18yo about to be let go from summer job because of phone use

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She ended up calling in and quitting. She was going to get fired anyway, and since she's someone hates conflict, quitting was what she chose to do. She has a hard time standing up for herself. That doesn't mean she's always doing what other people tell her to do, but she's never rude, hostile, or intentionally tries to hurt anyone's feelings even when she disagrees.

She's also not a spender. She saves all the money she earns and doesn't ask anyone for money. We pay her phone bill, but even if I turned it off, she'd just use Wi-Fi to call him through FaceTime audio or video. She also has apps she uses to call people that don't require cell service, so shutting off the phone wouldn't really change much.

I don't know what she's going to do this summer now. It's going to be harder to find a new job this late, especially because there are certain jobs she doesn't like. She hates being out in the sun and prefers indoor work. I’m also worried that this will become a pattern, and that she’ll just get fired again. I guess she'll have to figure something out.

When she's not working, she'll usually stay in bed until around 2 p.m. talking on the phone, then come downstairs, grab some strawberries or carrots and maybe a bag of chips, and spend most of the afternoon on the couch using her phone.

Her boyfriend works too, so they don't spend every waking minute together. In the evenings she usually sees him after work. Sometimes they go exercise or go to the gym together, and by the time they're done it's late like 11, so she'll shower at his house and stay the night. Some nights they'll go out to a party or hang out with friends, but that's not most nights. Other days, if they skip the gym, he'll come over for dinner and sometimes she wants him to spend the night. Or she'll go to his house and spend the day there. Sometimes she spends several days in a row there. She sleeps over there quite a bit and isn’t always just sitting at home.

She’ll have to now try to find other things to do though. OP

If you’re not a troll, and I really hope you are, I want you to know that you totally wasted my time in seeking advice. Your above message is ridiculous. You have not raised your kid well.

To be blunt you are raising a total loser. Stop saying "people pleaser" about someone who's directly disobeying their boss. She just DGAF and you're not giving her much reason to change OP.

o

+1000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t really get why everyone is fixating on the “people pleaser” thing. She doesn’t always follow directions or does what she’s told, but she also tends to let people take advantage of her and walk all over her. Being a people pleaser doesn’t mean she’s perfect or that she’s suddenly going to automatically respect workplace rules; she’s always in her phone.

If anyone has leads on jobs in the DC area that are still hiring, I’m open to ideas. I’d really prefer she’s out of the house—I’m just not a fan of her lying around on my couch. If she’s with her boyfriend, that’s fine.

I haven’t taken her phone away in years because it doesn’t really help and she doesn’t respond well to that kind of consequence. She’s 18 now, turning 19 soon, so I don’t really have leverage to control her choices anymore anyway.

Because you offered it up as an excuse/explanation, but it doesn't even make sense.

She does not have a pattern of approaching life in general as a "people pleaser," given what you've said. She apparently has specific people she wants to please, but it doesn't seem that she gives much of a damn about other people.

I'm not calling her a user -- I don't know her. But that pattern is more that of a user than a people pleaser. So offering it up as if it explains or excuses her behavior is pretty off the mark.

[Anonymous]

Oh wow. Good luck when she is failing out of college because she is constantly worried about BF.

[Anonymous]

You’re raising a big loser

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
If anyone has leads on jobs in the DC area that are still hiring, I’m open to ideas.

There are dozens in the area, but I can't imagine anyone wants to spend time on this just to have the suggestions picked apart. Can you clarify what would be considered and what would be off the table?

That is, are you going to reject outdoor work, or physical labor, or below a certain wage point, or at certain hours? I know it's up to her, but I don't want to go looking for you and then have you say anything but inside work at least $25 an hour for less than 20 hours a week would have been worth mentioning. Or something like that. Whatever.

[Anonymous]

People pleased still get in trouble guys.. it doesn’t mean they are perfect and follow all rules. My sister was one growing up and still is, and got suspended from school and fired from jobs multiple times. A lot of times it was due to small things and misunderstandings.

There’s many places hiring, or she can just relax because it’s the summer before college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh wow. Good luck when she is failing out of college because she is constantly worried about BF.

+1 is she going to answer these face time calls in the middle of class or when she's trying to study?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She says he’s mostly calling her, but I’d say it’s half and half. She is an extreme people pleaser and never says no to anyone. She doesn’t want to leave the phone at home. OP

You need to work on this now. I would be through the roof if my kid was being fired from a job for insubordination. She is refusing to listen to the manager. Why is this ok with you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t really get why everyone is fixating on the “people pleaser” thing. She doesn’t always follow directions or does what she’s told, but she also tends to let people take advantage of her and walk all over her. Being a people pleaser doesn’t mean she’s perfect or that she’s suddenly going to automatically respect workplace rules; she’s always in her phone.

If anyone has leads on jobs in the DC area that are still hiring, I’m open to ideas. I’d really prefer she’s out of the house—I’m just not a fan of her lying around on my couch. If she’s with her boyfriend, that’s fine.

I haven’t taken her phone away in years because it doesn’t really help and she doesn’t respond well to that kind of consequence. She’s 18 now, turning 19 soon, so I don’t really have leverage to control her choices anymore anyway.

I would be furious if my kid got fired like this. Were there any consequences for her.

You clearly don't understand the downfalls of being a people pleaser. You need to MAKE her stand up for herself. Wait, what am I talking about, she clearly makes the rules in your house. Eventually she will get hired for a real job and it's going to suck for the people who have to work with her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She says he’s mostly calling her, but I’d say it’s half and half. She is an extreme people pleaser and never says no to anyone. She doesn’t want to leave the phone at home. OP

She is an "extreme people pleaser" who "never says no to anyone," OP? Are you sure?

Because she's not putting away the phone when her literal boss is telling her to do so. She's not staying off the your couch on her phone, either.

She's not a "people pleaser." She's a "boyfriend pleaser," and she can't say no to him. That's not the same thing. It's also not a good place to be as a young woman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She says he’s mostly calling her, but I’d say it’s half and half. She is an extreme people pleaser and never says no to anyone. She doesn’t want to leave the phone at home. OP

She is an "extreme people pleaser" who "never says no to anyone," OP? Are you sure?

Because she's not putting away the phone when her literal boss is telling her to do so. She's not staying off the your couch on her phone, either.

She's not a "people pleaser." She's a "boyfriend pleaser," and she can't say no to him. That's not the same thing. It's also not a good place to be as a young woman.

I don’t even think that’s it — sounds like DD was calling BF half the time. She just sounds selfish and immature.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I can’t believe you are asking this question.

If my child got fired for something like this, the phone would be gone for the rest of the summer.

You created this problem.

This.

No you can’t intervene with the manager. Yes you should let her get fired and hope it’s public and humiliating. They have given her way more leeway than I would.

Why doesn’t she feel comfortable saying no to her boyfriend? Is he abusive or is she a people pleaser? Neither ends well.

Teen got many warnings. She chose to not follow her employer's "rules." Time for her to face the consequences.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She says he’s mostly calling her, but I’d say it’s half and half. She is an extreme people pleaser and never says no to anyone. She doesn’t want to leave the phone at home. OP

She is an "extreme people pleaser" who "never says no to anyone," OP? Are you sure?

Because she's not putting away the phone when her literal boss is telling her to do so. She's not staying off the your couch on her phone, either.

She's not a "people pleaser." She's a "boyfriend pleaser," and she can't say no to him. That's not the same thing. It's also not a good place to be as a young woman.

I don’t even think that’s it — sounds like DD was calling BF half the time. She just sounds selfish and immature.

I call this "rules for thee; rules for me." Daughter (after many warnings) still chose to flaunt the stated rules of her employer. And Mom wants to make excuses of "being people pleaser."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She says he’s mostly calling her, but I’d say it’s half and half. She is an extreme people pleaser and never says no to anyone. She doesn’t want to leave the phone at home. OP

She is an "extreme people pleaser" who "never says no to anyone," OP? Are you sure?

Because she's not putting away the phone when her literal boss is telling her to do so. She's not staying off the your couch on her phone, either.

She's not a "people pleaser." She's a "boyfriend pleaser," and she can't say no to him. That's not the same thing. It's also not a good place to be as a young woman.

I don’t even think that’s it — sounds like DD was calling BF half the time. She just sounds selfish and immature.

I call this "rules for thee; rules for me." Daughter (after many warnings) still chose to flaunt the stated rules of her employer. And Mom wants to make excuses of "being people pleaser."

Make it make sense.

[Anonymous]

Wil she kiss this big giant loser over FaceTime to get fired from Applebees? Lolz