Boyfriend told me he'd leave if I'm infertile. I'm considering moving on

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

She can't be allowed to show disrespect to anonymous men.

Punish her.

Being held this account for being manipulative and dishonest in response to an honest partner is viewed as "punishment" only by a psychopath.

[Anonymous]

held to account

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Move on not in

Agree she should move along though it sounds like she doesn’t want to.

What she actually wanted/wants was to get her bf to make the concession that he would remain married to her if she could not have children with him due to her future hypothetical infertility.

Once that concession was made, she could then wear him down about whether or not he would marry her if she just wasn't sure she wanted to have children, regardless of any infertility issue.

Because that is her real issue here. She knows no children would be a deal breaker for him. If she came right out and said she didn't want to have children or might not want to, the relationship would end

As you said, she doesn't want the relationship to end. She wants to have the bf and also have the option to be child free or at least she wants the decision of whether or not to have children at all to be totally at her own option. Exactly like the story posted by a PP somewhere on this thread. Except in that case her husband agreed to have no children, but then when she arbitrarily changed her mind later on in the marriage, he was ok with having children. He didn't care either way. OPs bf does care and told her so.

If OP could have gotten her bf to concede he wouldn't mind being married if they didn't have children due to her infertility, it's only a short step for her to get the concession that he would be ok with not having children due to her preference, or to have them lper her preference. II mean it kind of makes sense.

Except the bf didn't fall for it. He didn't take the bait that many guys would have taken of suppressing his own preferences to tell her what she wanted to hear,just to keep her in the relationship.

She's uncomfortable because she's created a real bind for herself. If she stays with him now she's basically telling him she wants to have children with him if they get married. If she gets married and changes her mind about that, then the failure of the marriage is all on her because she married under false pretenses..If she gets him to admit that there is some hypothetical scenario under which he would be ok in a child free marriage, then having children or not becomes optional and he's the bad guy if she decides she doesn't want children after they get married.

So she still wants this guy but is basically trying to flim flam him out of having a role in the decision of whether or not to have children.

The "he made me feel uncomfortable by his answer" is to cast aspersion in his preferences and also to gain support for trying to use emotional blackmail on him to get him to budge on this issue.

If the Internet validates her she will go back to him and say "Your statement made me very uncomfortable I don't think you really love me you just want me for my uterus.". Hoping for him to respond like "Oh honey I do love you I shouldn't have said that" to keep her from breaking up with him since after all it's just a hypothetical. Most guys probably would have just told her whatever she wanted to hear to avoid the risk of her throwing a tantrum or breaking up with them

I don't think it's going to work.

This is not a difficult issue he wants to have kids with the person he married no ifs ands or buts. He made that very clear. She doesn't, or at least wants to have the option not to have kids or some other similar issue such as timing or number if kids or something.

He's honest about his feelings, she is not.

Now she has stuck because she wants this guy but she doesn't agree.with his very strong preference the kids.

This is no different from any other important compatability issue like religions or politics.

Plenty of women here make politics their deal breaker if a guy isn't to the left of Mao he's undatable.

Or religion.

So the only way out for the OP is to tell her bf the truth and that she will not do. That would require maturity and a sense of responsibility towards her bf and towards the truth which she does not possess.

TL;DR -- "Wall of text. I'm being weird and overly invested in this, and I project my own issues onto anonymous women. Thank you for coming to my talk."

Cope.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, you have to hold her to account.

You can't let her just say things about some guy like that. She can't do that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
help me guys

he said i had a wart, how can I ever recover from this, oh noooooooo

What are you talking about? The wart is your most attractive feature

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Move on not in

Agree she should move along though it sounds like she doesn’t want to.

What she actually wanted/wants was to get her bf to make the concession that he would remain married to her if she could not have children with him due to her future hypothetical infertility.

Once that concession was made, she could then wear him down about whether or not he would marry her if she just wasn't sure she wanted to have children, regardless of any infertility issue.

Because that is her real issue here. She knows no children would be a deal breaker for him. If she came right out and said she didn't want to have children or might not want to, the relationship would end

As you said, she doesn't want the relationship to end. She wants to have the bf and also have the option to be child free or at least she wants the decision of whether or not to have children at all to be totally at her own option. Exactly like the story posted by a PP somewhere on this thread. Except in that case her husband agreed to have no children, but then when she arbitrarily changed her mind later on in the marriage, he was ok with having children. He didn't care either way. OPs bf does care and told her so.

If OP could have gotten her bf to concede he wouldn't mind being married if they didn't have children due to her infertility, it's only a short step for her to get the concession that he would be ok with not having children due to her preference, or to have them lper her preference. II mean it kind of makes sense.

Except the bf didn't fall for it. He didn't take the bait that many guys would have taken of suppressing his own preferences to tell her what she wanted to hear,just to keep her in the relationship.

She's uncomfortable because she's created a real bind for herself. If she stays with him now she's basically telling him she wants to have children with him if they get married. If she gets married and changes her mind about that, then the failure of the marriage is all on her because she married under false pretenses..If she gets him to admit that there is some hypothetical scenario under which he would be ok in a child free marriage, then having children or not becomes optional and he's the bad guy if she decides she doesn't want children after they get married.

So she still wants this guy but is basically trying to flim flam him out of having a role in the decision of whether or not to have children.

The "he made me feel uncomfortable by his answer" is to cast aspersion in his preferences and also to gain support for trying to use emotional blackmail on him to get him to budge on this issue.

If the Internet validates her she will go back to him and say "Your statement made me very uncomfortable I don't think you really love me you just want me for my uterus.". Hoping for him to respond like "Oh honey I do love you I shouldn't have said that" to keep her from breaking up with him since after all it's just a hypothetical. Most guys probably would have just told her whatever she wanted to hear to avoid the risk of her throwing a tantrum or breaking up with them

I don't think it's going to work.

This is not a difficult issue he wants to have kids with the person he married no ifs ands or buts. He made that very clear. She doesn't, or at least wants to have the option not to have kids or some other similar issue such as timing or number if kids or something.

He's honest about his feelings, she is not.

Now she has stuck because she wants this guy but she doesn't agree.with his very strong preference the kids.

This is no different from any other important compatability issue like religions or politics.

Plenty of women here make politics their deal breaker if a guy isn't to the left of Mao he's undatable.

Or religion.

So the only way out for the OP is to tell her bf the truth and that she will not do. That would require maturity and a sense of responsibility towards her bf and towards the truth which she does not possess.

TL;DR -- "Wall of text. I'm being weird and overly invested in this, and I project my own issues onto anonymous women. Thank you for coming to my talk."

Cope.

Unfortunately, he can't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Yeah, you have to hold her to account.

You can't let her just say things about some guy like that. She can't do that.

She can say whatever she wants and did.

So did he.

He was honest, she was deceitful and manipulative

That's why she's uncomfortable. She's trying to run a scam on an honest guy who she wants to be with, and is concerned he will catch on to her

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Yeah, you have to hold her to account.

You can't let her just say things about some guy like that. She can't do that.

She can say whatever she wants and did.

So did he.

He was honest, she was deceitful and manipulative

That's why she's uncomfortable. She's trying to run a scam on an honest guy who she wants to be with, and is concerned he will catch on to her

Right. You can't let her get away with thinking that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Yeah, you have to hold her to account.

You can't let her just say things about some guy like that. She can't do that.

She can say whatever she wants and did.

So did he.

He was honest, she was deceitful and manipulative

That's why she's uncomfortable. She's trying to run a scam on an honest guy who she wants to be with, and is concerned he will catch on to her

Right. You can't let her get away with thinking that.

DP. You seem like to type to use weasel words like OP to make yourself a sympathetic figure in every situation. Maybe try growing up?

[Anonymous]

Yeah, you can't let me get away with thinking that, either. Better do something about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is a completely normal thing to say. He wants biological children. If you can’t do that for him then the relationship won’t work. OP should look into fertility testing.

Most people do not have fertility testing prior to marriage.

In healthy relationships, if either the man or woman discovers subfertility after marriage, they go to the fertility clinic to get help conceiving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is a completely normal thing to say. He wants biological children. If you can’t do that for him then the relationship won’t work. OP should look into fertility testing.

Most people do not have fertility testing prior to marriage.

In healthy relationships, if either the man or woman discovers subfertility after marriage, they go to the fertility clinic to get help conceiving.

I don't think OP knows the first thing or cares about having a healthy relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is a completely normal thing to say. He wants biological children. If you can’t do that for him then the relationship won’t work. OP should look into fertility testing.

Most people do not have fertility testing prior to marriage.

In healthy relationships, if either the man or woman discovers subfertility after marriage, they go to the fertility clinic to get help conceiving.

Your point? If it's important to him, he can do whatever DD he wants, just like you can ask about finances and credit history. If she doesn't like...move on!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is a completely normal thing to say. He wants biological children. If you can’t do that for him then the relationship won’t work. OP should look into fertility testing.

Most people do not have fertility testing prior to marriage.

In healthy relationships, if either the man or woman discovers subfertility after marriage, they go to the fertility clinic to get help conceiving.

Your point? If it's important to him, he can do whatever DD he wants, just like you can ask about finances and credit history. If she doesn't like...move on!

That's a sore spot for this PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is a completely normal thing to say. He wants biological children. If you can’t do that for him then the relationship won’t work. OP should look into fertility testing.

Most people do not have fertility testing prior to marriage.

In healthy relationships, if either the man or woman discovers subfertility after marriage, they go to the fertility clinic to get help conceiving.

I don't think OP knows the first thing or cares about having a healthy relationship.

You know a lot about her from just a few posts. You can't let her just, you know, be like that and all.