Just learned my MIL turned away a friend who came to see me in the hospital

[Anonymous]

Wonder what was in this mystery care package that op was desperate for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I really don't get the friend crying.

I don’t think it happened. Everyone embellishes here to get sympathy votes

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really don't get the friend crying.

I don’t think it happened. Everyone embellishes here to get sympathy votes

Or the whole thing is made up. The crying part was over the top in weaving the story. Fake.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I really don't get the friend crying.

Very dramatic!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Do you friend and MIL know each other?

Yes, they do. This isn’t one of my best friends, but it’s a newer work friend. She absolutely knows her, she was at my baby shower.

Your newer work friend visited you in the hospital?

Who cares who the friend is? It wasn't MIL's place to turn anyone away.

Boundaries people. "Newer" friends aren't hospital visiting level unless they have alternative motivations.

Years ago I visited a co-worker and her new baby in the hospital. She was happy to see me and we had a nice visit. I certainly had no alternative motivations.

I love when my coworkers come to visit me when I'm wear a mesh diaper with an ice pack in it.

Did you invite them? She did.

Pp never said she was invited.

PP - I was invited.

[Anonymous]

Why didn’t your friend let you know that she was coming — strange!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really don't get the friend crying.

I don’t think it happened. Everyone embellishes here to get sympathy votes

Or the whole thing is made up. The crying part was over the top in weaving the story. Fake.

Yup, not buying it either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why didn’t your friend let you know that she was coming — strange!

Here's what the OP wrote - My friend had already told me she would be coming that day after work, so I was expecting her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why didn’t your friend let you know that she was coming — strange!

Here's what the OP wrote - My friend had already told me she would be coming that day after work, so I was expecting her.

But no text on the way in making sure it’s a good time? No cell phones in this story?

[Anonymous]

OP, sorry everyone is being insane on this thread. Your story makes perfect sense to me and I think you are seeing something about your MIL that you and DH need to discuss and be very clear about: she views your family as under her jurisdiction. That viewpoint clearly does not work for you. I think you are smart to hold off on responding since emotions run high at this time and you don’t want to escalate unless it’s needed, but I also think this is a big red flag. I would do the following:

1) Apologize to friend and write a nice note and invite her to meet the baby some other time.

2) Have a big talk (maybe with a family systems therapist) with DH about where you each land with this kind of thing. I am a very private and independent person and this would be a huge problem for me but some families are more enmeshed. It’s more important that you and DH be on the same page than that MIL be put in her place about this instance.

3) Depending on how that talk goes I would have DH consider taking his mom aside and gently but firmly telling her that she crossed a line and you expect her to be respectful of anyone that you and DH choose to include in your lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:I really don't get the friend crying.

This, which makes me think OP is a troll.

Why would your friend start crying because your MIL told her you didn't want any visitors? What?

I am not a troll. I want to ignore you because you’re being annoying, burn I’ll answer this last question.

I believe she was shocked because we had earlier discussed her stopping by with a care package, something I’ve been craving and she promised to bring me once the baby got here. I was expecting her. I think she was made to believe by my MIL’s brash comment that she wasn’t welcome. I think she was confused and hurt, maybe embarrassed, maybe a little sensitive. I don’t think it matters why she was crying. I think it matters why my MIL, who knew u was accepting visitors because she was actively planning carry out dinner plans with said visitors, thought she had a right to turn away my friend, without even consulting me or DH.

Definitely a troll. Or your friend is severely unbalanced as a grown woman to cry about something like this and you write like a 7th grader. Burn whatever.

+1. OP must think everyone gathers around in hospital rooms smoking cigars and drinking champagne like in old movies. For having a newborn to take care of OP has an awful lot of time to keep updating here and getting worked up about her MIL.

This made me laugh, because when we had our first baby 26 years ago, my then 21 year old BIL and his college roommate drove down from Philly at midnight when they heard I was in labor and arrived with cigars to celebrate the birth and hang out. This was entirely based on their understanding from movies. I still laugh at the family pictures with this random roommate dude who was thoughtful enough to insist they bring breakfast food at 3:00 am in addition to the cigars.

My best friend arrived just after I gave birth to my second child with a dozen cupcakes an hour past visiting hours at a much stricter hospital than the first. She bribed the nurses with 4 cupcakes to spend an hour with me and the baby.

I would have been livid if any volunteer gatekeeper interfered with either of these awesome situations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really don't get the friend crying.

This, which makes me think OP is a troll.

Why would your friend start crying because your MIL told her you didn't want any visitors? What?

I am not a troll. I want to ignore you because you’re being annoying, burn I’ll answer this last question.

I believe she was shocked because we had earlier discussed her stopping by with a care package, something I’ve been craving and she promised to bring me once the baby got here. I was expecting her. I think she was made to believe by my MIL’s brash comment that she wasn’t welcome. I think she was confused and hurt, maybe embarrassed, maybe a little sensitive. I don’t think it matters why she was crying. I think it matters why my MIL, who knew u was accepting visitors because she was actively planning carry out dinner plans with said visitors, thought she had a right to turn away my friend, without even consulting me or DH.

Definitely a troll. Or your friend is severely unbalanced as a grown woman to cry about something like this and you write like a 7th grader. Burn whatever.

+1. OP must think everyone gathers around in hospital rooms smoking cigars and drinking champagne like in old movies. For having a newborn to take care of OP has an awful lot of time to keep updating here and getting worked up about her MIL.

This made me laugh, because when we had our first baby 26 years ago, my then 21 year old BIL and his college roommate drove down from Philly at midnight when they heard I was in labor and arrived with cigars to celebrate the birth and hang out. This was entirely based on their understanding from movies. I still laugh at the family pictures with this random roommate dude who was thoughtful enough to insist they bring breakfast food at 3:00 am in addition to the cigars.

My best friend arrived just after I gave birth to my second child with a dozen cupcakes an hour past visiting hours at a much stricter hospital than the first. She bribed the nurses with 4 cupcakes to spend an hour with me and the baby.

I would have been livid if any volunteer gatekeeper interfered with either of these awesome situations.

Well since babies room in now and new moms have to take care of them as they recover it’s not as chill as it used to be when the baby was cared for in a nursery.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you friend and MIL know each other?

Yes, they do. This isn’t one of my best friends, but it’s a newer work friend. She absolutely knows her, she was at my baby shower.

Your newer work friend visited you in the hospital?

Who cares who the friend is? It wasn't MIL's place to turn anyone away.

Boundaries people. "Newer" friends aren't hospital visiting level unless they have alternative motivations.

Years ago I visited a co-worker and her new baby in the hospital. She was happy to see me and we had a nice visit. I certainly had no alternative motivations.

I love when my coworkers come to visit me when I'm wear a mesh diaper with an ice pack in it.

Did you invite them? She did.

Pp never said she was invited.

PP - I was invited.

Of course you were.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why didn’t your friend let you know that she was coming — strange!

Here's what the OP wrote - My friend had already told me she would be coming that day after work, so I was expecting her.

Not buying it. The friend would have let you know she was on her way/made sure the time was good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really don't get the friend crying.

This, which makes me think OP is a troll.

Why would your friend start crying because your MIL told her you didn't want any visitors? What?

I am not a troll. I want to ignore you because you’re being annoying, burn I’ll answer this last question.

I believe she was shocked because we had earlier discussed her stopping by with a care package, something I’ve been craving and she promised to bring me once the baby got here. I was expecting her. I think she was made to believe by my MIL’s brash comment that she wasn’t welcome. I think she was confused and hurt, maybe embarrassed, maybe a little sensitive. I don’t think it matters why she was crying. I think it matters why my MIL, who knew u was accepting visitors because she was actively planning carry out dinner plans with said visitors, thought she had a right to turn away my friend, without even consulting me or DH.

Definitely a troll. Or your friend is severely unbalanced as a grown woman to cry about something like this and you write like a 7th grader. Burn whatever.

+1. OP must think everyone gathers around in hospital rooms smoking cigars and drinking champagne like in old movies. For having a newborn to take care of OP has an awful lot of time to keep updating here and getting worked up about her MIL.

This made me laugh, because when we had our first baby 26 years ago, my then 21 year old BIL and his college roommate drove down from Philly at midnight when they heard I was in labor and arrived with cigars to celebrate the birth and hang out. This was entirely based on their understanding from movies. I still laugh at the family pictures with this random roommate dude who was thoughtful enough to insist they bring breakfast food at 3:00 am in addition to the cigars.

My best friend arrived just after I gave birth to my second child with a dozen cupcakes an hour past visiting hours at a much stricter hospital than the first. She bribed the nurses with 4 cupcakes to spend an hour with me and the baby.

I would have been livid if any volunteer gatekeeper interfered with either of these awesome situations.

Well since babies room in now and new moms have to take care of them as they recover it’s not as chill as it used to be when the baby was cared for in a nursery.

I have a kid around the same age as the pp's. He wasn't cared for in the nursery. He roomed with me. That was the norm for the other moms I knew too.