18yo about to be let go from summer job because of phone use

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell her to keep her phone turned OFF before she starts her shift and keep it off until her shift is over. Maybe if she gets a break she can check her phone during the break, but then she should be sure to turn it off.

She should apologize to the manager and explain her plan for how she will act going forward. Tell her you expect her to work it out and keep her job.

This.

One of the worst disagreement I had with a direct report was when she had a text-related remote breakup with a boyfriend during the workday. This was a woman in her late 40s and a guy she met on OLD. She told me she needed to leave work because she was too upset. I was hangry so I told her it was ridiculous for her to be acting this way at work. I stand by that although I could have been nicer at the moment.

If there is idle time at work, she needs to ask her manager if there are additional tasks to be done. Or just rest.

If you want to talk to anyone beyond your DD, tell the boyfriend to learn some respect for your DD and her job.

You’re a b*

NP. I disagree. If the employee was too upset by a personal problem to stay at work then she should have told PP she was feeling ill and needed to leave. What she should not have done was burden her boss with tales of her love life, like a lovesick teenager.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She ended up calling in and quitting. She was going to get fired anyway, and since she's someone hates conflict, quitting was what she chose to do. She has a hard time standing up for herself. That doesn't mean she's always doing what other people tell her to do, but she's never rude, hostile, or intentionally tries to hurt anyone's feelings even when she disagrees.

She's also not a spender. She saves all the money she earns and doesn't ask anyone for money. We pay her phone bill, but even if I turned it off, she'd just use Wi-Fi to call him through FaceTime audio or video. She also has apps she uses to call people that don't require cell service, so shutting off the phone wouldn't really change much.

I don't know what she's going to do this summer now. It's going to be harder to find a new job this late, especially because there are certain jobs she doesn't like. She hates being out in the sun and prefers indoor work. I’m also worried that this will become a pattern, and that she’ll just get fired again. I guess she'll have to figure something out.

When she's not working, she'll usually stay in bed until around 2 p.m. talking on the phone, then come downstairs, grab some strawberries or carrots and maybe a bag of chips, and spend most of the afternoon on the couch using her phone.

Her boyfriend works too, so they don't spend every waking minute together. In the evenings she usually sees him after work. Sometimes they go exercise or go to the gym together, and by the time they're done it's late like 11, so she'll shower at his house and stay the night. Some nights they'll go out to a party or hang out with friends, but that's not most nights. Other days, if they skip the gym, he'll come over for dinner and sometimes she wants him to spend the night. Or she'll go to his house and spend the day there. Sometimes she spends several days in a row there. She sleeps over there quite a bit and isn’t always just sitting at home.

She’ll have to now try to find other things to do though. OP

If you’re not a troll, and I really hope you are, I want you to know that you totally wasted my time in seeking advice. Your above message is ridiculous. You have not raised your kid well.

To be blunt you are raising a total loser. Stop saying "people pleaser" about someone who's directly disobeying their boss. She just DGAF and you're not giving her much reason to change OP.

[Anonymous]

Is she going off to college in September? Will the college be far away from where she is living now?
I am thinking that probably she sabotaged her job on purpose because she didn't want a job in the first place and wanted to spend her last summer at home hanging with friends (or at least the boyfriend) before she moves away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She ended up calling in and quitting. She was going to get fired anyway, and since she's someone hates conflict, quitting was what she chose to do. She has a hard time standing up for herself. That doesn't mean she's always doing what other people tell her to do, but she's never rude, hostile, or intentionally tries to hurt anyone's feelings even when she disagrees.

She's also not a spender. She saves all the money she earns and doesn't ask anyone for money. We pay her phone bill, but even if I turned it off, she'd just use Wi-Fi to call him through FaceTime audio or video. She also has apps she uses to call people that don't require cell service, so shutting off the phone wouldn't really change much.

I don't know what she's going to do this summer now. It's going to be harder to find a new job this late, especially because there are certain jobs she doesn't like. She hates being out in the sun and prefers indoor work. I’m also worried that this will become a pattern, and that she’ll just get fired again. I guess she'll have to figure something out.

When she's not working, she'll usually stay in bed until around 2 p.m. talking on the phone, then come downstairs, grab some strawberries or carrots and maybe a bag of chips, and spend most of the afternoon on the couch using her phone.

Her boyfriend works too, so they don't spend every waking minute together. In the evenings she usually sees him after work. Sometimes they go exercise or go to the gym together, and by the time they're done it's late like 11, so she'll shower at his house and stay the night. Some nights they'll go out to a party or hang out with friends, but that's not most nights. Other days, if they skip the gym, he'll come over for dinner and sometimes she wants him to spend the night. Or she'll go to his house and spend the day there. Sometimes she spends several days in a row there. She sleeps over there quite a bit and isn’t always just sitting at home.

She’ll have to now try to find other things to do though. OP

This is hilarious. You can't be for real.

[Anonymous]

She's not "a people pleaser." She doesn't want or try to please everyone, PP. It's selective, and the people she cares about pleasing are chosen deliberately.

Apparently, for other people (including her boss, and including her parents), pleasing them isn't even on her radar. It's probably because she takes them for granted, but is "a people pleaser" just for people who she wants something from and thinks she won't automatically get it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She ended up calling in and quitting. She was going to get fired anyway, and since she's someone hates conflict, quitting was what she chose to do. She has a hard time standing up for herself. That doesn't mean she's always doing what other people tell her to do, but she's never rude, hostile, or intentionally tries to hurt anyone's feelings even when she disagrees.

She's also not a spender. She saves all the money she earns and doesn't ask anyone for money. We pay her phone bill, but even if I turned it off, she'd just use Wi-Fi to call him through FaceTime audio or video. She also has apps she uses to call people that don't require cell service, so shutting off the phone wouldn't really change much.

I don't know what she's going to do this summer now. It's going to be harder to find a new job this late, especially because there are certain jobs she doesn't like. She hates being out in the sun and prefers indoor work. I’m also worried that this will become a pattern, and that she’ll just get fired again. I guess she'll have to figure something out.

When she's not working, she'll usually stay in bed until around 2 p.m. talking on the phone, then come downstairs, grab some strawberries or carrots and maybe a bag of chips, and spend most of the afternoon on the couch using her phone.

Her boyfriend works too, so they don't spend every waking minute together. In the evenings she usually sees him after work. Sometimes they go exercise or go to the gym together, and by the time they're done it's late like 11, so she'll shower at his house and stay the night. Some nights they'll go out to a party or hang out with friends, but that's not most nights. Other days, if they skip the gym, he'll come over for dinner and sometimes she wants him to spend the night. Or she'll go to his house and spend the day there. Sometimes she spends several days in a row there. She sleeps over there quite a bit and isn’t always just sitting at home.

She’ll have to now try to find other things to do though. OP

+

Wow, talk about letting her get away with things. I'm not sure who is the bigger loser here, you or your DD.

BTW nobody GAF what she spends her day doing or eating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She ended up calling in and quitting. She was going to get fired anyway, and since she's someone hates conflict, quitting was what she chose to do. She has a hard time standing up for herself. That doesn't mean she's always doing what other people tell her to do, but she's never rude, hostile, or intentionally tries to hurt anyone's feelings even when she disagrees.

She's also not a spender. She saves all the money she earns and doesn't ask anyone for money. We pay her phone bill, but even if I turned it off, she'd just use Wi-Fi to call him through FaceTime audio or video. She also has apps she uses to call people that don't require cell service, so shutting off the phone wouldn't really change much.

I don't know what she's going to do this summer now. It's going to be harder to find a new job this late, especially because there are certain jobs she doesn't like. She hates being out in the sun and prefers indoor work. I’m also worried that this will become a pattern, and that she’ll just get fired again. I guess she'll have to figure something out.

When she's not working, she'll usually stay in bed until around 2 p.m. talking on the phone, then come downstairs, grab some strawberries or carrots and maybe a bag of chips, and spend most of the afternoon on the couch using her phone.

Her boyfriend works too, so they don't spend every waking minute together. In the evenings she usually sees him after work. Sometimes they go exercise or go to the gym together, and by the time they're done it's late like 11, so she'll shower at his house and stay the night. Some nights they'll go out to a party or hang out with friends, but that's not most nights. Other days, if they skip the gym, he'll come over for dinner and sometimes she wants him to spend the night. Or she'll go to his house and spend the day there. Sometimes she spends several days in a row there. She sleeps over there quite a bit and isn’t always just sitting at home.

She’ll have to now try to find other things to do though. OP

+

Wow, talk about letting her get away with things. I'm not sure who is the bigger loser here, you or your DD.

BTW nobody GAF what she spends her day doing or eating.

It's a post with the kind of overexplanation that you would expect if the teen were writing it under the guise of the mother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I can’t believe you are asking this question.

If my child got fired for something like this, the phone would be gone for the rest of the summer.

You created this problem.

+100

[Anonymous]

It’s her last summer before college. Let her hang with boyfriend/friends

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There’s a lot going on here, but what I would first address is why her boyfriend calls her when he knows she’s at work. Is he controlling in other ways?

This.

And also it’s a great lesson in natural consequences. If she didn’t know it was that bad, now she does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell her to keep her phone turned OFF before she starts her shift and keep it off until her shift is over. Maybe if she gets a break she can check her phone during the break, but then she should be sure to turn it off.

She should apologize to the manager and explain her plan for how she will act going forward. Tell her you expect her to work it out and keep her job.

This.

One of the worst disagreement I had with a direct report was when she had a text-related remote breakup with a boyfriend during the workday. This was a woman in her late 40s and a guy she met on OLD. She told me she needed to leave work because she was too upset. I was hangry so I told her it was ridiculous for her to be acting this way at work. I stand by that although I could have been nicer at the moment.

If there is idle time at work, she needs to ask her manager if there are additional tasks to be done. Or just rest.

If you want to talk to anyone beyond your DD, tell the boyfriend to learn some respect for your DD and her job.

You’re a b*

NP. I disagree. If the employee was too upset by a personal problem to stay at work then she should have told PP she was feeling ill and needed to leave. What she should not have done was burden her boss with tales of her love life, like a lovesick teenager.

PP. Maybe I was a b. Maybe a grown middle-aged woman shouldn't be texting a casual boyfriend back and forth during the workday to the point of having a breakup fight. You get paid to do a job, not conduct your social life during work hours.

Btw, I'm still in touch with this lady occasionally on a friendly basis even though she got let go by a bigger boss about 10 years ago. She couldn't keep focused on the job...which was a simple, non-public facing documents management job. She had mental health issues, received accommodations for them, and still couldn't pull it together. Like coming to work on time regularly. Maybe the job was boring but it paid okay and had health benefits and the larger group of colleagues were pretty nice.

So back to the point. Boundaries are helpful in my opinion. I was raised with the norm that you didn't call family and friends at work unless it was critical. The smartphone era has made everyone very sloppy about blending personal and work time. Partly because work time now can completely invade personal time. However, I still think interpersonal private relationship discussions are inappropriate to have during work hours when your employer has tasks you can be doing.

[Anonymous]

I don’t really get why everyone is fixating on the “people pleaser” thing. She doesn’t always follow directions or does what she’s told, but she also tends to let people take advantage of her and walk all over her. Being a people pleaser doesn’t mean she’s perfect or that she’s suddenly going to automatically respect workplace rules; she’s always in her phone.

If anyone has leads on jobs in the DC area that are still hiring, I’m open to ideas. I’d really prefer she’s out of the house—I’m just not a fan of her lying around on my couch. If she’s with her boyfriend, that’s fine.

I haven’t taken her phone away in years because it doesn’t really help and she doesn’t respond well to that kind of consequence. She’s 18 now, turning 19 soon, so I don’t really have leverage to control her choices anymore anyway.

[Anonymous]

OP this is a great life lesson for her to learn NOW. She can find another job. Everyone seems desperate to hire, not sure why you think there are no other jobs.

I’m impressed they actually fired her. I see so many employees on their phones at places now.
Her boyfriend sounds like a loser. And the fact the can’t tell him to stop calling or let him go to voice mail may be an even bigger issue with her self esteem or insecurity.

[Anonymous]

Tell her to find a volunteer job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t really get why everyone is fixating on the “people pleaser” thing. She doesn’t always follow directions or does what she’s told, but she also tends to let people take advantage of her and walk all over her. Being a people pleaser doesn’t mean she’s perfect or that she’s suddenly going to automatically respect workplace rules; she’s always in her phone.

If anyone has leads on jobs in the DC area that are still hiring, I’m open to ideas. I’d really prefer she’s out of the house—I’m just not a fan of her lying around on my couch. If she’s with her boyfriend, that’s fine.

I haven’t taken her phone away in years because it doesn’t really help and she doesn’t respond well to that kind of consequence. She’s 18 now, turning 19 soon, so I don’t really have leverage to control her choices anymore anyway.

who in their right mind would offer up a job recommendation based on what you've stated?