Mother's Day: Am I the a@@hole?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand why you can’t just stay at home and he can take his mom to brunch. Why is that not an option?

Why are you making such a big deal that he might take his mom to do something on Mother’s Day?

Yes, why can’t the OP just agree that her husband’s plans are more important than her plans? It is Mother’s Day after all. What she wants should come last, right?

DP Nobody is forcing OP to do anything. If DH wants his mom over, they can avoid OP Saturday night and go to brunch, or whatever.

Good grief! It’s Mother’s Day. Consider the possibility that OP may not want her husband to avoid her. Presumably she likes him around or she probably wouldn’t have married him. Similarly, she probably wants to spend time with her kids, just without the responsibility and hassles for just one day.

Maybe instead of being exiled to a house or being avoided while MIL is celebrated, she’d like some cozy happy time to just enjoy her family.

Sure, she could go to a hotel and get room service, or stay home while everyone else goes out to eat, but maybe she’d rather her husband pop a tube of cinnamon rolls in the oven and they eat breakfast in front of the TV, take McDonalds to the local park and let play, or have a back yard picnic of PB&J. Maybe she’d like to putter in the garden with the kids before it rains and would appreciate her husband helping with lifting and carrying. Maybe she wants to sleep in and order a big lunch from her family’s favorite restaurant as a treat - that nobody will want if they’ve just had a big brunch.

The point is that the day should be focused on celebrating her, rather than figuring how she can be out of the way of the celebration for MIL, who has already been celebrated that weekend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:WWP? (LOL. Every single Holiday turns toxic with y'all, right? )

Solution - Your MIL stays overnight. Your DH takes his mom out for breakfast, lunch, shopping, pedicure, tea, movie and dinner - while you stay at home.

Done.

DP but OP wants a day alone with her family, just her immediate family. I don't now why that's so hard for most of you to understand?

Why? It is not as if there is LOVE, PEACE, RESPECT & UNDERSTANDING in her immediate family. She and her immediate family should not spend time alone with each other. It is a recipe for disaster. She is cutting her DH's life short with all the drama and stress she is causing.

She is not her DH's mother. DH needs to take care of his own mother, which he will do.

She wanted to do NOTHING. So, she should bed-rot in her PJs at home. Why is this difficult?

Could all OPs tag themselves when they post? White woman, Black woman, Asian woman, Latina etc... ...because this is a purely Karen drama.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand why you can’t just stay at home and he can take his mom to brunch. Why is that not an option?

Why are you making such a big deal that he might take his mom to do something on Mother’s Day?

Yes, why can’t the OP just agree that her husband’s plans are more important than her plans? It is Mother’s Day after all. What she wants should come last, right?

DP Nobody is forcing OP to do anything. If DH wants his mom over, they can avoid OP Saturday night and go to brunch, or whatever.

Good grief! It’s Mother’s Day. Consider the possibility that OP may not want her husband to avoid her. Presumably she likes him around or she probably wouldn’t have married him. Similarly, she probably wants to spend time with her kids, just without the responsibility and hassles for just one day.

Maybe instead of being exiled to a house or being avoided while MIL is celebrated, she’d like some cozy happy time to just enjoy her family.

Sure, she could go to a hotel and get room service, or stay home while everyone else goes out to eat, but maybe she’d rather her husband pop a tube of cinnamon rolls in the oven and they eat breakfast in front of the TV, take McDonalds to the local park and let play, or have a back yard picnic of PB&J. Maybe she’d like to putter in the garden with the kids before it rains and would appreciate her husband helping with lifting and carrying. Maybe she wants to sleep in and order a big lunch from her family’s favorite restaurant as a treat - that nobody will want if they’ve just had a big brunch.

The point is that the day should be focused on celebrating her, rather than figuring how she can be out of the way of the celebration for MIL, who has already been celebrated that weekend.

It is not Wedding Anniversary or Valentine's Day. Her husband does not need to celebrate her motherhood or his partnership with her. Her kids do. She is a grown-ass woman. She can order Chinese and watch netflix.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand why you can’t just stay at home and he can take his mom to brunch. Why is that not an option?

Why are you making such a big deal that he might take his mom to do something on Mother’s Day?

Yes, why can’t the OP just agree that her husband’s plans are more important than her plans? It is Mother’s Day after all. What she wants should come last, right?

DP Nobody is forcing OP to do anything. If DH wants his mom over, they can avoid OP Saturday night and go to brunch, or whatever.

Good grief! It’s Mother’s Day. Consider the possibility that OP may not want her husband to avoid her. Presumably she likes him around or she probably wouldn’t have married him. Similarly, she probably wants to spend time with her kids, just without the responsibility and hassles for just one day.

Maybe instead of being exiled to a house or being avoided while MIL is celebrated, she’d like some cozy happy time to just enjoy her family.

Sure, she could go to a hotel and get room service, or stay home while everyone else goes out to eat, but maybe she’d rather her husband pop a tube of cinnamon rolls in the oven and they eat breakfast in front of the TV, take McDonalds to the local park and let play, or have a back yard picnic of PB&J. Maybe she’d like to putter in the garden with the kids before it rains and would appreciate her husband helping with lifting and carrying. Maybe she wants to sleep in and order a big lunch from her family’s favorite restaurant as a treat - that nobody will want if they’ve just had a big brunch.

The point is that the day should be focused on celebrating her, rather than figuring how she can be out of the way of the celebration for MIL, who has already been celebrated that weekend.

If that was a possibility OP would have communicated that.

OP: "Now my husband is put out that she isn't going to stay over Saturday as well, because it would be "easier" for her to stay over Saturday into Sunday as well. I am livid. He asked me what I wanted. I told him - NOTHING. No guests, no plans, no nothing. "

"NOTHING" means no guests, no plans, no nothing. No kids. No husband. No gifts. No celebrating. Nothing.

The point is that the day should be focused on celebrating her, rather than figuring how she can be out of the way of the celebration for MIL, who has already been celebrated that weekend.

OP doesn't want celebrating. OP wants "NOTHING".

DH and MIL and family should do their best to avoid having 'something' occur that would interrupt the 'nothing' OP wants.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand why you can’t just stay at home and he can take his mom to brunch. Why is that not an option?

Why are you making such a big deal that he might take his mom to do something on Mother’s Day?

Yes, why can’t the OP just agree that her husband’s plans are more important than her plans? It is Mother’s Day after all. What she wants should come last, right?

DP Nobody is forcing OP to do anything. If DH wants his mom over, they can avoid OP Saturday night and go to brunch, or whatever.

Good grief! It’s Mother’s Day. Consider the possibility that OP may not want her husband to avoid her. Presumably she likes him around or she probably wouldn’t have married him. Similarly, she probably wants to spend time with her kids, just without the responsibility and hassles for just one day.

Maybe instead of being exiled to a house or being avoided while MIL is celebrated, she’d like some cozy happy time to just enjoy her family.

Sure, she could go to a hotel and get room service, or stay home while everyone else goes out to eat, but maybe she’d rather her husband pop a tube of cinnamon rolls in the oven and they eat breakfast in front of the TV, take McDonalds to the local park and let play, or have a back yard picnic of PB&J. Maybe she’d like to putter in the garden with the kids before it rains and would appreciate her husband helping with lifting and carrying. Maybe she wants to sleep in and order a big lunch from her family’s favorite restaurant as a treat - that nobody will want if they’ve just had a big brunch.

The point is that the day should be focused on celebrating her, rather than figuring how she can be out of the way of the celebration for MIL, who has already been celebrated that weekend.

It is not Wedding Anniversary or Valentine's Day. Her husband does not need to celebrate her motherhood or his partnership with her. Her kids do. She is a grown-ass woman. She can order Chinese and watch netflix.

+1 Leave her alone. The only possible issue here is the family with whom OP shares a house.

I would ask DH to take the family to MILs house. MIL needs to host.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To be fair, YOU said YOU don’t want to do anything on the Mother’s Day. Does that mean everyone else just needs to stay holed up at home in their rooms?

We will have NO plans unless I declare that it is time for a nature walk they everyone will hop to it. Everyone will just sit with bated breath waiting for something to happen on the no plans until there's a plan Mother's Day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not reading all the replies blaming OP because I agree with her. No plans means no plans and no guests and they are already seeing the MIL for two days before. Team OP. We too are doing “nothing” OP, and my DH is thankful I’m not demanding some big fete but also knows that nothing means nothing.

Wrong.

MILs really need to get a clue. And their spineless sons too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not reading all the replies blaming OP because I agree with her. No plans means no plans and no guests and they are already seeing the MIL for two days before. Team OP. We too are doing “nothing” OP, and my DH is thankful I’m not demanding some big fete but also knows that nothing means nothing.

Wrong.

MILs really need to get a clue. And their spineless sons too.

You mean, your husbands? These threads never fail to disappoint this time of year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To be fair, YOU said YOU don’t want to do anything on the Mother’s Day. Does that mean everyone else just needs to stay holed up at home in their rooms?

We will have NO plans unless I declare that it is time for a nature walk they everyone will hop to it. Everyone will just sit with bated breath waiting for something to happen on the no plans until there's a plan Mother's Day.

Or everyone putters about and enjoys each other’s companionship when they’re relaxed. There’s a lot of middle-ground between shunning OP and attaching themselves to her so they can shadow her all day long. I don’t think OP has even decided that she wants to go for a nature walk, she just wants the freedom to do so. I don’t think she plans on subjecting her family to a forced march, but she might like them around to invite to join her in a walk or other activity.

Moreover, in any relationship, it is expected that sometimes you will do things for other people that you might not otherwise do. I suspect OP, like most moms, goes out of her way the rest of the year to do things for the rest of the family (like having her MIL spend the night or supporting her kids’ sports interests), so asking them to spend 1/365th of the year going along with what she would like to do doesn’t seem unreasonable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:YTA. Listen to him for once, and let his mom come over on Mothers Day..

Sorry I agree with this PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To be fair, YOU said YOU don’t want to do anything on the Mother’s Day. Does that mean everyone else just needs to stay holed up at home in their rooms?

We will have NO plans unless I declare that it is time for a nature walk they everyone will hop to it. Everyone will just sit with bated breath waiting for something to happen on the no plans until there's a plan Mother's Day.

Or everyone putters about and enjoys each other’s companionship when they’re relaxed. There’s a lot of middle-ground between shunning OP and attaching themselves to her so they can shadow her all day long. I don’t think OP has even decided that she wants to go for a nature walk, she just wants the freedom to do so. I don’t think she plans on subjecting her family to a forced march, but she might like them around to invite to join her in a walk or other activity.

Moreover, in any relationship, it is expected that sometimes you will do things for other people that you might not otherwise do. I suspect OP, like most moms, goes out of her way the rest of the year to do things for the rest of the family (like having her MIL spend the night or supporting her kids’ sports interests), so asking them to spend 1/365th of the year going along with what she would like to do doesn’t seem unreasonable.

1/365. The martyrdom is strong with this one.

[Anonymous]

The OG plan was her to come overnight to make game day easier? I see no reason to not stick to that plan. The next day being Mother’s Day shouldn’t be part of the conversation from that perspective. NTA

The changing of plans is pushing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Book yourself into a hotel. Bring books, order room service.

Do people really want to do this? I spent a lot of nights alone in a hotel room ordering room service when I was a consultant. It's a pretty miserable life. I wouldn't choose to do that now to get away from my family.

Yes. Most of us don't travel all the time. Of course I want a night away from cooking, laundry, whining, dog walking, etc. etc. etc. Just one night. Obviously it must get boring if you do it all the time but you realize it's a treat for most of us? I can't believe some of you can't see past your own experiences.

It's pretty sad to be sitting in a hotel room alone eating alone. I guess if you've never done it maybe it seems amazing but it's really not.

It is if it’s your choice. Especially if a balcony is involved. And a late check out.

[Anonymous]

Love to see women blaming other women. JFC.

[Anonymous]

I don't understand why MIL can't be celebrated on Friday-Saturday and a mom cannot get ONE day of what SHE wants on Sunday. It is a compromise.