Just learned my MIL turned away a friend who came to see me in the hospital

[Anonymous]

I like that you wanted time to think about this before reacting but I can tell you not only are you within your right to address this with the MIL you should. If you don't I promise more and more things like this will occur. You or DH needs to speak with her about this ASAP. What she did was overstepping and plain freaking rude. Address this now. I'm angry for you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you friend and MIL know each other?

Yes, they do. This isn’t one of my best friends, but it’s a newer work friend. She absolutely knows her, she was at my baby shower.

Is the shower the only time they met? Are you sure your MIL remembers her?

Yes. She literally approached her in the hallway because she knew who she was.

And you know this because your sister told you? You haven’t even asked your friend about this?

As I said upthread, yes I have. Their stories match.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I like that you wanted time to think about this before reacting but I can tell you not only are you within your right to address this with the MIL you should. If you don't I promise more and more things like this will occur. You or DH needs to speak with her about this ASAP. What she did was overstepping and plain freaking rude. Address this now. I'm angry for you!

Supposedly she just had a baby. Why waste so much energy on this? Aren’t there more important things?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I really don't get the friend crying.

This, which makes me think OP is a troll.

Why would your friend start crying because your MIL told her you didn't want any visitors? What?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you friend and MIL know each other?

Yes, they do. This isn’t one of my best friends, but it’s a newer work friend. She absolutely knows her, she was at my baby shower.

Is the shower the only time they met? Are you sure your MIL remembers her?

Yes. She literally approached her in the hallway because she knew who she was.

And you know this because your sister told you? You haven’t even asked your friend about this?

Yeah, who gave you the play by play?

Which drama loving family member?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you friend and MIL know each other?

Yes, they do. This isn’t one of my best friends, but it’s a newer work friend. She absolutely knows her, she was at my baby shower.

Is the shower the only time they met? Are you sure your MIL remembers her?

Yes. She literally approached her in the hallway because she knew who she was.

Sounds like your MIL is way too involved if she knows a newer work friend.

Definitely set some boundaries.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I like that you wanted time to think about this before reacting but I can tell you not only are you within your right to address this with the MIL you should. If you don't I promise more and more things like this will occur. You or DH needs to speak with her about this ASAP. What she did was overstepping and plain freaking rude. Address this now. I'm angry for you!

Supposedly she just had a baby. Why waste so much energy on this? Aren’t there more important things?

Not OP, but why wouldn't she address this while it's still fresh? I would be extremely upset if someone was turning away my friends after they just went out of their way to come see and bring a gift. It's not nothing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you friend and MIL know each other?

Yes, they do. This isn’t one of my best friends, but it’s a newer work friend. She absolutely knows her, she was at my baby shower.

Your newer work friend visited you in the hospital?

Who cares who the friend is? It wasn't MIL's place to turn anyone away.

Boundaries people. "Newer" friends aren't hospital visiting level unless they have alternative motivations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unless there is a long history with your MIL, I would start by assuming good intent. Some people really don't want visitors at the hospital (see approximately 5 gazillion threads on DCUM), so she might have thought she was doing you a favor. If she was harsh enough to make your friend cry, that's not okay, though and should be addressed regardless.

I would call your friend and let her know what happened, though don't fully throw your MIL under the bus. I would also ask your DH to find out why she did it, without accusing.

OP here. I wouldn’t say there is a “history”, but MIL is very “them vs us” and gets a little weird around my family/friends/acquaintances, if that makes sense. I worry that if I let this go, she will think I’m accepting of that.

I think this is worth addressing, but I would still approach the conversation (or have your DH approach it) with the assumption of good intent. If your goal is to prevent something like this in the future, then putting her on the defensive is less likely to accomplish that.

I would have DH say something like, "Hey mom. Just a heads up that Larla heard that Larlette wanted to come in and see her when she dropped the care package at the hospital, and you suggested that she shouldn't disturb her. I think you might have been trying to help Larla get some rest, but Larla would actually have liked to see Larlette...and generally likes that kind of company. Please check with me or Larla in the future."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I like that you wanted time to think about this before reacting but I can tell you not only are you within your right to address this with the MIL you should. If you don't I promise more and more things like this will occur. You or DH needs to speak with her about this ASAP. What she did was overstepping and plain freaking rude. Address this now. I'm angry for you!

Supposedly she just had a baby. Why waste so much energy on this? Aren’t there more important things?

Not OP, but why wouldn't she address this while it's still fresh? I would be extremely upset if someone was turning away my friends after they just went out of their way to come see and bring a gift. It's not nothing.

Op is a drama lovin mama.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really don't get the friend crying.

This, which makes me think OP is a troll.

Why would your friend start crying because your MIL told her you didn't want any visitors? What?

I am not a troll. I want to ignore you because you’re being annoying, burn I’ll answer this last question.

I believe she was shocked because we had earlier discussed her stopping by with a care package, something I’ve been craving and she promised to bring me once the baby got here. I was expecting her. I think she was made to believe by my MIL’s brash comment that she wasn’t welcome. I think she was confused and hurt, maybe embarrassed, maybe a little sensitive. I don’t think it matters why she was crying. I think it matters why my MIL, who knew u was accepting visitors because she was actively planning carry out dinner plans with said visitors, thought she had a right to turn away my friend, without even consulting me or DH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I like that you wanted time to think about this before reacting but I can tell you not only are you within your right to address this with the MIL you should. If you don't I promise more and more things like this will occur. You or DH needs to speak with her about this ASAP. What she did was overstepping and plain freaking rude. Address this now. I'm angry for you!

Supposedly she just had a baby. Why waste so much energy on this? Aren’t there more important things?

Not OP, but why wouldn't she address this while it's still fresh? I would be extremely upset if someone was turning away my friends after they just went out of their way to come see and bring a gift. It's not nothing.

Op is a drama lovin mama.

As are the sis and the MIL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you friend and MIL know each other?

Yes, they do. This isn’t one of my best friends, but it’s a newer work friend. She absolutely knows her, she was at my baby shower.

Your newer work friend visited you in the hospital?

Who cares who the friend is? It wasn't MIL's place to turn anyone away.

Boundaries people. "Newer" friends aren't hospital visiting level unless they have alternative motivations.

She was there to kidnap for sure. MIL is actually a hero.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I like that you wanted time to think about this before reacting but I can tell you not only are you within your right to address this with the MIL you should. If you don't I promise more and more things like this will occur. You or DH needs to speak with her about this ASAP. What she did was overstepping and plain freaking rude. Address this now. I'm angry for you!

Supposedly she just had a baby. Why waste so much energy on this? Aren’t there more important things?

Not OP, but why wouldn't she address this while it's still fresh? I would be extremely upset if someone was turning away my friends after they just went out of their way to come see and bring a gift. It's not nothing.

Op is a drama lovin mama.

As are the sis and the MIL.

And the new acquaintance crying in the hallway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I like that you wanted time to think about this before reacting but I can tell you not only are you within your right to address this with the MIL you should. If you don't I promise more and more things like this will occur. You or DH needs to speak with her about this ASAP. What she did was overstepping and plain freaking rude. Address this now. I'm angry for you!

Supposedly she just had a baby. Why waste so much energy on this? Aren’t there more important things?

Not OP, but why wouldn't she address this while it's still fresh? I would be extremely upset if someone was turning away my friends after they just went out of their way to come see and bring a gift. It's not nothing.

Op is a drama lovin mama.

Nope. MIL didn't need to play defense and not even tell her. MIL WAY overstepped her boundaries.