Boyfriend told me he'd leave if I'm infertile. I'm considering moving on

[Anonymous]

I would break up with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Having biological children is incredibly important to most people. He was just being honest. This is also a hypothetical scenario as I understand. You could end up breaking up for any other reason in the future. No need to think about it now.

Sure. And they can break up for this now, and each find someone better suited to them. Nothing wrong with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm anti IVF and understand his desire for natural children but id dump him. You take the person as they come. I'm sure he also wants a healthy wife who can walk and talk. So he'd leave you if you became disabled, got sick, turned out to be inferile. He doesn't love you for you, you're a means to end, he feels like women are fungible.

Like she is staying with him in case of any of that? Women are as human as men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm anti IVF and understand his desire for natural children but id dump him. You take the person as they come. I'm sure he also wants a healthy wife who can walk and talk. So he'd leave you if you became disabled, got sick, turned out to be inferile. He doesn't love you for you, you're a means to end, he feels like women are fungible.

Like she is staying with him in case of any of that? Women are as human as men.

Women do stay at a higher percentage than men. Would citing the research change your mind, or are you just sort of committed to your ideas emotionally, rahter than rationally?

[Anonymous]

^^rather

[Anonymous]

Boyfriend of 2 years began talking about children making emphasis that he wanted them to be his. I then asked what would happen if I can't have kids. He said he would discontinue the relationship. While I recognize his right to pursue bio children, I feel uncomfortable with someone that would say something like this to me and I'm leaning towards moving on.

Has anybody had a similar experience?

Tell him you need him to demonstrate the ability to care for a child for a period of 6 months. Do whatever you need to do to assume responsibility (foster, babysitting for family, volunteering, .... ). We'll see how much we wants to be a father.

[Anonymous]

Marrying someone with infertility issues is signing up for an expensive and stressful battle. Its a different thing if it happens but walking in knowing and on top of that if wife doesn't want children then you can imagine how difficult she would make his life with infertility process and afterwards with raising those kids. They aren't not married, better be honest and find partners who both want it.

[Anonymous]

I have a friend who couldn't have kids after a series of miscarriages and after she almost died from a ruptured ectopic pregnancy. Her husband did not leave her. Imagine going through what she did and your spouse dumping you.

[Anonymous]

My DH of 40 years made it very clear when we were dating that he would not adopt a child. He said that he felt that he could only love his own biological children. He was ok to raise any kid and pay for college etc and make them self sufficient - but he would not consider that child his offspring.

I asked what if I could not have kids? He was ok with not having kids at all. I believed him. He is the most loving and devoted dad in the world to our two kids. And he is a fantastic husband and partner.

[Anonymous]

Men who want to be fathers and have a family with you tend to be more loyal than carefree boys who are self absorbed.

[Anonymous]

Being honest is a crime now? What would we say if genders were swapped here?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Men who want to be fathers and have a family with you tend to be more loyal than carefree boys who are self absorbed.

That depends on what you mean by "being a father" and "having a family with you." Often enough it comes with self-absorbed anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Boyfriend of 2 years began talking about children making emphasis that he wanted them to be his. I then asked what would happen if I can't have kids. He said he would discontinue the relationship. While I recognize his right to pursue bio children, I feel uncomfortable with someone that would say something like this to me and I'm leaning towards moving on.

Has anybody had a similar experience?

Tell him you need him to demonstrate the ability to care for a child for a period of 6 months. Do whatever you need to do to assume responsibility (foster, babysitting for family, volunteering, .... ). We'll see how much we wants to be a father.

Dis she demonstrate her ability to be a good wife and mother or there are double standards here?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Being honest is a crime now? What would we say if genders were swapped here?

Why would it be a crime for her to leave him, as he would leave her?

Isn't that just how it goes? Fine for the goose, fine for the gander.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Boyfriend of 2 years began talking about children making emphasis that he wanted them to be his. I then asked what would happen if I can't have kids. He said he would discontinue the relationship. While I recognize his right to pursue bio children, I feel uncomfortable with someone that would say something like this to me and I'm leaning towards moving on.

Has anybody had a similar experience?

Tell him you need him to demonstrate the ability to care for a child for a period of 6 months. Do whatever you need to do to assume responsibility (foster, babysitting for family, volunteering, .... ). We'll see how much we wants to be a father.

Dis she demonstrate her ability to be a good wife and mother or there are double standards here?

Well, only one person was making a specific demand on the future. Don't write checks that you can't cash.