Boyfriend told me he'd leave if I'm infertile. I'm considering moving on

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Male infertility is easier, cheaper and less physically demanding than female fertility.

He's welcome to find out all about that on his own, or not, as needs be. Without OP, most likely.

Uh, this is not accurate given that male factor infertility can absolutely require IVF. I think you mean that male factor infertility is less physically demanding and cheaper for the man. That’s true for anything related to conception and childbirth.

OP’s boyfriend is a self-centered, egotistical ass.

And this is the second example of misunderstanding.

I hope you find a cure for that condition.

What am I misunderstanding about male factor infertility being cheaper and less and invasive than female factor infertility?

Ah. Apparently you cannot see which post you are quoting when you respond.

Any local drugstore has a variety of strengths of reading glasses.

Wow, an ad hominem attack for quoting the wrong post. You should check in with your psychiatrist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Male infertility is easier, cheaper and less physically demanding than female fertility.

I needed IVF for my husband’s male-factor infertility. Tell me how it’s cheaper and less physically demanding?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Male infertility is easier, cheaper and less physically demanding than female fertility.

He's welcome to find out all about that on his own, or not, as needs be. Without OP, most likely.

Uh, this is not accurate given that male factor infertility can absolutely require IVF. I think you mean that male factor infertility is less physically demanding and cheaper for the man. That’s true for anything related to conception and childbirth.

OP’s boyfriend is a self-centered, egotistical ass.

And this is the second example of misunderstanding.

I hope you find a cure for that condition.

What am I misunderstanding about male factor infertility being cheaper and less and invasive than female factor infertility?

Ah. Apparently you cannot see which post you are quoting when you respond.

Any local drugstore has a variety of strengths of reading glasses.

Wow, an ad hominem attack for quoting the wrong post. You should check in with your psychiatrist.

When a pattern is a pattern, it's rather hard to miss.

I have every faith you will catch up.

[Anonymous]

Ugh. The biggest problem with DCUM is that the most boring posters post the MOST. Give it a rest lady.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Male infertility is easier, cheaper and less physically demanding than female fertility.

He's welcome to find out all about that on his own, or not, as needs be. Without OP, most likely.

Uh, this is not accurate given that male factor infertility can absolutely require IVF. I think you mean that male factor infertility is less physically demanding and cheaper for the man. That’s true for anything related to conception and childbirth.

OP’s boyfriend is a self-centered, egotistical ass.

And this is the second example of misunderstanding.

I hope you find a cure for that condition.

What am I misunderstanding about male factor infertility being cheaper and less and invasive than female factor infertility?

Ah. Apparently you cannot see which post you are quoting when you respond.

Any local drugstore has a variety of strengths of reading glasses.

Wow, an ad hominem attack for quoting the wrong post. You should check in with your psychiatrist.

When a pattern is a pattern, it's rather hard to miss.

I have every faith you will catch up.

What pattern, sweetie?

[Anonymous]

I’m a female and I only wanted biological children. But I would not leave my spouse if we could not have our own. We would remain childless.

[Anonymous]

I think it's pretty common for men and women in their late 20s and 30s to want to have a family some day. And they look for partners that share that hope.

Infertility from either the man or the woman is sometimes an issue. But in strong relationships, there are always options if everyone is on the same page.

But if someone is 30 and never wants kids, they should be extremely upfront about that. It's a waste of time for those interested in serious relationships and wanting a family.

Realities will be different at different age points. But 25-35 is serious business for everyone.

[Anonymous]

If your BF is under 30, likely his frontal lobe isn't fully developed. Some men always know they want kids snd others realize later once they settle after college and job to see others having kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wanting or not wanting to have biological children isn't a crime. Find one who wants same thing as you do. What all this fuss is about? If you love him and don't want to leave him, that's an issue. If you are fine moving on for any thing that matters more to you, then you don't love him to begin with. Just like you want him to sacrifice, are you willing to make sacrifices for him?

Because you won’t know if you can have children until you try. Most people don’t want to try for children until they’re married. He’s previewing that his love is conditioned on OP’s health. This isn’t about whether each partner WANTS children. It’s about how OP’s boyfriend will handle an unexpected medical issue entirely outside of OP’s control.

He hasn't put a ring on it or signed a license yet so being upfront while dating is honest. If something happens afterwards, that's a different scenario.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's a little Henry VIII for my tastes. I think most people instinctual assume/prefer that any children they have will be biologically theirs, but telling your SO that this preference outweighs your desire to build a life with them is nuts.

If you are still willing to marry him I'd have a fertility workup now and make him pay for it. He's making it a condition of marriage it should be at his expense.

Also, the people harping on him would be singing a different tune if OP were a man and his girlfriend had said this.

This^. Double standards because majority of the posters here are women.

[Anonymous]

There are w lot of men and women who would leave an infertile partner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's a little Henry VIII for my tastes. I think most people instinctual assume/prefer that any children they have will be biologically theirs, but telling your SO that this preference outweighs your desire to build a life with them is nuts.

If you are still willing to marry him I'd have a fertility workup now and make him pay for it. He's making it a condition of marriage it should be at his expense.

Also, the people harping on him would be singing a different tune if OP were a man and his girlfriend had said this.

This^. Double standards because majority of the posters here are women.

People would say he must try to stay with her even if she said she'd leave him if he was physically unable to father children? Is that what you are saying?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are w lot of men and women who would leave an infertile partner.

or even a fertile partner

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm anti IVF and understand his desire for natural children but id dump him. You take the person as they come. I'm sure he also wants a healthy wife who can walk and talk. So he'd leave you if you became disabled, got sick, turned out to be inferile. He doesn't love you for you, you're a means to end, he feels like women are fungible.

This. He sounds like someone who would leave you if it turned out you couldn’t carry a biologically yours pregnancy , for whatever reason. This could easily be someone who would also leave you if you couldn’t drop the baby weight, or if you got fired and couldn’t find comparable employment , or if you developed leukemia. Or lost the use of your legs in a car accident. Don’t get me wrong, these things can cause turmoil in many marriages , but for him to be like “yeah I’d leave you” is an absolute gift right now. Leave him and don’t look back. Find someone who loves you for you.

That's horrible OP. As someone who struggled (and our infertility was "unexplained" so it could have been on either end) and then went thru IVF to have kids, it was already so hard and I can't imagine dealing with such an uncommitted jerk of a partner. He's shown you who he is. He'll bail as soon as things are outside his fairy tale.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's a little Henry VIII for my tastes. I think most people instinctual assume/prefer that any children they have will be biologically theirs, but telling your SO that this preference outweighs your desire to build a life with them is nuts.

If you are still willing to marry him I'd have a fertility workup now and make him pay for it. He's making it a condition of marriage it should be at his expense.

Also, the people harping on him would be singing a different tune if OP were a man and his girlfriend had said this.

This^. Double standards because majority of the posters here are women.

People would say he must try to stay with her even if she said she'd leave him if he was physically unable to father children? Is that what you are saying?

Nobody is saying if she should stay or leave, just stating the fact that lots of people date and break up if they aren't compatible. There is no need to assign blame here for personal preferences to move forward or not.