Just learned my MIL turned away a friend who came to see me in the hospital

[Anonymous]

Is friend a minority?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really don't get the friend crying.

That seems so....unnecessarily dramatic? I get being disappointed by not seeing your friend and meeting her new baby but running out of the hospital in tears - good lord.

I'm joining the other fence sitters who need more information before we string up the MIL.

Yep I would be pissed at that friend coming to see me but causing so many problems. Now it's all about her and her feelings. If you can't behave like an adult, I see no future friendship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really don't get the friend crying.

That seems so....unnecessarily dramatic? I get being disappointed by not seeing your friend and meeting her new baby but running out of the hospital in tears - good lord.

I'm joining the other fence sitters who need more information before we string up the MIL.

Yep I would be pissed at that friend coming to see me but causing so many problems. Now it's all about her and her feelings. If you can't behave like an adult, I see no future friendship.

If someone said to you “go she doesn’t want you here” would you not be upset? If her MIL was like “hey hon thanks for stopping by but she’s sleeping right now- how about I take the care package and let her know you came. Thank you for stopping by!” I doubt she’d be crying.

[Anonymous]

This whole story is bizarre to me. Friend crying because she was told you didn’t want visitors? And your sister ran up to crying friend and didn’t think to say “oh, no, please come visit larla, not sure why her MIL told you that.” Ok, but let’s go with your story. If it were me and I found out I’d immediately call MIL and address the situation. My next call would be to friend. I don’t get how there is any question about how to handle this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really don't get the friend crying.

That seems so....unnecessarily dramatic? I get being disappointed by not seeing your friend and meeting her new baby but running out of the hospital in tears - good lord.

I'm joining the other fence sitters who need more information before we string up the MIL.

Yep I would be pissed at that friend coming to see me but causing so many problems. Now it's all about her and her feelings. If you can't behave like an adult, I see no future friendship.

If someone said to you “go she doesn’t want you here” would you not be upset? If her MIL was like “hey hon thanks for stopping by but she’s sleeping right now- how about I take the care package and let her know you came. Thank you for stopping by!” I doubt she’d be crying.

. I’m not the person you quoted, but if it were me, and I’d had a conversation with my friend and she was expecting me, I’d think to myself “oh this woman is batshit crazy” and I’d stay in the waiting room and call my friend to ask if everything is ok. No, I would not cry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This whole story is bizarre to me. Friend crying because she was told you didn’t want visitors? And your sister ran up to crying friend and didn’t think to say “oh, no, please come visit larla, not sure why her MIL told you that.” Ok, but let’s go with your story. If it were me and I found out I’d immediately call MIL and address the situation. My next call would be to friend. I don’t get how there is any question about how to handle this.

OP said that the sister tried to do that but that the friend said she just wanted to go home because she was embarrassed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really don't get the friend crying.

This, which makes me think OP is a troll.

Why would your friend start crying because your MIL told her you didn't want any visitors? What?

I am not a troll. I want to ignore you because you’re being annoying, burn I’ll answer this last question.

I believe she was shocked because we had earlier discussed her stopping by with a care package, something I’ve been craving and she promised to bring me once the baby got here. I was expecting her. I think she was made to believe by my MIL’s brash comment that she wasn’t welcome. I think she was confused and hurt, maybe embarrassed, maybe a little sensitive. I don’t think it matters why she was crying. I think it matters why my MIL, who knew u was accepting visitors because she was actively planning carry out dinner plans with said visitors, thought she had a right to turn away my friend, without even consulting me or DH.

Definitely a troll. Or your friend is severely unbalanced as a grown woman to cry about something like this and you write like a 7th grader. Burn whatever.

+1. OP must think everyone gathers around in hospital rooms smoking cigars and drinking champagne like in old movies. For having a newborn to take care of OP has an awful lot of time to keep updating here and getting worked up about her MIL.

This made me laugh, because when we had our first baby 26 years ago, my then 21 year old BIL and his college roommate drove down from Philly at midnight when they heard I was in labor and arrived with cigars to celebrate the birth and hang out. This was entirely based on their understanding from movies. I still laugh at the family pictures with this random roommate dude who was thoughtful enough to insist they bring breakfast food at 3:00 am in addition to the cigars.

My best friend arrived just after I gave birth to my second child with a dozen cupcakes an hour past visiting hours at a much stricter hospital than the first. She bribed the nurses with 4 cupcakes to spend an hour with me and the baby.

I would have been livid if any volunteer gatekeeper interfered with either of these awesome situations.

Well since babies room in now and new moms have to take care of them as they recover it’s not as chill as it used to be when the baby was cared for in a nursery.

They also did 26 years ago.

+1 My kids are 26 and 20 and both stayed in the room with me and were never in the nursery. I had visitors every day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This whole story is bizarre to me. Friend crying because she was told you didn’t want visitors? And your sister ran up to crying friend and didn’t think to say “oh, no, please come visit larla, not sure why her MIL told you that.” Ok, but let’s go with your story. If it were me and I found out I’d immediately call MIL and address the situation. My next call would be to friend. I don’t get how there is any question about how to handle this.

OP said that the sister tried to do that but that the friend said she just wanted to go home because she was embarrassed.

Oh, ok, I didn’t that from the OP, so it must have been in a follow up post. If this is true the friend sounds incredibly naive and weak minded.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you friend and MIL know each other?

Yes, they do. This isn’t one of my best friends, but it’s a newer work friend. She absolutely knows her, she was at my baby shower.

She’s seen her once or twice. She doesn’t know her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really don't get the friend crying.

That seems so....unnecessarily dramatic? I get being disappointed by not seeing your friend and meeting her new baby but running out of the hospital in tears - good lord.

I'm joining the other fence sitters who need more information before we string up the MIL.

Yep I would be pissed at that friend coming to see me but causing so many problems. Now it's all about her and her feelings. If you can't behave like an adult, I see no future friendship.

If someone said to you “go she doesn’t want you here” would you not be upset? If her MIL was like “hey hon thanks for stopping by but she’s sleeping right now- how about I take the care package and let her know you came. Thank you for stopping by!” I doubt she’d be crying.

I 100% doubt she even said that. OP doesn't know, she wasn't there. If it wasn't a good time it wasn't a good time. Friend is a loser for running away crying. If I just had a baby, I don't need that shit right now. Her feelings would be a very low priority. Friend should apologize, if this even remotely happened which is doubtful. Because who would do that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really don't get the friend crying.

This, which makes me think OP is a troll.

Why would your friend start crying because your MIL told her you didn't want any visitors? What?

Maybe she’s never seen a newborn baby and was eager to hold one. Maybe she lost a baby before and was excited to be in the hospital and happy for her friend. Having a baby is a joyous time for friends and families. She’s allowed to be emotional especially at being turned back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really don't get the friend crying.

This, which makes me think OP is a troll.

Why would your friend start crying because your MIL told her you didn't want any visitors? What?

I am not a troll. I want to ignore you because you’re being annoying, burn I’ll answer this last question.

I believe she was shocked because we had earlier discussed her stopping by with a care package, something I’ve been craving and she promised to bring me once the baby got here. I was expecting her. I think she was made to believe by my MIL’s brash comment that she wasn’t welcome. I think she was confused and hurt, maybe embarrassed, maybe a little sensitive. I don’t think it matters why she was crying. I think it matters why my MIL, who knew u was accepting visitors because she was actively planning carry out dinner plans with said visitors, thought she had a right to turn away my friend, without even consulting me or DH.

Definitely a troll. Or your friend is severely unbalanced as a grown woman to cry about something like this and you write like a 7th grader. Burn whatever.

+1. OP must think everyone gathers around in hospital rooms smoking cigars and drinking champagne like in old movies. For having a newborn to take care of OP has an awful lot of time to keep updating here and getting worked up about her MIL.

This made me laugh, because when we had our first baby 26 years ago, my then 21 year old BIL and his college roommate drove down from Philly at midnight when they heard I was in labor and arrived with cigars to celebrate the birth and hang out. This was entirely based on their understanding from movies. I still laugh at the family pictures with this random roommate dude who was thoughtful enough to insist they bring breakfast food at 3:00 am in addition to the cigars.

My best friend arrived just after I gave birth to my second child with a dozen cupcakes an hour past visiting hours at a much stricter hospital than the first. She bribed the nurses with 4 cupcakes to spend an hour with me and the baby.

I would have been livid if any volunteer gatekeeper interfered with either of these awesome situations.

Well since babies room in now and new moms have to take care of them as they recover it’s not as chill as it used to be when the baby was cared for in a nursery.

They also did 26 years ago.

+1 My kids are 26 and 20 and both stayed in the room with me and were never in the nursery. I had visitors every day.

How many days were you even in the hospital? For one I spent 2 nights. One I labored all night, spent the next night and went home in the morning the following day. I was barely there 1 whole day. Hospitals kick you out fast. If you're well enough to visit friends for days you can go home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you friend and MIL know each other?

Yes, they do. This isn’t one of my best friends, but it’s a newer work friend. She absolutely knows her, she was at my baby shower.

Your newer work friend visited you in the hospital?

Who cares who the friend is? It wasn't MIL's place to turn anyone away.

Boundaries people. "Newer" friends aren't hospital visiting level unless they have alternative motivations.

To you. So keep that in mind for the next time you give birth, granny. But this woman was expecting her friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This whole story is bizarre to me. Friend crying because she was told you didn’t want visitors? And your sister ran up to crying friend and didn’t think to say “oh, no, please come visit larla, not sure why her MIL told you that.” Ok, but let’s go with your story. If it were me and I found out I’d immediately call MIL and address the situation. My next call would be to friend. I don’t get how there is any question about how to handle this.

OP said that the sister tried to do that but that the friend said she just wanted to go home because she was embarrassed.

Again, why is everyone hanging out outside the room to deal with this friend? Seems pretty obvious they were outside for a reason and giving the unstable friend a heads up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really don't get the friend crying.

This, which makes me think OP is a troll.

Why would your friend start crying because your MIL told her you didn't want any visitors? What?

I am not a troll. I want to ignore you because you’re being annoying, burn I’ll answer this last question.

I believe she was shocked because we had earlier discussed her stopping by with a care package, something I’ve been craving and she promised to bring me once the baby got here. I was expecting her. I think she was made to believe by my MIL’s brash comment that she wasn’t welcome. I think she was confused and hurt, maybe embarrassed, maybe a little sensitive. I don’t think it matters why she was crying. I think it matters why my MIL, who knew u was accepting visitors because she was actively planning carry out dinner plans with said visitors, thought she had a right to turn away my friend, without even consulting me or DH.

Who paid for the dinner and if it was the in laws was she trying to be slick cheap?