Son only cousin excluded from nephew's wedding

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hope my kids elope for this very reason. I come from a very large family. If everyone is not invited I think it hurts peoples feelings. Gone are the days when everyone was invited. Plus the stress and money are truly not worth it. It's ONE day.

Agreed. Elopment or something simple and intimate. We are Asians and 500 guests is a common number for even middle class which dilutes whole experience.

Yes. People don't understand how big of a wedding we're talking about. Don't you love it when people just assume stuff. Haha.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Slightly off-topic but your poor sister. Imagine not being able to afford sending your kid to college, accepting help from your sibling to do so, and then your kid treats the sibling like a B list invite. She must be so embarrassed.

I didn't read it that way- he's not on the B list, he isn't invited because he's under 16. No need to make it any bigger than that.

[Anonymous]

OP, I think you should simply decline and leave it at that. Don't go. Leave it to your nephew or his parents to follow-up with you. If you don't hear from them, then you know where you rate as a family member. If your sibling (or your DH's sibling) reaches out to ask why just say, Larlo apparently wasn't invited. We can't leave him home alone obviously and I have no interest in figuring a childcare solution away from home. Leave it at that.

[Anonymous]

I personally think the obsession these days with "no child" weddings to be ridiculous and the height of curated crap. I went to a wedding over Christmas that did invite children and it honestly made it feel so joyful and fun. To each his own, but I think it's shortsighted and stupid. And just wait until those "no children" brides pop out a couple of kids and see how it feels. It's fine if a family chooses to leave the kids at home (so the married couple can have a childfree night) but to be forced to exclude the kids is just sad IMO.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The people saying you’re overreacting are wrong.

However, I don’t think you should go no contact. Simply RSVP no and buy something cheap from the registry as a gift.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I personally think the obsession these days with "no child" weddings to be ridiculous and the height of curated crap. I went to a wedding over Christmas that did invite children and it honestly made it feel so joyful and fun. To each his own, but I think it's shortsighted and stupid. And just wait until those "no children" brides pop out a couple of kids and see how it feels. It's fine if a family chooses to leave the kids at home (so the married couple can have a childfree night) but to be forced to exclude the kids is just sad IMO.

This is a weird take. I had no problem with 'no-child' weddings when my kids were little. One I went to alone and dh stayed home with the kids, and the other we hired a babysitter. I also enjoyed weddings where kids were invited.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think you should simply decline and leave it at that. Don't go. Leave it to your nephew or his parents to follow-up with you. If you don't hear from them, then you know where you rate as a family member. If your sibling (or your DH's sibling) reaches out to ask why just say, Larlo apparently wasn't invited. We can't leave him home alone obviously and I have no interest in figuring a childcare solution away from home. Leave it at that.

But Larlo is invited to the reception. The ceremony is no place to catch up with older cousins.

[Anonymous]

OP is the worst type of gift giver. Holding it over heads to make other people's weddings about your rugrat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think you should simply decline and leave it at that. Don't go. Leave it to your nephew or his parents to follow-up with you. If you don't hear from them, then you know where you rate as a family member. If your sibling (or your DH's sibling) reaches out to ask why just say, Larlo apparently wasn't invited. We can't leave him home alone obviously and I have no interest in figuring a childcare solution away from home. Leave it at that.

But Larlo is invited to the reception. The ceremony is no place to catch up with older cousins.

Did OP say her son was invited to the reception. Where did she say that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Slightly off-topic but your poor sister. Imagine not being able to afford sending your kid to college, accepting help from your sibling to do so, and then your kid treats the sibling like a B list invite. She must be so embarrassed.

+1.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP is the worst type of gift giver. Holding it over heads to make other people's weddings about your rugrat.

You're probably the family leech, always with your hand out and waiting for someone else to reach for the check.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think you should simply decline and leave it at that. Don't go. Leave it to your nephew or his parents to follow-up with you. If you don't hear from them, then you know where you rate as a family member. If your sibling (or your DH's sibling) reaches out to ask why just say, Larlo apparently wasn't invited. We can't leave him home alone obviously and I have no interest in figuring a childcare solution away from home. Leave it at that.

But Larlo is invited to the reception. The ceremony is no place to catch up with older cousins.

Op here - no - my son is not invited at all.

[Anonymous]

OP, when you sibling inevitably calls for damage control after you decline, get ready to hear "sorry, our soon to be DIL is calling the shots on the invite list." You be ready to say, "I hope that isn't an indication that nephew's wants and needs are going to take a backseat in this marriage. Hopefully it'll be a partnership and they'll make decisions together."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We had this situation -
Call your nephew and just say - we got the invitation and wanted to see if there is any wiggle room with the invite.
I know it is not within the guidelines of Emily post - but we are way past that.
You clearly have a close enough relationship where he was willing to ask and accept significant money for college so as uncomfortable as it is - just do it.

Hey John, we were excited to receive the wedding invitation but disappointed that _______ was not invited. As you know, we need to fly in for the wedding and was looking forward to connecting with everyone. Is there any flexibility to including ____ in the event? We know you are juggling a lot of demands when creating guest lists - but would appreciate your consideration given the special relationship we have.

I agree with a lot here, and an earlier post that this decision was likely driven by the bride (and almost certainly with specific children in mind). The fact that there is a clear out for them here as to why they would make an exception for one kid (he's a cousin! and the only one they're doing this for) makes this an easier ask. That said...does your 9 year old really want to go to a wedding where there are no kids his age? As someone that was much younger than most of my cousins, I was never accepted into their circles...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I personally think the obsession these days with "no child" weddings to be ridiculous and the height of curated crap. I went to a wedding over Christmas that did invite children and it honestly made it feel so joyful and fun. To each his own, but I think it's shortsighted and stupid. And just wait until those "no children" brides pop out a couple of kids and see how it feels. It's fine if a family chooses to leave the kids at home (so the married couple can have a childfree night) but to be forced to exclude the kids is just sad IMO.

In my experience (having been on all sides of this debate) - the most obnoxious "no children" brides are the WORST when their children aren't invited.

And then proceed to have "no children" weddings for their kids.

- someone who welcomed kids at our wedding and is only annoyed about the logistics of an out-of-town-no-kid wedding because we don't have easy overnight care for our kids