Son only cousin excluded from nephew's wedding

[Anonymous]

The people saying you’re overreacting are wrong.

However, I don’t think you should go no contact. Simply RSVP no and buy something cheap from the registry as a gift.

[Anonymous]

You’re allowed to feel how you feel and they are allowed to invite who they want. I will say though, going no contact seems like a big overreaction to me.

You’re not feeling celebratory so just don’t go.

[Anonymous]

PP back again.

The couple ostensibly don’t have children, right? So they also may be thinking of this as a great opportunity for the parents in their lives to go out without their kids. They don’t have the experience to realize this may be a hardship, especially if they know you have the financial means to get a sitter. Try to take a generous interpretation and you’ll have a happier life with stronger relationships

[Anonymous]

Just don't go if you don't want to. But the value of the wedding gift reflect how upset you are? That these are the thoughts going through your head? I think you need to take a beat; life is not tit for tat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your feelings are understandable. But I promise you this has nothing to do with your son - 100% this is driven by the bride, overall guest count and a gaggle of kids she's trying to tactfully exclude. So she chose 16 as the cutoff. My own 9 yr old would have been fine to stay with a good friend for a night or two. But if you're not comfortable with your babysitting options then you go alone or not at all. Then move past this.

+1. You're framing it as your son being the only nephew that's excluded, but I suspect it's really about not having room (or patience) for a whole bunch of kids. Many of their friends may have young kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP back again.

The couple ostensibly don’t have children, right? So they also may be thinking of this as a great opportunity for the parents in their lives to go out without their kids. They don’t have the experience to realize this may be a hardship, especially if they know you have the financial means to get a sitter. Try to take a generous interpretation and you’ll have a happier life with stronger relationships

Man do I find the "we want everyone to be able to cut loose" line after they ban kids a red flag.

Last wedding I went to where they said that, my cousin's college friends got extremely drunk, got into a fight, and one of them vomited in the middle of the floor. And these guys were pushing 40.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Meh. You’re keeping track of the value of gifts and “financial support” you’ve been giving the groom over the years? Not only kinda petty but irrelevant.

Well, the money wasn't irrelevant to him. It helped him pay for college. And it doesn't require a ton of keeping track as three items were large checks that could quickly be totaled in my head.

Except you gave that money as a gift, right? When you gave that gift, you had no intention of being reimbursed, right? Why does the gift have anything to do with the wedding?

Now putting the money to the side let’s talk about what you should or should not do. Instead of taking this as a personal slight, shift how you are viewing the situation. The couple made a choice, it’s highly doubtful they intended a personal slight to you or your child. Now you get to make a choice and it’s definitely a choice. Because your son is no longer invited, it doesn’t work for you to attend the wedding. And that’s ok. Send a gift and a card and wish them well.

Stop with the whole I’m not talking to them anymore. Just get over yourself and be happy for them. Maybe you will see them again, maybe you won’t.

[Anonymous]

Have you reached out to your nephew to see if he can make an exception for your son?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You’re being overly sensitive. This has nothing to do with you specifically or your son. The couple have lots on their mind and want their wedding to be adults only. If they make an exception for your son because they like him best, or because he’s an only child, or because you helped the groom financially, they open themselves up to all the other pissed parents who got a babysitter or made other arrangements.

Take a breath and try to remember you’re not the center of the world.

I agree with the above.

Here are some options you have.

1) You arrange young cousin get-togethers in the vicinity of the wedding during the pre- or post-wedding festivities.

2) You go to the wedding alone (DH and kid can remain at hotel room).

3) You work out with a relative someone to babysit the kid during the wedding so DH can go.

This is not directed at you.

My boys went to one wedding and didn't care to go to any others. I left my DH and kids at home and went to my first cousin's wedding alone. People don't even dance in couples much anymore. It is fine for you to go alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have you reached out to your nephew to see if he can make an exception for your son?

No, please do not do this.

[Anonymous]

Excluding one single cousin, who is nine years old, not an infant or a toddler who can’t behave, is rigid, inflexible, rude, the list goes on and on. I don’t think 15,000 I think that is a huge help and if I were you, I just would not go to the wedding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Meh. You’re keeping track of the value of gifts and “financial support” you’ve been giving the groom over the years? Not only kinda petty but irrelevant.

Well, the money wasn't irrelevant to him. It helped him pay for college. And it doesn't require a ton of keeping track as three items were large checks that could quickly be totaled in my head.

$15000 over 15 years is a pittance.

Lol no. Nephew should have stood up for his generous aunt.

Why? Did he know the money came with strings attached? Tacky giving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your feelings are understandable. But I promise you this has nothing to do with your son - 100% this is driven by the bride, overall guest count and a gaggle of kids she's trying to tactfully exclude. So she chose 16 as the cutoff. My own 9 yr old would have been fine to stay with a good friend for a night or two. But if you're not comfortable with your babysitting options then you go alone or not at all. Then move past this.

+1. You're framing it as your son being the only nephew that's excluded, but I suspect it's really about not having room (or patience) for a whole bunch of kids. Many of their friends may have young kids.

This. Your son is likely not the only excluded child. You have no idea what's going on in the bride's family and whether the couple's friends have kids.

I think it was a mistake to pin any hopes on cousin relationships when there is an age gap and they live far apart. That's just not how it works.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have you reached out to your nephew to see if he can make an exception for your son?

No. I don't want to ask for an exception, because as others have pointed out, it is their wedding. I did ask my sister a couple questions that helped me establish it wasn't an oversight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Meh. You’re keeping track of the value of gifts and “financial support” you’ve been giving the groom over the years? Not only kinda petty but irrelevant.

Well, the money wasn't irrelevant to him. It helped him pay for college. And it doesn't require a ton of keeping track as three items were large checks that could quickly be totaled in my head.

$15000 over 15 years is a pittance.

Lol no. Nephew should have stood up for his generous aunt.

If you’re keeping track you’re not being generous. By definition.