Just learned my MIL turned away a friend who came to see me in the hospital

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why didn’t your friend let you know that she was coming — strange!

Here's what the OP wrote - My friend had already told me she would be coming that day after work, so I was expecting her.

And when she never showed up you luckily had your sister there with all the drama

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Do you friend and MIL know each other?

Yes, they do. This isn’t one of my best friends, but it’s a newer work friend. She absolutely knows her, she was at my baby shower.

Your newer work friend visited you in the hospital?

Who cares who the friend is? It wasn't MIL's place to turn anyone away.

Boundaries people. "Newer" friends aren't hospital visiting level unless they have alternative motivations.

Years ago I visited a co-worker and her new baby in the hospital. She was happy to see me and we had a nice visit. I certainly had no alternative motivations.

I love when my coworkers come to visit me when I'm wear a mesh diaper with an ice pack in it.

Did you invite them? She did.

Pp never said she was invited.

PP - I was invited.

Of course you were.

I certainly was. I can't even imagine just dropping in uninvited.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I really don't get the friend crying.

This, which makes me think OP is a troll.

Why would your friend start crying because your MIL told her you didn't want any visitors? What?

I am not a troll. I want to ignore you because you’re being annoying, burn I’ll answer this last question.

I believe she was shocked because we had earlier discussed her stopping by with a care package, something I’ve been craving and she promised to bring me once the baby got here. I was expecting her. I think she was made to believe by my MIL’s brash comment that she wasn’t welcome. I think she was confused and hurt, maybe embarrassed, maybe a little sensitive. I don’t think it matters why she was crying. I think it matters why my MIL, who knew u was accepting visitors because she was actively planning carry out dinner plans with said visitors, thought she had a right to turn away my friend, without even consulting me or DH.

Definitely a troll. Or your friend is severely unbalanced as a grown woman to cry about something like this and you write like a 7th grader. Burn whatever.

+1. OP must think everyone gathers around in hospital rooms smoking cigars and drinking champagne like in old movies. For having a newborn to take care of OP has an awful lot of time to keep updating here and getting worked up about her MIL.

This made me laugh, because when we had our first baby 26 years ago, my then 21 year old BIL and his college roommate drove down from Philly at midnight when they heard I was in labor and arrived with cigars to celebrate the birth and hang out. This was entirely based on their understanding from movies. I still laugh at the family pictures with this random roommate dude who was thoughtful enough to insist they bring breakfast food at 3:00 am in addition to the cigars.

My best friend arrived just after I gave birth to my second child with a dozen cupcakes an hour past visiting hours at a much stricter hospital than the first. She bribed the nurses with 4 cupcakes to spend an hour with me and the baby.

I would have been livid if any volunteer gatekeeper interfered with either of these awesome situations.

Well since babies room in now and new moms have to take care of them as they recover it’s not as chill as it used to be when the baby was cared for in a nursery.

They also did 26 years ago.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I really don't get the friend crying.

This, which makes me think OP is a troll.

Why would your friend start crying because your MIL told her you didn't want any visitors? What?

I am not a troll. I want to ignore you because you’re being annoying, burn I’ll answer this last question.

I believe she was shocked because we had earlier discussed her stopping by with a care package, something I’ve been craving and she promised to bring me once the baby got here. I was expecting her. I think she was made to believe by my MIL’s brash comment that she wasn’t welcome. I think she was confused and hurt, maybe embarrassed, maybe a little sensitive. I don’t think it matters why she was crying. I think it matters why my MIL, who knew u was accepting visitors because she was actively planning carry out dinner plans with said visitors, thought she had a right to turn away my friend, without even consulting me or DH.

Definitely a troll. Or your friend is severely unbalanced as a grown woman to cry about something like this and you write like a 7th grader. Burn whatever.

+1. OP must think everyone gathers around in hospital rooms smoking cigars and drinking champagne like in old movies. For having a newborn to take care of OP has an awful lot of time to keep updating here and getting worked up about her MIL.

This made me laugh, because when we had our first baby 26 years ago, my then 21 year old BIL and his college roommate drove down from Philly at midnight when they heard I was in labor and arrived with cigars to celebrate the birth and hang out. This was entirely based on their understanding from movies. I still laugh at the family pictures with this random roommate dude who was thoughtful enough to insist they bring breakfast food at 3:00 am in addition to the cigars.

My best friend arrived just after I gave birth to my second child with a dozen cupcakes an hour past visiting hours at a much stricter hospital than the first. She bribed the nurses with 4 cupcakes to spend an hour with me and the baby.

I would have been livid if any volunteer gatekeeper interfered with either of these awesome situations.

Well since babies room in now and new moms have to take care of them as they recover it’s not as chill as it used to be when the baby was cared for in a nursery.

I have a kid around the same age as the pp's. He wasn't cared for in the nursery. He roomed with me. That was the norm for the other moms I knew too.

Good. Then it should be easy to understand how many women would need a heads up before a parade of people come in the room because of all the baby caring, nursing, pediatrician checks, hearing tests, mother checks, and all the other activity going on in the room which may not make it a good time for a random co-worker to drop in with a "care package" with no heads up. Perhaps MIL was in the hallway because she and others were asked to step out at that time as new mom was being checked to see if there was swelling, bleeding, stitches were good, etc. It's a hospital, after all.

Also I guess nobody cares about germs and viruses around newborns anymore if this story is to be believed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really don't get the friend crying.

This, which makes me think OP is a troll.

Why would your friend start crying because your MIL told her you didn't want any visitors? What?

I am not a troll. I want to ignore you because you’re being annoying, burn I’ll answer this last question.

I believe she was shocked because we had earlier discussed her stopping by with a care package, something I’ve been craving and she promised to bring me once the baby got here. I was expecting her. I think she was made to believe by my MIL’s brash comment that she wasn’t welcome. I think she was confused and hurt, maybe embarrassed, maybe a little sensitive. I don’t think it matters why she was crying. I think it matters why my MIL, who knew u was accepting visitors because she was actively planning carry out dinner plans with said visitors, thought she had a right to turn away my friend, without even consulting me or DH.

Definitely a troll. Or your friend is severely unbalanced as a grown woman to cry about something like this and you write like a 7th grader. Burn whatever.

+1. OP must think everyone gathers around in hospital rooms smoking cigars and drinking champagne like in old movies. For having a newborn to take care of OP has an awful lot of time to keep updating here and getting worked up about her MIL.

This made me laugh, because when we had our first baby 26 years ago, my then 21 year old BIL and his college roommate drove down from Philly at midnight when they heard I was in labor and arrived with cigars to celebrate the birth and hang out. This was entirely based on their understanding from movies. I still laugh at the family pictures with this random roommate dude who was thoughtful enough to insist they bring breakfast food at 3:00 am in addition to the cigars.

My best friend arrived just after I gave birth to my second child with a dozen cupcakes an hour past visiting hours at a much stricter hospital than the first. She bribed the nurses with 4 cupcakes to spend an hour with me and the baby.

I would have been livid if any volunteer gatekeeper interfered with either of these awesome situations.

Well since babies room in now and new moms have to take care of them as they recover it’s not as chill as it used to be when the baby was cared for in a nursery.

I have a kid around the same age as the pp's. He wasn't cared for in the nursery. He roomed with me. That was the norm for the other moms I knew too.

I’m the PP, and I roomed in with my second, which is why my friend was able to spend time with me and the baby. With the first, the whole crew, including the random dude, showed back up at 9:00 am. Annoying, but so lovely as well.

[Anonymous]

I'm so glad I had a covid baby because I would not want ANYONE at the hospital. Maaaaaybe my mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm so glad I had a covid baby because I would not want ANYONE at the hospital. Maaaaaybe my mom.

I was so numb from the epidural, every time I stood up to try to use the restroom I peed all over the floor for the first several hours. I had a serious tear and was extremely uncomfortable. It was miserable. I was in labor all night long and couldn't get any sleep with the constant interruptions. Nothing about it was pleasant or relaxing and I couldn't wait to get home. Luckily had no visitors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm so glad I had a covid baby because I would not want ANYONE at the hospital. Maaaaaybe my mom.

I was so numb from the epidural, every time I stood up to try to use the restroom I peed all over the floor for the first several hours. I had a serious tear and was extremely uncomfortable. It was miserable. I was in labor all night long and couldn't get any sleep with the constant interruptions. Nothing about it was pleasant or relaxing and I couldn't wait to get home. Luckily had no visitors.

But what about your work friends wanting to drop by with cupcakes.

[Anonymous]

Eh, I’m biased here.

My mil seemed normal and respectful before I had my first child. A side of her came out once I had a kid though where she basically didn’t treat me like I had agency or needed to be asked about anything once a grandchild was involved.

It was like I became a function of her identity as a grandmother. I gave her the benefit of the doubt and people pleased my way through the first 2-3 years of having a kid before I realized this is just going to get worse and worse.

If I could do it over I would have been direct the first time and nipped it in the bud.

For example “hey, I learned that my friend came to visit and you told her I wasn’t having visitors. You probably meant well but please don’t make decisions like this for me again. I need to be asked if it’s related to me. In this instance I would have liked to see my friend.”

She will probably come up with some excuse and say “I was just trying to help”.
Just say “I get it. What’s most helpful is my being consulted. Thanks”

Then leave it and hold the boundary. You will see her true colors come out. Either she respects it and your relationship grows, or it will become all about her and her hurt feelings and blah blah blah.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm so glad I had a covid baby because I would not want ANYONE at the hospital. Maaaaaybe my mom.

I was so numb from the epidural, every time I stood up to try to use the restroom I peed all over the floor for the first several hours. I had a serious tear and was extremely uncomfortable. It was miserable. I was in labor all night long and couldn't get any sleep with the constant interruptions. Nothing about it was pleasant or relaxing and I couldn't wait to get home. Luckily had no visitors.

I didn’t experience anything like that after my C-section. I was ready for visitors pretty quickly and definitely wasn’t in much pain. I came home with no pain meds. We’re all different so don’t assume everyone’s post partum experience is the same.

[Anonymous]

How did you not know the exact time she was arriving?

[Anonymous]

Who invited your MIL to begin w ?
Where is your own mother?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Congrats on your baby.

Between your MIL, your sister, and your new-ish work friend this is a lot of drama at a hospital.

Set some boundaries.

OP loves it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who invited your MIL to begin w ?
Where is your own mother?

Read the thread

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I really don't get the friend crying.

That seems so....unnecessarily dramatic? I get being disappointed by not seeing your friend and meeting her new baby but running out of the hospital in tears - good lord.

I'm joining the other fence sitters who need more information before we string up the MIL.