Friends don't want to pay for beach house, and think it was my fault?

[Anonymous]

Five months ago, we asked friends who live in New Jersey if they wanted to rent a house with us in OBX next week. They were excited, said yes, so I sent them the link of a house we liked. Emailed, and asked them to see if it worked, in terms of accomodations, location, and cost. They wrote back, and said, "Yes! Move forward."

So we did. I paid the lease for the house, and sent them a note about their portion. Received nothing back.

We are all set to go, and my husband requested that I remind them once more about their portion. I gave my friend a call, and she was upset. Assumed we had invited them, not asking that they contribute. They don't plan on going if they have to pay.

I am VERY sure there could not have been confusion or miscommunication. But maybe? These are good friends.

It's a mess. An expensive mess for us.

[Anonymous]

OP again. Forgot the most important part of my post. How would you handle this? I am tempted just to pay for it, and try not to be resentful. But imagine that it will be a strained week. We are going to be together September 3-10.

[Anonymous]

You really have to just pay for it and hope that they reconsider and pay their share. Otherwise, let it go. A good friendship shouldn't die over money.

[Anonymous]

Do you have the original emails so we can see how you worded it? I can't imagine how they would misunderstand an email that you put "cost" into --

Feel for you, OP. That stinks.

[Anonymous]

I am trying very hard to think of a way that this could have been a mis-communication and have come up with nothing. I cannot possibly believe that your friends believe this after you asked them to rent the house with you. If the intention was a free stay, you would have said "we rented this house and we want you to come and stay with us for a few days." That's what we did a few years back when we invited friends to a house we had rented ourselves. Is it possible that because of the hurricane, your friends no longer want to go and are trying to get out of it? I'd personally be majorly pissed if I rented a big house several months ago and now my friends were backing out 1 week in advance...

[Anonymous]

I guess if you didn't come right out and say that you would split the costs then there could be room for misunderstanding. It is very rare that I would assume if a friend invited me to a rented house that I wouldn't provide something. I would first inquire about the rental fees and then I would cover the food while there. We have done beach rentals before with friends and they paid part if they stayed the whole week. If they just came for a night or two we asked them to cook a meal. Or if we had the bigger portion of the rental because we were the larger family I wouldn't expect them to pay half but would expect some help toward the cost. Personally I would decide how important your relationship with them is - if you want to keep it find a compromise, if not don't have them come.

[Anonymous]

That stinks. I would reread and see if there could have been a miscommunication. If so, I think you should suck it up and pay and try not to be bitter about it. If they are good friends, you shouldn't let this end it. If there is no way that that it could be a miscommunication, then I might reconsider how good of friends you are.

[Anonymous]

OP, do you have other friends or family who could pay and take the place of your NJ friends? If so, then you might want to explain to the NJ friends that you're really sorry if there was a miscommunication but that you cannot afford to pay the whole cost of the rental, and give them the chance to either pay their share or happily give their place to someone else. I agree with the PP who asked about the exact wording of your e-mails, but unless you're rich, I can't imagine why friends of yours would think you were treating them to a week's stay in the OBX.

[Anonymous]

It would be helpful if we knew how you worded it. For future reference, it might be good to say something like: "we are thinking about renting a house in OBX for the week this summer. Would you be interested in going in on it with us?" Would be even clearer to say "splitting the cost."

Then BEFORE you pay, say, the rental downpayment or deposit or whatever is due next week - can you send us a check for X?

That way, no confusion. Sorry this happened.

[Anonymous]

OMG if I were your friends I'd just suck it up and pay for my share. That's though OP sorry!

[Anonymous]

Have you checked with the rental place? Your rental house may have damage or the road may be out?

[Anonymous]

I don't understand how they could send you an email telling you to "move forward" and not expect to pay. I agree they are behaving very strangely.

I agree with pp you should try to find other friends to go with if possible.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, to echo all the other PPs, it depends on the exact wording of your e-mail. Can you post it? I'm really curious . . .

[Anonymous]

OP again.

At the end of the email, I wrote this. . .

"Please review the attached lease. It includes the fees and phone number if you want to rent sheets or a highchair. I will go ahead and pay the balance just to ensure we reserve it. We are going to pay for insurance in case of bad weather, and we will cover that. We can settle up later. Really looking forward to having our families spend time together! It has been way too long since we had a proper visit together."

I can't imagine what wasn't clear about that.

[Anonymous]

Another vote for it depends on how things were worded.

We have had friends say they wanted to "take us out to dinner" as a thank you for something we did and at said dinner they offered to buy us a drink or desserts, but expected us to pay our way for everything else. (We did). A good friend from college asked me to be a bridesmaid years ago I had no idea that really meant I was supposed to spend over $1500 between the dress, shoes, throwing the bridal shower, gifts, travel, hotel, etc). It would have been nice if she spelled out the expectations and expenses instead of assuming I knew all that was entailed. From talking to her it sounded like all I needed was a dress and she would make sure she chose something off the rack (didn't happen that way...but I digress...)

If someone said "We are renting a beach house..do you want to join us?" I might think they were paying. If they asked to rent a beach house together with us and asked us what price range worked for us it would be clear.