Boyfriend told me he'd leave if I'm infertile. I'm considering moving on

[Anonymous]

This is a common problem only mostly women are ones wanting children and men either don't want any or delay until they feel ready. This forum always tell women to leave and have children either someone else because that's important to them.

[Anonymous]

Dude has never considered that HE could be what might hold him back from having bio children. Will both parties have a full fertility screening before getting married? What will each do if they develop issues or any infertility they experience later ends up being unexplained? Divorce?

[Anonymous]

This is pretty normal. He did say the quiet part out loud. There are pluses and minuses to a person like that.

Odds are that you are both fertile. And he wants kids. Have him take you to pound town and get a bun in the oven. Unless you're finalizing the cure for cancer or have discovered the path to world peace, it's unlikely that you're doing anything more fulfilling than having a baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wanting or not wanting to have biological children isn't a crime. Find one who wants same thing as you do. What all this fuss is about? If you love him and don't want to leave him, that's an issue. If you are fine moving on for any thing that matters more to you, then you don't love him to begin with. Just like you want him to sacrifice, are you willing to make sacrifices for him?

Because you won’t know if you can have children until you try. Most people don’t want to try for children until they’re married. He’s previewing that his love is conditioned on OP’s health. This isn’t about whether each partner WANTS children. It’s about how OP’s boyfriend will handle an unexpected medical issue entirely outside of OP’s control.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That's a little Henry VIII for my tastes. I think most people instinctual assume/prefer that any children they have will be biologically theirs, but telling your SO that this preference outweighs your desire to build a life with them is nuts.

If you are still willing to marry him I'd have a fertility workup now and make him pay for it. He's making it a condition of marriage it should be at his expense.

I actually think he did the right thing if that's how he feels. I wouldn't have left my husband if we couldn't have kids but to each their own. At least OP's boyfriend told her this before they got married.

Also, the people harping on him would be singing a different tune if OP were a man and his girlfriend had said this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Boyfriend of 2 years began talking about children making emphasis that he wanted them to be his. I then asked what would happen if I can't have kids. He said he would discontinue the relationship. While I recognize his right to pursue bio children, I feel uncomfortable with someone that would say something like this to me and I'm leaning towards moving on.

Has anybody had a similar experience?

That's fine, then leave him. People are allowed to have their preferences, and you can either accept them or not. It doesn't make either of you right or wrong. I know people will say he's a jerk and you're right but those are people who either aren't being truthful with themselves about how they'd feel or who don't want kids. I didn't care if I had kids or not (woman) and my husband and I discussed this prior to marriage. We both decided we would try and see what happened (and ended up spontaneously pregnant with twins and we're very happy).

I understand it hurts your feelings that he wouldn't want to be married to you even if you couldn't produce children, and I get that that would sting, but he's telling you this now and you can either decide if you feel the same way or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I guess what I’m hearing is that he wants children so much that he cannot imagine a life without them. And not having children is a dealbreaker for him. I’d want to know more about how he said what he said. Did he say, “I’d leave you if you can’t have children” (which is abrasive and sounds kind of punitive) or did he say, “Bio-children are supremely important to me. It would break my heart but I think I’d have to end our relationship if it turned out that we couldn’t have kids”? Either way is not great, because what about adoption or other alternatives.

How does he know HE is fertile? Has he gotten himself tested?

Some people don't want to adopt or do IVF. That's not wrong, it just is what it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm anti IVF and understand his desire for natural children but id dump him. You take the person as they come. I'm sure he also wants a healthy wife who can walk and talk. So he'd leave you if you became disabled, got sick, turned out to be inferile. He doesn't love you for you, you're a means to end, he feels like women are fungible.

This. He sounds like someone who would leave you if it turned out you couldn’t carry a biologically yours pregnancy , for whatever reason. This could easily be someone who would also leave you if you couldn’t drop the baby weight, or if you got fired and couldn’t find comparable employment , or if you developed leukemia. Or lost the use of your legs in a car accident. Don’t get me wrong, these things can cause turmoil in many marriages , but for him to be like “yeah I’d leave you” is an absolute gift right now. Leave him and don’t look back. Find someone who loves you for you.

I mean, there are men who leave their perfectly healthy wives all the time because some AP made them feel special and alive. This guy at least is being upfront about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Being honest is a crime now? What would we say if genders were swapped here?

Why would it be a crime for her to leave him, as he would leave her?

Isn't that just how it goes? Fine for the goose, fine for the gander.

OP isn't calling the police on him. She's breaking up with him because she disagrees with the conditions he so honestly laid in front of her.

I fully support men leaving their partners if said partners confessed to seeing them as a sperm bank

Do you just not read the posts you respond to, or is it a general inability to understand things?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Male infertility is easier, cheaper and less physically demanding than female fertility.

He's welcome to find out all about that on his own, or not, as needs be. Without OP, most likely.

Uh, this is not accurate given that male factor infertility can absolutely require IVF. I think you mean that male factor infertility is less physically demanding and cheaper for the man. That’s true for anything related to conception and childbirth.

OP’s boyfriend is a self-centered, egotistical ass.

And this is the second example of misunderstanding.

I hope you find a cure for that condition.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a common problem only mostly women are ones wanting children and men either don't want any or delay until they feel ready. This forum always tell women to leave and have children either someone else because that's important to them.

Well, sure. Is there anybody in this thread saying these two should stay together?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is pretty normal. He did say the quiet part out loud. There are pluses and minuses to a person like that.

Odds are that you are both fertile. And he wants kids. Have him take you to pound town and get a bun in the oven. Unless you're finalizing the cure for cancer or have discovered the path to world peace, it's unlikely that you're doing anything more fulfilling than having a baby.

Problem is, she may not want him OR his baby, anyway. It's tough when women still have choices that you don't agree with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Male infertility is easier, cheaper and less physically demanding than female fertility.

He's welcome to find out all about that on his own, or not, as needs be. Without OP, most likely.

Uh, this is not accurate given that male factor infertility can absolutely require IVF. I think you mean that male factor infertility is less physically demanding and cheaper for the man. That’s true for anything related to conception and childbirth.

OP’s boyfriend is a self-centered, egotistical ass.

And this is the second example of misunderstanding.

I hope you find a cure for that condition.

What am I misunderstanding about male factor infertility being cheaper and less and invasive than female factor infertility?

[Anonymous]

^*not actually* being cheaper and less invasive. Sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Male infertility is easier, cheaper and less physically demanding than female fertility.

He's welcome to find out all about that on his own, or not, as needs be. Without OP, most likely.

Uh, this is not accurate given that male factor infertility can absolutely require IVF. I think you mean that male factor infertility is less physically demanding and cheaper for the man. That’s true for anything related to conception and childbirth.

OP’s boyfriend is a self-centered, egotistical ass.

And this is the second example of misunderstanding.

I hope you find a cure for that condition.

What am I misunderstanding about male factor infertility being cheaper and less and invasive than female factor infertility?

Ah. Apparently you cannot see which post you are quoting when you respond.

Any local drugstore has a variety of strengths of reading glasses.