Mother's Day: Am I the a@@hole?

[Anonymous]

Tell him, sure, his mom can stay an extra night. But you're going to give her a big hug on Saturday evening, say goodbye and tell her you're looking forward to seeing her again next week, and explain that for Mother's Day, you are seizing the rare opportunity to not have to get out of bed in a rush on Sunday.

Then he is going to get up, take his mom and the kids to brunch, come back and help her load her suitcase in the car, and send her on her way with a bouquet of flowers. Then he's going to come in, strip her bed, and wash/dry/fold/store the sheets and towels.

After/during which the laundry festival, he can take the kids out again. You will be on the sofa with the remote.

[Anonymous]

Which is not how it works

It is how it works, if you decide how it works and manage expectations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:YTA. Listen to him for once, and let his mom come over on Mothers Day..

for once? huh?

Yes, I listen to my DH.

Do you let him boss you around?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is more an overall comment but that a holiday that is meant to bring families together in honor of their mothers is more times than not the source of such unhappiness.

NP. I am usually a really happy person and genuinely like both my mom and MIL. Mother's Day genuinely makes me feel like shit. I can't win. I either haven't done enough for our moms or I feel completely overwhelmed with how much I have to do.

Mother's Day was great until I had kids, and then it turned into grandmas wanting to spend the day with grandkids. That's all both of them want for mother's day. I love being a mom, but mother's day stretches me thin.

[Anonymous]

I understand you, OP. Having similar mother’s day experiences.

[Anonymous]

Hug to all the mothers who have lost a mother and have a MIL (no matter how nice they are.) Stirs up all kinds of emotions.

[Anonymous]

Men don't understand "nothing". You need to be explicit in what you want. You want, no guests, no plans, for him to handle all meals with kids so YOU can do whatever you want which can be laying in bed until 10, walking or gardening and hindering a show without anyone bothering you. Specific things that he still needs to do to accomplish your desired day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Or maybe your DH thinks the "nothing" is a trap and he's suppose to be able to read your mind to know that nothing really means breakfast in bed, your morning beverage just the way you like it, DH and kids cleaning the house from head to toe, and a surprise dinner.

I am the OP and can think of nothing worse than breakfast in bed!

Oh it’s the best!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think there is a disconnect because your dh doesn't get that his mom = a guest you are hosting and requires work. My own mil feels like that to me and I would feel how you do. If it were my mom, totally different story because she is so low key and easy and it's my mom.

Now you can try and see if you could be a "non-hostess" and how that would work: wake up when you want, do not make her breakfast, go out for a walk or errands or whatever. I know that would NOT work with my own mil. If your mil is relaxed and not easily insulted as mine is, it could.

Just curious, why wouldn’t it work?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:YTA. Listen to him for once, and let his mom come over on Mothers Day..

for once? huh?

Yes, I listen to my DH.

Do you let him boss you around?

Sometimes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Or maybe your DH thinks the "nothing" is a trap and he's suppose to be able to read your mind to know that nothing really means breakfast in bed, your morning beverage just the way you like it, DH and kids cleaning the house from head to toe, and a surprise dinner.

I am the OP and can think of nothing worse than breakfast in bed!

Oh it’s the best!!

Agreed. I'm obsessed with it too. And the kids come snuggle and hand me their cute little cards!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He really can't win with you, can he?

It's his mother. I don't think his impulse to want to allow her to stay Saturday night and take her to brunch or whatever on Sunday is that bad. He already said you could do your own thing (nothing), so take him at his word.

I don't understand this comment.

I’m sorry you are a little slow. Read it again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Or maybe your DH thinks the "nothing" is a trap and he's suppose to be able to read your mind to know that nothing really means breakfast in bed, your morning beverage just the way you like it, DH and kids cleaning the house from head to toe, and a surprise dinner.

I am the OP and can think of nothing worse than breakfast in bed!

You sound difficult and unpleasant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell him, sure, his mom can stay an extra night. But you're going to give her a big hug on Saturday evening, say goodbye and tell her you're looking forward to seeing her again next week, and explain that for Mother's Day, you are seizing the rare opportunity to not have to get out of bed in a rush on Sunday.

Then he is going to get up, take his mom and the kids to brunch, come back and help her load her suitcase in the car, and send her on her way with a bouquet of flowers. Then he's going to come in, strip her bed, and wash/dry/fold/store the sheets and towels.

After/during which the laundry festival, he can take the kids out again. You will be on the sofa with the remote.

This exactly. It will work out fine. Most men I know who do something like this

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell him, sure, his mom can stay an extra night. But you're going to give her a big hug on Saturday evening, say goodbye and tell her you're looking forward to seeing her again next week, and explain that for Mother's Day, you are seizing the rare opportunity to not have to get out of bed in a rush on Sunday.

Then he is going to get up, take his mom and the kids to brunch, come back and help her load her suitcase in the car, and send her on her way with a bouquet of flowers. Then he's going to come in, strip her bed, and wash/dry/fold/store the sheets and towels.

After/during which the laundry festival, he can take the kids out again. You will be on the sofa with the remote.

No way. Most men wouldn't lift a finger and then their wife would be forced to entertain the guest. MIL, however delightful she is, cannot stay over til Sunday.