Mother's Day: Am I the a@@hole?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH keeps asking what I want to do for mother's day, and I've told him - nothing. A day with no plans. The kids actually have no sports and we have nothing on our calendar, which is so rare. I want to do nothing. Maybe go for a walk or binge-watch something. That is it. He seemed put out that we had "nothing" on our calendar, like somehow I am letting him down.

Meanwhile, his mother is coming to visit on Friday-Saturday. She's very nice. It's no problem. She lives an hour away, so she will stay over Friday and come to some of our kids' games on Saturday, followed by an early dinner. Then, I presumed, she would go home.

Now my husband is put out that she isn't going to stay over Saturday as well, because it would be "easier" for her to stay over Saturday into Sunday as well. I am livid. He asked me what I wanted. I told him - NOTHING. No guests, no plans, no nothing. He told me he can't understand why having his mother there is any sort of extra imposition and I could "just do what I wanted" anyway...Which is not how it works with a MIL as a houseguest even if she is nice.

We're also seeing her the very next weekend for a graduation party.

My mom is deceased.

Am I a horrible person for wanting one day without plans? I feel like he asked what I wanted, I expressed it clearly, and he somehow undermined or disregarded it. I am mad.

He’s a dik

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op it’s a MOTHER’S DAY NOT A WIFE’S DAY.
Your husband has a mother to Celebrate your kids could do something to celebrate for you you are their mother but, NOT your husband. Your husband has to celebrate HIS MOTHER. No the mother of his children.

Great. So she’ll lift not one finger to do anything for him on Fathers Day.

He'll probably be relieved, as it frees him up to go golfing or drink beer in the garage.

Nope. He’ll be watching the kids. No reason for her to make his life any easier on Fathers Day. She’ll probably have plans with friends, since she doesn’t need to plan anything with him.

That's okay as well. He believed she never wanted to do anything. If she decides to hang out with her friends on Father's Day, he'll be happy too since she won't be around to make the family stay home and do nothing. He's a wonderful dad, and his kids really love him. He can take them to an amusement park for some fun.

And what would be truly appalling is he might genuinely have a good time in the amusement park with the kids, seeing the kids have fun and eat cotton candy, rather than view the event properly--as a torturous obligation of parentage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He really can't win with you, can he?

It's his mother. I don't think his impulse to want to allow her to stay Saturday night and take her to brunch or whatever on Sunday is that bad. He already said you could do your own thing (nothing), so take him at his word.

I don't understand this comment.

Which part? the comment seems pretty clear and straight forward

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH keeps asking what I want to do for mother's day, and I've told him - nothing. A day with no plans. The kids actually have no sports and we have nothing on our calendar, which is so rare. I want to do nothing. Maybe go for a walk or binge-watch something. That is it. He seemed put out that we had "nothing" on our calendar, like somehow I am letting him down.

Meanwhile, his mother is coming to visit on Friday-Saturday. She's very nice. It's no problem. She lives an hour away, so she will stay over Friday and come to some of our kids' games on Saturday, followed by an early dinner. Then, I presumed, she would go home.

Now my husband is put out that she isn't going to stay over Saturday as well, because it would be "easier" for her to stay over Saturday into Sunday as well. I am livid. He asked me what I wanted. I told him - NOTHING. No guests, no plans, no nothing. He told me he can't understand why having his mother there is any sort of extra imposition and I could "just do what I wanted" anyway...Which is not how it works with a MIL as a houseguest even if she is nice.

We're also seeing her the very next weekend for a graduation party.

My mom is deceased.

Am I a horrible person for wanting one day without plans? I feel like he asked what I wanted, I expressed it clearly, and he somehow undermined or disregarded it. I am mad.

You sound reasonable and low maintenance in the beginning but that took a quick wrong turn. Yes, I do believe you are being an a$$.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He really can't win with you, can he?

It's his mother. I don't think his impulse to want to allow her to stay Saturday night and take her to brunch or whatever on Sunday is that bad. He already said you could do your own thing (nothing), so take him at his word.

This! As most people in the DMV are military f.*** you. When you have no family and deployed here it’s rough. This is why your Husband will cheat and I’m happy to do it with your husband. Ungrateful mother

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He really can't win with you, can he?

It's his mother. I don't think his impulse to want to allow her to stay Saturday night and take her to brunch or whatever on Sunday is that bad. He already said you could do your own thing (nothing), so take him at his word.

This! As most people in the DMV are military f.*** you. When you have no family and deployed here it’s rough. This is why your Husband will cheat and I’m happy to do it with your husband. Ungrateful mother

Well that got weird fast

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:YTA. Listen to him for once, and let his mom come over on Mothers Day..

His mom can come over any other day except OP's mother's day. It is her day in her house. The DH is a douche for not understanding that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:YTA. Listen to him for once, and let his mom come over on Mothers Day..

His mom can come over any other day except OP's mother's day. It is her day in her house. The DH is a douche for not understanding that.

OP is such a toxic person. Feel sorry for the DH and her children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Or maybe your DH thinks the "nothing" is a trap and he's suppose to be able to read your mind to know that nothing really means breakfast in bed, your morning beverage just the way you like it, DH and kids cleaning the house from head to toe, and a surprise dinner.

I am the OP and can think of nothing worse than breakfast in bed!

"YATA
No pleasing you".

Breakfast in bed is only nice if some else is going to strip,wash the sheets and resheet the bed after all the food bits and spills.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, yes you are the a@@hole. You aren't your husband's mom, so he doesn't owe you anything on Mother's Day. But he does owe his mom something for that day. He has every right to spend Sunday with his mom on Mother's Day. That's what Mother's Day is really for. Let's not mix up Mother's Day with Wife's Day.

Then he should go hang out with his mom at her house, not foisted a guest on his wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:YTA. Listen to him for once, and let his mom come over on Mothers Day..

His mom can come over any other day except OP's mother's day. It is her day in her house. The DH is a douche for not understanding that.

OP is such a toxic person. Feel sorry for the DH and her children.

She wanted nothing on mother's day.
Instead of nothing, he gave her something -a houseguest to deal with.
It is not nothing. It is a task.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:YTA. Listen to him for once, and let his mom come over on Mothers Day..

His mom can come over any other day except OP's mother's day. It is her day in her house. The DH is a douche for not understanding that.

OP is such a toxic person. Feel sorry for the DH and her children.

She wanted nothing on mother's day.
Instead of nothing, he gave her something -a houseguest to deal with.
It is not nothing. It is a task.

No. It’s not a task. He isn’t asking her to host his mom. He can take care of his mom himself. She can do nothing as she wanted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He really can't win with you, can he?

It's his mother. I don't think his impulse to want to allow her to stay Saturday night and take her to brunch or whatever on Sunday is that bad. He already said you could do your own thing (nothing), so take him at his word.

I don't understand this comment.

OP's MIL is her husband's mother. Her husband wants HIS MOTHER to stay for mother's day. He's a keeper, OP. You're lucky to have him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He really can't win with you, can he?

It's his mother. I don't think his impulse to want to allow her to stay Saturday night and take her to brunch or whatever on Sunday is that bad. He already said you could do your own thing (nothing), so take him at his word.

I don't understand this comment.

OP's MIL is her husband's mother. Her husband wants HIS MOTHER to stay for mother's day. He's a keeper, OP. You're lucky to have him.

No he’s not. He’s an ass.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:YTA. Listen to him for once, and let his mom come over on Mothers Day..

His mom can come over any other day except OP's mother's day. It is her day in her house. The DH is a douche for not understanding that.

It's also her DH's mother's day -- for his mother. How is that so hard to comprehend? He loves his mother. Isn't that what you want for your own kids when they grow up?