at the end. It is a graceful, old school way of doing things. Breaking down costs seems tacky to some.

And although I would have been clear about her communications, perhaps her friend was accustomed to something different, i.e. an itemized list of what was due and when.

I am not saying one way is better than the other. But I am in the OP's camp, because that is how I would have handled it.

[Anonymous]

This statement from your friend sounds very, very, VERY manipulative to me:

"You guys are making lots of money now, I just thought you were inviting us to join you on a vacation you would have done with or without us."

She was not assuming anything. She was guilt tripping you and manipulating you into to paying for the whole thing. It definitely sounds like the friend does not have the money or doesn't want to spend the money on this vacation BUT there is no mistaking the fact that she is being incredibly manipulative. This part of the whole situation would piss me off the most. I would definitely not go on vacation with these people. It's going to be a disaster anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:my thoughts.

1. Yes, they seem dumb. But I can totally see where they would have assumed you were inviting them. Who reads attachments to emails?
2. And of course treat them. You are already out the money, the house is huge, have a good time. YOUR husband is the dickhead if he cannot be a gracious host.

1. Everyone I know reads the attachments. Do you work out of the home? Reading attachments is vital to any correspondance.

2. Why would the husband, who is footing the bill be considered the dickhead? He has every right to be irritated with the situation!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This statement from your friend sounds very, very, VERY manipulative to me:

"You guys are making lots of money now, I just thought you were inviting us to join you on a vacation you would have done with or without us."

She was not assuming anything. She was guilt tripping you and manipulating you into to paying for the whole thing. It definitely sounds like the friend does not have the money or doesn't want to spend the money on this vacation BUT there is no mistaking the fact that she is being incredibly manipulative. This part of the whole situation would piss me off the most. I would definitely not go on vacation with these people. It's going to be a disaster anyway.

no it does not. If the OP and her husband ARE making a lot of money these days AND the guest DID mistakenly but honestly ASSUME they were guests, then what should she say now? The cat is out of the bag and clearly they cannot afford to pay 50%. So what would you do? It is crying our spilled milk. Enjoy the week and stop being so petty.

[Anonymous]

I am in the camp that the email was clear--why would you detail costs and discuss "settling up" if you were treating someone? (How tacky would that be if it were a treat?).

Secondly, the OP sent the cost the next week--even if the invited couple thought that they were being treated, the follow up email the next week telling them how much they OWE should have been the trigger for a conversation--FIVE months ago, not the week before. The fact that they ignored the email--neither paying nor inquiring about the financial arrangements--is telling.

Finally--even IF the initial email was unclear, which some people think it was--it would have at least been equally unclear to the friend who should have asked, at the time, about the nature of the invitation. To ASSUME that your friends are taking you on vacation--with that kind of email-- is nuts.

I think the friend knew all along that they were expected to pay, but didn't, and knew that OP would be stuck with the rental no matter what. I think OP has a bigger heart than I do, since I'd feel deliberately burned by so-called "friends." Especially ones who feel that because their friends make more money, they should pay for their vacations. Most of our friends make more money that we do, we would feel incredibly uncomfortable if one of them tried to pay our way, however.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Finally--even IF the initial email was unclear, which some people think it was--it would have at least been equally unclear to the friend who should have asked, at the time, about the nature of the invitation. To ASSUME that your friends are taking you on vacation--with that kind of email-- is nuts.

I think the friend knew all along that they were expected to pay, but didn't, and knew that OP would be stuck with the rental no matter what. I think OP has a bigger heart than I do, since I'd feel deliberately burned by so-called "friends." Especially ones who feel that because their friends make more money, they should pay for their vacations. Most of our friends make more money that we do, we would feel incredibly uncomfortable if one of them tried to pay our way, however.

Same here AND I would never make a comment about how much money they were making just to get them to pay my way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This statement from your friend sounds very, very, VERY manipulative to me:

"You guys are making lots of money now, I just thought you were inviting us to join you on a vacation you would have done with or without us."

She was not assuming anything. She was guilt tripping you and manipulating you into to paying for the whole thing. It definitely sounds like the friend does not have the money or doesn't want to spend the money on this vacation BUT there is no mistaking the fact that she is being incredibly manipulative. This part of the whole situation would piss me off the most. I would definitely not go on vacation with these people. It's going to be a disaster anyway.

no it does not. If the OP and her husband ARE making a lot of money these days AND the guest DID mistakenly but honestly ASSUME they were guests, then what should she say now? The cat is out of the bag and clearly they cannot afford to pay 50%. So what would you do? It is crying our spilled milk. Enjoy the week and stop being so petty.

The OP sent a follow up email with the cost that her friend chose to IGNORE. If there was a misunderstanding, why didn't she speak up then? Instead, she waits for the OP to call a few days before the vacation and gives the whole, "Oh but you're so wealthy we thought you were treating us" line. Barf.

I agree that there was no "misunderstanding"... the friends are jerks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:my thoughts.

1. Yes, they seem dumb. But I can totally see where they would have assumed you were inviting them. Who reads attachments to emails?

2. And of course treat them. You are already out the money, the house is huge, have a good time. YOUR husband is the dickhead if he cannot be a gracious host.

OMG.

FYI, your coworkers all hate you.

[Anonymous]

I wonder is OP thought this thread would be at 8 pgs in 6 hrs.

Also, I'm Team OP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

It may have been a misunderstanding OP. From the beginning did you make it clear that you wanted to split the cost of a beach house with them? If you had just invited them they may have been confused.

Please read the whole thread.

I did. To me the email was not completely clear and I can see how it may have caused a misunderstanding. It would have been much clearer if she had said "hey we are looking to split the cost of a beach house. Are you interested? Here's option A for a total cost of $____ which makes your share about $_____. If you want sheets, etc it costs extra. I've attached the lease and if you are interested I'll go ahead and pay the balance to reserve it and you can pay your half by ______."

Okay. Here is my read. I agree with the PP who mentioned that the OP approached the situation by trying to emphasis the vacation and time spent together, while mentioning cost at the end. It is a graceful, old school way of doing things. Breaking down costs seems tacky to some.

And although I would have been clear about her communications, perhaps her friend was accustomed to something different, i.e. an itemized list of what was due and when.

I am not saying one way is better than the other. But I am in the OP's camp, because that is how I would have handled it.

PP here. This is one issue with emails - when read quickly and when typed carelessly it can cause misunderstandings. When I read it I could see how it could be misunderstood, especially if read quickly.

I don't agree with those jumping onto the "the friend must be manipulating you" bandwagon. Misunderstandings happen. If I were the OP I'd apologize for any misunderstanding and discuss options from there. I don't think she should be ruining a friendship over a potential misunderstanding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Finally--even IF the initial email was unclear, which some people think it was--it would have at least been equally unclear to the friend who should have asked, at the time, about the nature of the invitation. To ASSUME that your friends are taking you on vacation--with that kind of email-- is nuts.

I think the friend knew all along that they were expected to pay, but didn't, and knew that OP would be stuck with the rental no matter what. I think OP has a bigger heart than I do, since I'd feel deliberately burned by so-called "friends." Especially ones who feel that because their friends make more money, they should pay for their vacations. Most of our friends make more money that we do, we would feel incredibly uncomfortable if one of them tried to pay our way, however.

Same here AND I would never make a comment about how much money they were making just to get them to pay my way.

Agreed. That comment about OP's family making more money now is horrible and speaks volumes about both the friend and the future of the friendship.

I could deal with an email misunderstanding but not that kind of comment and the assumption/manipulation about being treated to an expensive vacation. Sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:my thoughts.

1. Yes, they seem dumb. But I can totally see where they would have assumed you were inviting them. Who reads attachments to emails?

2. And of course treat them. You are already out the money, the house is huge, have a good time. YOUR husband is the dickhead if he cannot be a gracious host.

OMG.

FYI, your coworkers all hate you.

I am late to this party, and admittedly have not read the whole thread. But the OP seems sane and kind. The other party appear to be nuts. I did read the correspondence she sent to her friend. Crystal clear to me. I agree she was trying to be gracious and her friends are being assholes.

[Anonymous]

Team OP. NP here. Not inclined to read all the posts. OP, if they gave you ANY idea that they EXPECT you to pay because they THINK you make more money, leave their sorry asses at home. Your money is NONE of their business. You have my permission to misunderstand their asses such that they stay home. They are in very, very poor taste. With friends like these? Really. Enjoy your vacation, by definition with your adult family, and no fair weather friends.