Boyfriend told me he'd leave if I'm infertile. I'm considering moving on

[Anonymous]

Boyfriend of 2 years began talking about children making emphasis that he wanted them to be his. I then asked what would happen if I can't have kids. He said he would discontinue the relationship. While I recognize his right to pursue bio children, I feel uncomfortable with someone that would say something like this to me and I'm leaning towards moving on.

Has anybody had a similar experience?

[Anonymous]

What an @ss! What if he has shitty sperm?

[Anonymous]

The experience of someone making it clear that I am an object -- a means to an end only -- to them, rather than of inherent value myself?

Yes, I've had that experience. Nice when they make it crystal clear, isn't it? A real gift.

[Anonymous]

He wants to have children with you. If that's not possible, he still wants to have children. If you are offended that he would not stay with you no matter what, consider if you are so committed to him that you would also stay no matter what.

I would not have broken up with a man who was infertile, but I did break up with men who expressly did not want to have children, because I did. It wasn't that they were not good guys. We just wanted different things.

[Anonymous]

That's a little Henry VIII for my tastes. I think most people instinctual assume/prefer that any children they have will be biologically theirs, but telling your SO that this preference outweighs your desire to build a life with them is nuts.

If you are still willing to marry him I'd have a fertility workup now and make him pay for it. He's making it a condition of marriage it should be at his expense.

[Anonymous]

He will end up being immature and irrationally spiteful in other areas, guaranteed. That feeling is your underlying recognition of that, trust your inner wisdom.

[Anonymous]

PS: Don't buy it if he says he "changed his mind." Do him the respect of believing him when he tells you who he is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Boyfriend of 2 years began talking about children making emphasis that he wanted them to be his. I then asked what would happen if I can't have kids. He said he would discontinue the relationship. While I recognize his right to pursue bio children, I feel uncomfortable with someone that would say something like this to me and I'm leaning towards moving on.

Has anybody had a similar experience?

Ooof ask him if he had his sperm tested yet before he rallies on about his superiority. FFS.

[Anonymous]

Move On 🚩

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He wants to have children with you. If that's not possible, he still wants to have children. If you are offended that he would not stay with you no matter what, consider if you are so committed to him that you would also stay no matter what.

I would not have broken up with a man who was infertile, but I did break up with men who expressly did not want to have children, because I did. It wasn't that they were not good guys. We just wanted different things.

Mmmm, no.

That's the logic of "it doesn't matter if he beats you, if you were 'so committed to him' you would stay not matter what."

That's not being committed to somebody despite the trials of life. That's participating in your own abuse and neglect.

[Anonymous]

I'm anti IVF and understand his desire for natural children but id dump him. You take the person as they come. I'm sure he also wants a healthy wife who can walk and talk. So he'd leave you if you became disabled, got sick, turned out to be inferile. He doesn't love you for you, you're a means to end, he feels like women are fungible.

[Anonymous]

I know someone who got his girlfriend pregnant first (in their 30s) before he would consider marrying her because he didn’t want to deal with any fertility issues. Extremely gross. He just wanted a breeding sow, not a woman; a person.

[Anonymous]

That's harsh. He has not considered surrogacy? He views you only as a child-bearer and not as a parent or a lifelong companion?

This is so surprising to me that I would ask him all sorts of questions to suss out if he's just very immature, and didn't think about other birth options, and didn't realize the implication of his words... or if he's really an arsehole who considers you a walking womb.

But yes, be ready to ditch him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What an @ss! What if he has shitty sperm?

Impossible, only women can be infertile. /s

[Anonymous]

Having biological children is incredibly important to most people. He was just being honest. This is also a hypothetical scenario as I understand. You could end up breaking up for any other reason in the future. No need to think about it now.