Just learned my MIL turned away a friend who came to see me in the hospital

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I really don't get the friend crying.

This, which makes me think OP is a troll.

Why would your friend start crying because your MIL told her you didn't want any visitors? What?

I am not a troll. I want to ignore you because you’re being annoying, burn I’ll answer this last question.

I believe she was shocked because we had earlier discussed her stopping by with a care package, something I’ve been craving and she promised to bring me once the baby got here. I was expecting her. I think she was made to believe by my MIL’s brash comment that she wasn’t welcome. I think she was confused and hurt, maybe embarrassed, maybe a little sensitive. I don’t think it matters why she was crying. I think it matters why my MIL, who knew u was accepting visitors because she was actively planning carry out dinner plans with said visitors, thought she had a right to turn away my friend, without even consulting me or DH.

Definitely a troll. Or your friend is severely unbalanced as a grown woman to cry about something like this and you write like a 7th grader. Burn whatever.

+1. OP must think everyone gathers around in hospital rooms smoking cigars and drinking champagne like in old movies. For having a newborn to take care of OP has an awful lot of time to keep updating here and getting worked up about her MIL.

This made me laugh, because when we had our first baby 26 years ago, my then 21 year old BIL and his college roommate drove down from Philly at midnight when they heard I was in labor and arrived with cigars to celebrate the birth and hang out. This was entirely based on their understanding from movies. I still laugh at the family pictures with this random roommate dude who was thoughtful enough to insist they bring breakfast food at 3:00 am in addition to the cigars.

My best friend arrived just after I gave birth to my second child with a dozen cupcakes an hour past visiting hours at a much stricter hospital than the first. She bribed the nurses with 4 cupcakes to spend an hour with me and the baby.

I would have been livid if any volunteer gatekeeper interfered with either of these awesome situations.

Well since babies room in now and new moms have to take care of them as they recover it’s not as chill as it used to be when the baby was cared for in a nursery.

They also did 26 years ago.

+1 My kids are 26 and 20 and both stayed in the room with me and were never in the nursery. I had visitors every day.

How many days were you even in the hospital? For one I spent 2 nights. One I labored all night, spent the next night and went home in the morning the following day. I was barely there 1 whole day. Hospitals kick you out fast. If you're well enough to visit friends for days you can go home.

3 days both times; c sections.

V-delivery and I had the baby just after midnight on a Tuesday, stayed all day Tuesday and Wednesday, and left Thursday morning. Zero complications.

Plenty of time for your co workers to visit!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Over the weekend I had my first baby, and something just came to light that’s really bothering me.

Last night my sister told me that while I was in the hospital, my MIL apparently turned away a friend of mine who came by to drop off a care package. My sister said MIL was in the hallway near the waiting area and basically told my friend something along the lines of “go, she doesn’t want visitors.” My friend was surprised and left. My sister caught up with her and said she was crying.

For context, I did receive the care package. At the time my sister just told me that this friend had dropped it off, but didn’t mention anything about what had happened in the hallway.

My sister told MIL at the time that it wasn’t cool, but didn’t want to escalate things at the hospital. My friend hasn’t mentioned it to me at all, likely also trying not to create drama.

I’m really upset about it. I was expecting this friend and would absolutely have seen her, even briefly. I also feel a bit foolish because I’ve been very friendly and inclusive with my MIL all week, not knowing this happened.

My husband was immediately ready to call his mom and tell her how inappropriate it was, but I asked him to hold off until I had a minute to think. Right now I feel so disrespected that I don’t even want to see her. At the same time, I know this is an exciting time for her too and I don’t want to overreact.

How would you handle this? Address it directly now? Let it go but set boundaries going forward? I’m also aware I’m freshly postpartum and probably not in the most objective headspace.

You have bigger MIL problems than you can even imagine and you address them now and establish boundaries. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Everyone is different. I work in medicine and tons of my coworkers came by after I gave birth - first time vaginally and second time c section. I welcomed them all and enjoyed their company.

[Anonymous]

Depends. I did not want visitors at the hospital except my own parents - especially for my first. Let it go for now but keep it as a warning. If MIL pulls anything again have husband speak to her kindly but set boundaries. The stress of it may end up hurting you more and you do not need to be stressed. Congrats on new baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really don't get the friend crying.

This, which makes me think OP is a troll.

Why would your friend start crying because your MIL told her you didn't want any visitors? What?

Troll post by a 12-year-old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Call your friend and get what actually happened, and then unleash your husband on his mom.

This. But before your husband unleashes on her you need to tell her and then your DH can call.

Unacceptable