Son only cousin excluded from nephew's wedding

[Anonymous]

My son is 9. He has several cousins scattered around the country, with three living in Texas. My oldest nephew, who I am closest to, is getting married in June. The wedding is 16+. All the other cousins will be able to attend, except my son. I have given this nephew a lot of financial support and gifts in the past - probably 15k over the last ten years. Now, I don't even want to go to the wedding because my kid is the only one from my nephew's side of the family being excluded. Plus, if we travel for the wedding, we would have to find a sitter in a city far from home while everyone we know in the city is at the wedding.

I may be more sensitive to this because my son is an only child and I had hoped he would have strong ties with his cousins, though they are all a bit older than him. But now I want to just cut go no-contact with this nephew.

Am I overreacting? Should we go to the wedding and pretend we aren't offended? Should the value of the wedding gift reflect how upset I am?

[Anonymous]

Don’t go. You will ruin the day and you plan to never talk to cousin again anyway. Easy peasy.

[Anonymous]

Yeah the fact that he made it hard for you to attend despite your financial support is ridiculous. He's allowed to make his wedding child free but a natural consequence is people with kids won't be able to attend.

[Anonymous]

Just don’t go. Don’t go no contact, that is a crazy overreaction. Just get them a crappy present and move on. Nothing here worth getting so upset about. People can choose whatever kind of wedding they want. It isn’t about you.

[Anonymous]

Meh. You’re keeping track of the value of gifts and “financial support” you’ve been giving the groom over the years? Not only kinda petty but irrelevant.

[Anonymous]

I'd also not go.

[Anonymous]

Your feelings are understandable. But I promise you this has nothing to do with your son - 100% this is driven by the bride, overall guest count and a gaggle of kids she's trying to tactfully exclude. So she chose 16 as the cutoff. My own 9 yr old would have been fine to stay with a good friend for a night or two. But if you're not comfortable with your babysitting options then you go alone or not at all. Then move past this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Meh. You’re keeping track of the value of gifts and “financial support” you’ve been giving the groom over the years? Not only kinda petty but irrelevant.

Well, the money wasn't irrelevant to him. It helped him pay for college. And it doesn't require a ton of keeping track as three items were large checks that could quickly be totaled in my head.

[Anonymous]

Wait though how old is the next oldest cousin (who was presumably invited)? Some people dont want weddings to be a kid event. This isnt about you at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Meh. You’re keeping track of the value of gifts and “financial support” you’ve been giving the groom over the years? Not only kinda petty but irrelevant.

Well, the money wasn't irrelevant to him. It helped him pay for college. And it doesn't require a ton of keeping track as three items were large checks that could quickly be totaled in my head.

$15000 over 15 years is a pittance.

[Anonymous]

Why would you need a sitter? 9 year olds can stay in locked hotel rooms, eat pizza and watch movies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your feelings are understandable. But I promise you this has nothing to do with your son - 100% this is driven by the bride, overall guest count and a gaggle of kids she's trying to tactfully exclude. So she chose 16 as the cutoff. My own 9 yr old would have been fine to stay with a good friend for a night or two. But if you're not comfortable with your babysitting options then you go alone or not at all. Then move past this.

Look, my cousin had to face an age cut off for her wedding, it was based on the venue requiring extra insurance for an event that combined alcohol + kids. I've helped this cousin out in the past (she lived with me for an internship in college).

She called me and explained the situation and recommended a babysitter locally that a friend used.

That's how you handle that kind of thing if you truly want someone at a wedding and are in a bind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Meh. You’re keeping track of the value of gifts and “financial support” you’ve been giving the groom over the years? Not only kinda petty but irrelevant.

I agree with this part.

Don't go if you don't want to go. But don't read the 16+ rule as a personal attack. You could ask a parent of the groom their thoughts (your sister or your brother), or simply decline politely.

A married person, in my opinion, does not need "financial support" from a non-parent at this point. So this is a good opportunity for you to stop keeping track of all those gifts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Meh. You’re keeping track of the value of gifts and “financial support” you’ve been giving the groom over the years? Not only kinda petty but irrelevant.

Well, the money wasn't irrelevant to him. It helped him pay for college. And it doesn't require a ton of keeping track as three items were large checks that could quickly be totaled in my head.

$15000 over 15 years is a pittance.

Lol no. Nephew should have stood up for his generous aunt.

[Anonymous]

You’re being overly sensitive. This has nothing to do with you specifically or your son. The couple have lots on their mind and want their wedding to be adults only. If they make an exception for your son because they like him best, or because he’s an only child, or because you helped the groom financially, they open themselves up to all the other pissed parents who got a babysitter or made other arrangements.

Take a breath and try to remember you’re not the center of the world.