Son only cousin excluded from nephew's wedding

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:IMO it takes a petty person to jump to offense. There could be so many reasons this is a childfree wedding, and I guarantee that singling our your son specifically is NOT the reason. This isn't about you and your family.

Don't jump to offense.

If you're so close to the nephew, send anote saying "Chad, we are so happy for you and would love to come, but we aren't able to leave Larlo behind." He will either offer or not. THEN you can be offended if you must be.

I wonder what the OP will say if her kid is invited— but is bored to death because he’s the only kid. I wonder what the OP will say if they invite her kid — and then feel pressed to invite the 25 other kids of the couple’s friends and on the bride’s side of the family — and due to the extra expenses and anticipated tastes of the guests scale down to a less expensive menu that prioritizes things like chicken nuggets and dipping sauces.
I wonder what the OP will say when she gets a very nice thank you note for her gift from the bride who’s never met the OP, knows nothing about the long ago gifts of money to the groom, and doesn’t realize the intent behind the gift. Ok, enough wondering for a Saturday.

My bet is this pair doesn’t write thank you notes

Based on what? The only thing that you / really know about them is that they’re planning an adult’s only wedding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If there is a no kids wedding, adding one 9 year old that people wonder about causes more hassle than never seeing OP and their $$$ again.

How do they know she's going to be so vindictive? It wasn't a decision that was personal to her. They invited her to come and would probably be happy to see her believing they have a close relationship. It doesn't mean they don't like her son. His not going doesn't mean he won't be close with cousins. All of this is just made up narrative to fuel anger.

Yeah, no.

It’s perfectly fine for the couple to have a no kids wedding. However, they can’t expect attendance or huge cash gifts from relatives with kids.

The aunt isn’t vindictive because she won’t attend or send a bucket of cash. A nice $200 gift is all that good manners requires.

The aunt isn’t vindictive because she won’t send a bucket of cash — she’s vindictive because she felt compelled to say how much more she would have spent if the wedding plans had been as she wished. She could have left that part out, but she chose not to.

Eh whatever- no one has to know. Paying for college doesn't necessarily mean you will get a similar sized wedding gift anyway and if nephew expects that, that is his problem. A few hundred dollars and a nice card is perfectly fine.

I agree with the suggestion to reach out to nephew personally saying why you can't attend. No asking for favors or anything, but if you are that close to him surely you can be upfront that you simply don't have viable childcare options for your 9yo and won't be able to attend.

[Anonymous]

My niece got married and my daughters were the only cousins not invited in a large family because they were under 18 (ages 13 and 15). It's my husband's family so he went on his own and I stayed home with my kids (it was an out of town wedding). And no, I wasn't going to spend money on plane tickets for my daughters could sit in a hotel.

The irony was that my SIL lobbied for this niece to stand up in our wedding as a flower girl when she was 8, but suddenly kids at a wedding was a bad thing when she got married.

I never said a word to the bride about it but I found it to be very hurtful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son is 9. He has several cousins scattered around the country, with three living in Texas. My oldest nephew, who I am closest to, is getting married in June. The wedding is 16+. All the other cousins will be able to attend, except my son. I have given this nephew a lot of financial support and gifts in the past - probably 15k over the last ten years. Now, I don't even want to go to the wedding because my kid is the only one from my nephew's side of the family being excluded. Plus, if we travel for the wedding, we would have to find a sitter in a city far from home while everyone we know in the city is at the wedding.

I may be more sensitive to this because my son is an only child and I had hoped he would have strong ties with his cousins, though they are all a bit older than him. But now I want to just cut go no-contact with this nephew.

Am I overreacting? Should we go to the wedding and pretend we aren't offended? Should the value of the wedding gift reflect how upset I am?

Presumably, the couple know the age of your son a in d chose not to make an exception. Accept or don't attend. Also, throwing up what you have done for someone and then expecting special treatment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My niece got married and my daughters were the only cousins not invited in a large family because they were under 18 (ages 13 and 15). It's my husband's family so he went on his own and I stayed home with my kids (it was an out of town wedding). And no, I wasn't going to spend money on plane tickets for my daughters could sit in a hotel.

The irony was that my SIL lobbied for this niece to stand up in our wedding as a flower girl when she was 8, but suddenly kids at a wedding was a bad thing when she got married.

I never said a word to the bride about it but I found it to be very hurtful.

Holding a grudge — decades later — against someone for her mother’s behavior? How is this wedding in any way “sudden” if the 8 year old is now old enough to be getting married? I get why you might have been disappointed, but to pat yourself on the back for keeping quiet with the bride — because her mother wanted something when the bride was 8 years old is kind of off, at best.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My niece got married and my daughters were the only cousins not invited in a large family because they were under 18 (ages 13 and 15). It's my husband's family so he went on his own and I stayed home with my kids (it was an out of town wedding). And no, I wasn't going to spend money on plane tickets for my daughters could sit in a hotel.

The irony was that my SIL lobbied for this niece to stand up in our wedding as a flower girl when she was 8, but suddenly kids at a wedding was a bad thing when she got married.

I never said a word to the bride about it but I found it to be very hurtful.

Holding a grudge — decades later — against someone for her mother’s behavior? How is this wedding in any way “sudden” if the 8 year old is now old enough to be getting married? I get why you might have been disappointed, but to pat yourself on the back for keeping quiet with the bride — because her mother wanted something when the bride was 8 years old is kind of off, at best.

I get where the PP is coming from. I would probably have written a warm letter to niece reminiscing about her being a flower girl in my wedding and here she is all grown up, and sent that with the RSVP. I come from a culture that really elevates pettiness and passive aggression. I’ve mostly gotten away from it but sometimes the door is just open SO wide.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My niece got married and my daughters were the only cousins not invited in a large family because they were under 18 (ages 13 and 15). It's my husband's family so he went on his own and I stayed home with my kids (it was an out of town wedding). And no, I wasn't going to spend money on plane tickets for my daughters could sit in a hotel.

The irony was that my SIL lobbied for this niece to stand up in our wedding as a flower girl when she was 8, but suddenly kids at a wedding was a bad thing when she got married.

I never said a word to the bride about it but I found it to be very hurtful.

Holding a grudge — decades later — against someone for her mother’s behavior? How is this wedding in any way “sudden” if the 8 year old is now old enough to be getting married? I get why you might have been disappointed, but to pat yourself on the back for keeping quiet with the bride — because her mother wanted something when the bride was 8 years old is kind of off, at best.

Impressive at how completely you missed the point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My niece got married and my daughters were the only cousins not invited in a large family because they were under 18 (ages 13 and 15). It's my husband's family so he went on his own and I stayed home with my kids (it was an out of town wedding). And no, I wasn't going to spend money on plane tickets for my daughters could sit in a hotel.

The irony was that my SIL lobbied for this niece to stand up in our wedding as a flower girl when she was 8, but suddenly kids at a wedding was a bad thing when she got married.

I never said a word to the bride about it but I found it to be very hurtful.

Holding a grudge — decades later — against someone for her mother’s behavior? How is this wedding in any way “sudden” if the 8 year old is now old enough to be getting married? I get why you might have been disappointed, but to pat yourself on the back for keeping quiet with the bride — because her mother wanted something when the bride was 8 years old is kind of off, at best.

Impressive at how completely you missed the point.

What do you think the point is? Are you the PP who wrote that post?
The SIL did the lobbying. The bride might not even remember the event.
The PP might connect all of those things with her kids not being invited. The bride — who was 8 at the time of the “ironic” moment probably won’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My niece got married and my daughters were the only cousins not invited in a large family because they were under 18 (ages 13 and 15). It's my husband's family so he went on his own and I stayed home with my kids (it was an out of town wedding). And no, I wasn't going to spend money on plane tickets for my daughters could sit in a hotel.

The irony was that my SIL lobbied for this niece to stand up in our wedding as a flower girl when she was 8, but suddenly kids at a wedding was a bad thing when she got married.

I never said a word to the bride about it but I found it to be very hurtful.

Holding a grudge — decades later — against someone for her mother’s behavior? How is this wedding in any way “sudden” if the 8 year old is now old enough to be getting married? I get why you might have been disappointed, but to pat yourself on the back for keeping quiet with the bride — because her mother wanted something when the bride was 8 years old is kind of off, at best.

Impressive at how completely you missed the point.

Maybe the 8 yr old hated the wedding and didn't want to subject young cousins to the torture of a boring adult affair she had to endure.

[Anonymous]

This happened to us. We didn’t go and didn’t send a gift either. We are the wealthiest relatives they have too, so we know it stung. 🤷🏼‍♀️

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This happened to us. We didn’t go and didn’t send a gift either. We are the wealthiest relatives they have too, so we know it stung. 🤷🏼‍♀️

You don’t know that. Could have been the extra cost to invite all the kids, including yours, negated whatever financial gift you would have given. If they aren’t as well off why would you want them to blow their budget just to make sure your kids any many others? Not a very kind relative.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, if you want to increase the chances of your child having a good relationship with the cousins and rest of the family, here is what you do:

Go to the party. Have a great time. Smile. Say congratulations and best wishes. Do not say a WORD about your son being excluded.

Leave DH and son at home or son with a babysitter or DH and son come with you but do something else fun in town that night. Stay at the wedding hotel and maybe your son will hang with family casually. Explain matter of factly to son that sometimes at weddings kids are not invited and it's nothing personal.

Nope. After everything that OP has done for the nephew, she does not have a good relationship. Which means that it is fruitless to be nice to them. Skip the wedding, skip the gift. Send regrets.

That's it. Maybe the better class of relatives will get the message and treat OP well going forward. But if they all are trailer trash kind of people, she does not need to have a realtionship with them for the sake of her kid. She is better off just saving all that money for her own child.

You sound like you wouldn't be any fun at a wedding anyway. Please, do, stay home. Nobody cares about some random aunty and her brat this much.

Actually, we get invited to more weddings each year than the total number of weddings you will attend in your own lifetime - including your own and your parents. So, stfu and go back to your basement. Such a dysfunctional and trashy family culture!

Do you have any idea how pathetic and sad you look lying to strangers about the number of weddings youre invited to?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My niece got married and my daughters were the only cousins not invited in a large family because they were under 18 (ages 13 and 15). It's my husband's family so he went on his own and I stayed home with my kids (it was an out of town wedding). And no, I wasn't going to spend money on plane tickets for my daughters could sit in a hotel.

The irony was that my SIL lobbied for this niece to stand up in our wedding as a flower girl when she was 8, but suddenly kids at a wedding was a bad thing when she got married.

I never said a word to the bride about it but I found it to be very hurtful.

Holding a grudge — decades later — against someone for her mother’s behavior? How is this wedding in any way “sudden” if the 8 year old is now old enough to be getting married? I get why you might have been disappointed, but to pat yourself on the back for keeping quiet with the bride — because her mother wanted something when the bride was 8 years old is kind of off, at best.

Impressive at how completely you missed the point.

I’ve never met a girl in this age range who was not thrilled to be a flower girl
Maybe the 8 yr old hated the wedding and didn't want to subject young cousins to the torture of a boring adult affair she had to endure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My niece got married and my daughters were the only cousins not invited in a large family because they were under 18 (ages 13 and 15). It's my husband's family so he went on his own and I stayed home with my kids (it was an out of town wedding). And no, I wasn't going to spend money on plane tickets for my daughters could sit in a hotel.

The irony was that my SIL lobbied for this niece to stand up in our wedding as a flower girl when she was 8, but suddenly kids at a wedding was a bad thing when she got married.

I never said a word to the bride about it but I found it to be very hurtful.

Holding a grudge — decades later — against someone for her mother’s behavior? How is this wedding in any way “sudden” if the 8 year old is now old enough to be getting married? I get why you might have been disappointed, but to pat yourself on the back for keeping quiet with the bride — because her mother wanted something when the bride was 8 years old is kind of off, at best.

Impressive at how completely you missed the point.

I’ve never met a girl in this age range who was not thrilled to be a flower girl
Maybe the 8 yr old hated the wedding and didn't want to subject young cousins to the torture of a boring adult affair she had to endure.

Yet that has nothing to do with these people since we have no way of knowing. You would be surprised to know not all girls want to get dressed up in a frilly dress and parade down an aisle in front of a lot of people.

[Anonymous]

I just started the other adult only wedding. Our wedding is on an island in Europe. Everyone has kids. In our situation, no kids are invited. Sounds like same as yours.