Mother's Day: Am I the a@@hole?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Book yourself into a hotel. Bring books, order room service.

Do people really want to do this? I spent a lot of nights alone in a hotel room ordering room service when I was a consultant. It's a pretty miserable life. I wouldn't choose to do that now to get away from my family.

Yes. Most of us don't travel all the time. Of course I want a night away from cooking, laundry, whining, dog walking, etc. etc. etc. Just one night. Obviously it must get boring if you do it all the time but you realize it's a treat for most of us? I can't believe some of you can't see past your own experiences.

It's pretty sad to be sitting in a hotel room alone eating alone. I guess if you've never done it maybe it seems amazing but it's really not.

It is if it’s your choice. Especially if a balcony is involved. And a late check out.

How many of these hotel enthusiasts are taking their own advice this weekend?

[Anonymous]

My mom is diseased.

Am I a horrible person for wanting one day without plans? I feel like he asked what I wanted, I expressed it clearly, and he somehow undermined or disregarded it. I am mad.

Maybe you should be caring for your mother, unless it is leprosy. Then I understand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Book yourself into a hotel. Bring books, order room service.

Do people really want to do this? I spent a lot of nights alone in a hotel room ordering room service when I was a consultant. It's a pretty miserable life. I wouldn't choose to do that now to get away from my family.

Yes. People do this. Here is a thread where a poster is mad because her husband doesn't get it.
https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1324429.page

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand why you can’t just stay at home and he can take his mom to brunch. Why is that not an option?

Why are you making such a big deal that he might take his mom to do something on Mother’s Day?

The OP was very clear that she did not want to host guests on Sunday. She wanted a day to relax with her family and go on a nature walk. She doesn’t want to wait around while her husband takes the MIL and kids to lunch.

The misogyny is strong in this thread. No matter how simple the request, a mother getting to spend Mother’s Day doing things she likes is unacceptable.

Here is exactly what OP said.

The kids actually have no sports and we have nothing on our calendar, which is so rare. I want to do nothing. Maybe go for a walk or binge-watch something.

She said she wants to do nothing, except maybe going for a walk or watch some shows.
She didn't even said she wanted to go to that walk with hubby and the kids.
She could have said: I want us to go for a walk, or go hiking, or stay home and watch some movies together. This is doing something, not doing nothing.

[Anonymous]

Can you make plans with another disgruntled mother friend and go out to brunch & drink champagne?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m not reading all the replies blaming OP because I agree with her. No plans means no plans and no guests and they are already seeing the MIL for two days before. Team OP. We too are doing “nothing” OP, and my DH is thankful I’m not demanding some big fete but also knows that nothing means nothing.

Why is OP forcing everyone to do nothing. If she wants to do nothing, that's fine. Her husband and the kids don't want to stay bored doing nothing, they can make their own plans and do something. OP can stay and do nothing. Nobody is asking her to do anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can you make plans with another disgruntled mother friend and go out to brunch & drink champagne?

OP said “no plans”. Nothing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not reading all the replies blaming OP because I agree with her. No plans means no plans and no guests and they are already seeing the MIL for two days before. Team OP. We too are doing “nothing” OP, and my DH is thankful I’m not demanding some big fete but also knows that nothing means nothing.

Why is OP forcing everyone to do nothing. If she wants to do nothing, that's fine. Her husband and the kids don't want to stay bored doing nothing, they can make their own plans and do something. OP can stay and do nothing. Nobody is asking her to do anything.

+1

The rest of the family should do what they want to do. Plan something. Plan something fun everyone will enjoy- brunch, a fun family outing, MIL time, fun dinner at a special place.

Agree on something everyone wants to do. Under no circumstances bother mom doing the nothing she wants.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why MIL can't be celebrated on Friday-Saturday and a mom cannot get ONE day of what SHE wants on Sunday. It is a compromise.

If family is in the house, not obligating OP to do anything, OP is getting the nothing she wants.

If OP cant communicate her boundaries and expectations to family, that’s an OP problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why MIL can't be celebrated on Friday-Saturday and a mom cannot get ONE day of what SHE wants on Sunday. It is a compromise.

There are lot of triggered MILs on this thread, defending their positions to the bitter end.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He really can't win with you, can he?

It's his mother. I don't think his impulse to want to allow her to stay Saturday night and take her to brunch or whatever on Sunday is that bad. He already said you could do your own thing (nothing), so take him at his word.

Do you know her personally to say who wins with who in that relationship? Or are you just piling on the woman based on one post?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not reading all the replies blaming OP because I agree with her. No plans means no plans and no guests and they are already seeing the MIL for two days before. Team OP. We too are doing “nothing” OP, and my DH is thankful I’m not demanding some big fete but also knows that nothing means nothing.

Why is OP forcing everyone to do nothing. If she wants to do nothing, that's fine. Her husband and the kids don't want to stay bored doing nothing, they can make their own plans and do something. OP can stay and do nothing. Nobody is asking her to do anything.

Because she was asked what she wanted and told them. To be home and relaxing with family with no plans. Her DH is ignoring her wishes on Mothers Day.

DH can celebrate his mom Saturday.

If this were me, I'd be pissed. And use the time to get a nice expensive Korean facial, scalp treatment, and a mani/pedi. You wanna ignore me? Fine. I'll handle it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not reading all the replies blaming OP because I agree with her. No plans means no plans and no guests and they are already seeing the MIL for two days before. Team OP. We too are doing “nothing” OP, and my DH is thankful I’m not demanding some big fete but also knows that nothing means nothing.

Why is OP forcing everyone to do nothing. If she wants to do nothing, that's fine. Her husband and the kids don't want to stay bored doing nothing, they can make their own plans and do something. OP can stay and do nothing. Nobody is asking her to do anything.

Because she was asked what she wanted and told them. To be home and relaxing with family with no plans. Her DH is ignoring her wishes on Mothers Day.

DH can celebrate his mom Saturday.

If this were me, I'd be pissed. And use the time to get a nice expensive Korean facial, scalp treatment, and a mani/pedi. You wanna ignore me? Fine. I'll handle it.

She said she wanted nothing. She didn’t even say she wanted to relax with the family. Why can’t DH plan something with the kids and his Mom, while she does nothing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not reading all the replies blaming OP because I agree with her. No plans means no plans and no guests and they are already seeing the MIL for two days before. Team OP. We too are doing “nothing” OP, and my DH is thankful I’m not demanding some big fete but also knows that nothing means nothing.

Why is OP forcing everyone to do nothing. If she wants to do nothing, that's fine. Her husband and the kids don't want to stay bored doing nothing, they can make their own plans and do something. OP can stay and do nothing. Nobody is asking her to do anything.

Because she was asked what she wanted and told them. To be home and relaxing with family with no plans. Her DH is ignoring her wishes on Mothers Day.

DH can celebrate his mom Saturday.

If this were me, I'd be pissed. And use the time to get a nice expensive Korean facial, scalp treatment, and a mani/pedi. You wanna ignore me? Fine. I'll handle it.

She said she wanted nothing. She didn’t even say she wanted to relax with the family. Why can’t DH plan something with the kids and his Mom, while she does nothing?

Right? He's probably like fine, do your nothing, and I'll visit with my mom. Did she really mean that she would do nothing and he would also have to do nothing along side her? Seems a tad controlling.

[Anonymous]

He understood you.