Son only cousin excluded from nephew's wedding

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I personally think the obsession these days with "no child" weddings to be ridiculous and the height of curated crap. I went to a wedding over Christmas that did invite children and it honestly made it feel so joyful and fun. To each his own, but I think it's shortsighted and stupid. And just wait until those "no children" brides pop out a couple of kids and see how it feels. It's fine if a family chooses to leave the kids at home (so the married couple can have a childfree night) but to be forced to exclude the kids is just sad IMO.

But your personal opinion doesn’t mean it’s a statement of fact.

There are also many people who find the current obsession of children and babies being included in every possible social situation as ridiculous. Many of said people have kids so it’s not about forgetting what it’s like, or being selfishly past that stage of life.

Sometimes it’s just nice to go to a formal adult function without children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Slightly off-topic but your poor sister. Imagine not being able to afford sending your kid to college, accepting help from your sibling to do so, and then your kid treats the sibling like a B list invite. She must be so embarrassed.

I didn't read it that way- he's not on the B list, he isn't invited because he's under 16. No need to make it any bigger than that.

Yeah… if I had to accept help pay for my child’s college, I would make sure that child understood the need to be incredibly grateful. Even if that meant spending a whole $150 so a nine-year-old could attend the wedding.

I assume the new wife’s family doesn’t know the extent of the assistance OP provide provided, and her sister is trying to conceal that fact. Because if I knew someone had sent my husband to college, and therefore my household was starting out debt-free, you can bet I’d let their kid attend the wedding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why would you need a sitter? 9 year olds can stay in locked hotel rooms, eat pizza and watch movies.

Are you insane?

I wouldn’t cut him off op but I would also not attend and tell your sibling why.

[Anonymous]

I traveled from Seattle to Princeton NJ for my first cousin's wedding. We actually lived together as kids for a few years. My mother had money, his did not, so we took them in so we were more like brothers than cousins

I only learned we werent invited to the rehearsal dinner about 3 hours before it started.

So, my wife and I traveled 2386 miles, and three time zones, to literally sit in our hotel room while the dinner went on.

We went to the wedding the next day and took the first flight back the next morning. I sent them some towels and never spoke to them again. That was 2000.

They did reach out about 6 or 7 years ago asking if their son could stay with us while touring UW. I never answered him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I traveled from Seattle to Princeton NJ for my first cousin's wedding. We actually lived together as kids for a few years. My mother had money, his did not, so we took them in so we were more like brothers than cousins

I only learned we werent invited to the rehearsal dinner about 3 hours before it started.

So, my wife and I traveled 2386 miles, and three time zones, to literally sit in our hotel room while the dinner went on.

We went to the wedding the next day and took the first flight back the next morning. I sent them some towels and never spoke to them again. That was 2000.

They did reach out about 6 or 7 years ago asking if their son could stay with us while touring UW. I never answered him.

You expected to be invited to your cousin’s rehearsal dinner (even though you had no role in the wedding) because your mom had helped his mom out when you were young? Some of you really need to get some help for your pettiness and main character syndrome.

[Anonymous]

My cousin was getting married at this resort in the middle of nowhere once and was having a no kids wedding. Their website said the resort had babysitters and we inquired with the resort, it was going to be $400 for the sitter. So we declined. And then my aunt called my mom to complain about us not coming.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I traveled from Seattle to Princeton NJ for my first cousin's wedding. We actually lived together as kids for a few years. My mother had money, his did not, so we took them in so we were more like brothers than cousins

I only learned we werent invited to the rehearsal dinner about 3 hours before it started.

So, my wife and I traveled 2386 miles, and three time zones, to literally sit in our hotel room while the dinner went on.

We went to the wedding the next day and took the first flight back the next morning. I sent them some towels and never spoke to them again. That was 2000.

They did reach out about 6 or 7 years ago asking if their son could stay with us while touring UW. I never answered him.

You expected to be invited to your cousin’s rehearsal dinner (even though you had no role in the wedding) because your mom had helped his mom out when you were young? Some of you really need to get some help for your pettiness and main character syndrome.

Not PP, but I have usually been invited to rehearsal dinners when I have traveled far for the wedding.

[Anonymous]

I would decline the invitation with no mention of the reason why. They may not ask or care. I would give a typical gift amount, not cheap. You will save plenty of money by not attending.

Then move forward. You are offended by them not inviting your son and someone in the family will likely be offended by you not going. Follow the boundary set and don't complain.

[Anonymous]

16+ is more than “a bit older than” 9 years old. They don’t connect with your kid because he’s half their age and very much a young kid when they are basically all adults. If you stop being delusional about that, they might want you and him around more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I personally think the obsession these days with "no child" weddings to be ridiculous and the height of curated crap. I went to a wedding over Christmas that did invite children and it honestly made it feel so joyful and fun. To each his own, but I think it's shortsighted and stupid. And just wait until those "no children" brides pop out a couple of kids and see how it feels. It's fine if a family chooses to leave the kids at home (so the married couple can have a childfree night) but to be forced to exclude the kids is just sad IMO.

I didn’t have kids at my wedding because I didn’t want them, and I don’t feel any differently now that I have two kids. How about letting people decide what they want for their big day?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I understand why you're upset, but you're majorly overreacting.

You're centering yourself and your experience, which is natural, but they aren't! They're planning an event for probably 100-200 people. They decided no children. Maybe because that's the vibe they want, maybe because there are some children (of friends, of her family) that would be really poorly behaved, maybe as a cost cutting measure. There are many totally understandable reasons for not inviting kids, and making exceptions can create major problems for the couple. You're seeing it as one extra person - but it could easily mean 20 extra guests, between your family, her family, and their friends. It's not about you or your son!

I think that what this is really about is this:

"My son is an only child and I had hoped he would have strong ties with his cousins, though they are all a bit older than him."

The reason you're upset is that you've realized that hasn't happened. They don't have an amazing, special, sibling-like bond as you'd hoped. He's just... their much-younger cousin. And it's TOTALLY reasonable to be really, really disappointed about that, and for this wedding to be the catalyst that makes you realize that what you'd hoped for (despite your efforts and financial support) has not come to fruition. We all have hopes, some spoken, some unspoken, some realistic, some not, that don't come true. And accepting that they haven't can be really hard and can even sometimes shatter our worldview in a way that's really hard to move past. But, especially when your hopes include expectations of other people that they haven't agreed to, or maybe haven't even known about, you need to let go and move on. There's an aspect to getting past those hopes that can include anger and grief. And I think that's where you are. And if you need a little time to fully get past it, that's okay.

But during that time, don't do anything that you'll regret down the line, or anything hurtful toward people who haven't done anything wrong. Figure out, via pure logistics, what makes the most sense as far as the wedding (Son comes with and hangs in the hotel? Stays with a friend? You go and he stays home with his dad?), put on a happy face for the wedding, give a normal amount as a gift (no need to go overboard, especially if you're feeling stung, but don't be stingy).

+1

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I traveled from Seattle to Princeton NJ for my first cousin's wedding. We actually lived together as kids for a few years. My mother had money, his did not, so we took them in so we were more like brothers than cousins

I only learned we werent invited to the rehearsal dinner about 3 hours before it started.

So, my wife and I traveled 2386 miles, and three time zones, to literally sit in our hotel room while the dinner went on.

We went to the wedding the next day and took the first flight back the next morning. I sent them some towels and never spoke to them again. That was 2000.

They did reach out about 6 or 7 years ago asking if their son could stay with us while touring UW. I never answered him.

You expected to be invited to your cousin’s rehearsal dinner (even though you had no role in the wedding) because your mom had helped his mom out when you were young? Some of you really need to get some help for your pettiness and main character syndrome.

Not PP, but I have usually been invited to rehearsal dinners when I have traveled far for the wedding.

It would not even cross my mind that someone would be butt hurt about not being invited to the rehearsal dinner when, wait for it……they were not part of the rehearsal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I traveled from Seattle to Princeton NJ for my first cousin's wedding. We actually lived together as kids for a few years. My mother had money, his did not, so we took them in so we were more like brothers than cousins

I only learned we werent invited to the rehearsal dinner about 3 hours before it started.

So, my wife and I traveled 2386 miles, and three time zones, to literally sit in our hotel room while the dinner went on.

We went to the wedding the next day and took the first flight back the next morning. I sent them some towels and never spoke to them again. That was 2000.

They did reach out about 6 or 7 years ago asking if their son could stay with us while touring UW. I never answered him.

You sat and pouted in the hotel room instead of just grabbing dinner on your own? Sounds needlessly dramatic. I don't even think most men think about a rehearsal dinner and who would or would not be invited. You weren't even a groomsman, clearly not "just like brothers".

[Anonymous]

I think a lot of brides and grooms assume that kids don't want to attend weddings either. I know lots of little kids who would throw tantrums about having to attend a wedding and wear a suit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I personally think the obsession these days with "no child" weddings to be ridiculous and the height of curated crap. I went to a wedding over Christmas that did invite children and it honestly made it feel so joyful and fun. To each his own, but I think it's shortsighted and stupid. And just wait until those "no children" brides pop out a couple of kids and see how it feels. It's fine if a family chooses to leave the kids at home (so the married couple can have a childfree night) but to be forced to exclude the kids is just sad IMO.

Then they wail - "Where is my village??"