Boyfriend told me he'd leave if I'm infertile. I'm considering moving on

[Anonymous]

And for the peanut gallery, this is why women chose the bear. The bear is generally just minding its own business and will usually leave you alone.

[Anonymous]

For a forum that has had countless threads about men "wasting" women's fertility by not committing to kids, this is a quite the switch-a-roo.

[Anonymous]

Stringing someone along without being clear that you have already made an incompatible decision ... is the exact opposite of moving on once its clear you are incompatible.

One example is staying, and the other is leaving. That's not a switch-a-roo, it's a switch-a-ron't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is a completely normal thing to say. He wants biological children. If you can’t do that for him then the relationship won’t work. OP should look into fertility testing.

Most people do not have fertility testing prior to marriage.

In healthy relationships, if either the man or woman discovers subfertility after marriage, they go to the fertility clinic to get help conceiving.

Your point? If it's important to him, he can do whatever DD he wants, just like you can ask about finances and credit history. If she doesn't like...move on!

That's a sore spot for this PP.

More weasel, shaming language. That's all you have and how you move through the world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Stringing someone along without being clear that you have already made an incompatible decision ... is the exact opposite of moving on once its clear you are incompatible.

One example is staying, and the other is leaving. That's not a switch-a-roo, it's a switch-a-ron't.

They're both lies of omission about their preferences in order to preserve optionality, as a PP in this thread outlined.

[Anonymous]

Preserve optionality ... by leaving him and "moving on"?

When you leave, the relationship is not "preserved," PP. It's "no longer existing."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is a completely normal thing to say. He wants biological children. If you can’t do that for him then the relationship won’t work. OP should look into fertility testing.

Most people do not have fertility testing prior to marriage.

In healthy relationships, if either the man or woman discovers subfertility after marriage, they go to the fertility clinic to get help conceiving.

Your point? If it's important to him, he can do whatever DD he wants, just like you can ask about finances and credit history. If she doesn't like...move on!

That's a sore spot for this PP.

More weasel, shaming language. That's all you have and how you move through the world.

You can't let me just get away with thinking that. Better do something about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She can say whatever she wants and did.

So did he.

He was honest, she was deceitful and manipulative

That's why she's uncomfortable. She's trying to run a scam on an honest guy who she wants to be with, and is concerned he will catch on to her

She's trying to run a scam on a guy by leaving him?

Is the scam that she's gone, and she stays gone, and then she doesn't come back? How deceitful to not be there after you have left. (?)

[Anonymous]

Meanwhile- there are 4588 threads on here saying its fine to dump a man that doesnt want kids. Oh, the irony.

[Anonymous]

Wedding vows don't include "except if you're infertile" or whatever. If he's already thinking of what ifs that justify divorce, he's not a good bet. Move on

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Meanwhile- there are 4588 threads on here saying its fine to dump a man that doesnt want kids. Oh, the irony.

There's a difference between not wanting kids and not being able to have them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Meanwhile- there are 4588 threads on here saying its fine to dump a man that doesnt want kids. Oh, the irony.

It's fine both ways. This OP can leave. She doesn't want him, because he makes her uncomfortable. SO it's fine for her to stop dating him.

That's not irony. It's consistency.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wedding vows don't include "except if you're infertile" or whatever. If he's already thinking of what ifs that justify divorce, he's not a good bet. Move on

+1
This. It's not about one person wanting kids and one person not wanting kids. OP didn't say she doesn't want kids (although there is a lot of projection happening on this thread). Someone preemptively telling you that they will divorce you if you *can't* bear a child is telling you that they aren't going to be all in on marriage.

[Anonymous]

This thread has gotten super weird with some random incel dominating the last 10+ pages.

There is no double-standard. A woman who would leave a man when she discovered male-factor infertility would be similarly derided as cruel and selfish. They could do IVF, sperm donation, embryo adoption, or adoption if they both desperately wanted kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Meanwhile- there are 4588 threads on here saying its fine to dump a man that doesnt want kids. Oh, the irony.

There's a difference between not wanting kids and not being able to have them.

Not really.