Just learned my MIL turned away a friend who came to see me in the hospital

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Unless there is a long history with your MIL, I would start by assuming good intent. Some people really don't want visitors at the hospital (see approximately 5 gazillion threads on DCUM), so she might have thought she was doing you a favor. If she was harsh enough to make your friend cry, that's not okay, though and should be addressed regardless.

I would call your friend and let her know what happened, though don't fully throw your MIL under the bus. I would also ask your DH to find out why she did it, without accusing.

OP here. I wouldn’t say there is a “history”, but MIL is very “them vs us” and gets a little weird around my family/friends/acquaintances, if that makes sense. I worry that if I let this go, she will think I’m accepting of that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I mean, I'm a little on the fence here. MIL should have checked with you. But she also might have thought you were sleeping and/or needed to sleep, and was trying to be helpful.

I also find it a little hard to believe your friend left crying. Any woman would understand that a new mom might not want visitors. And you'd think she would have texted to make sure it was a good time.

I would just talk to your friend and make sure she knows that you absolutely would have seen her, and say you're not sure what your MIL was thinking.

It must have not been so straightforward as MIL kindly refusing the visit on op's behalf. I have a feeling she must have been a bit rude, domineering or antagonistic about it and/or the friend really had her heart set on the visit so the shock of having her hopes quickly dashed after the trouble of getting a gift and parking at the hospital/making her way there was momentarily overwhelming.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I really don't get the friend crying.

Because this never happened. Or OP and her friend are teens.

[Anonymous]

Do you friend and MIL know each other?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you friend and MIL know each other?

Yes, they do. This isn’t one of my best friends, but it’s a newer work friend. She absolutely knows her, she was at my baby shower.

[Anonymous]

I would say something calm and reasonable to your MIL. “Sister and Friend both told me that you [did x] at the hospital. I’m sure you had good intentions, but that wasn’t your call to make. I was expecting Friend and looking forward to seeing her, and she was looking forward to seeing me. In future please don’t make this kind of unilateral decision. [then immediate pivot to another topic]”

If she tries to push back, jist repeat a short version, always keeping a reasonable and calm tone, and reiterate that you’re “sure she meant well, but…”

[Anonymous]

Congrats on your baby.

Between your MIL, your sister, and your new-ish work friend this is a lot of drama at a hospital.

Set some boundaries.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you friend and MIL know each other?

Yes, they do. This isn’t one of my best friends, but it’s a newer work friend. She absolutely knows her, she was at my baby shower.

Is the shower the only time they met? Are you sure your MIL remembers her?

[Anonymous]

I agree ^^. Talk to MIL yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you friend and MIL know each other?

Yes, they do. This isn’t one of my best friends, but it’s a newer work friend. She absolutely knows her, she was at my baby shower.

Your newer work friend visited you in the hospital?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Call your friend and get what actually happened, and then unleash your husband on his mom.

Typical MIL hater. "Unleash your husband on his mom."? Seriously, grow up.

Typical MIL who thinks she can bulldoze over everyone and yell at them to "grow up" when she gets called out on her ridiculous behavior. YOU grow up.

[Anonymous]

Congrats OP! Forgive your MIL but ask her to check with you next time. Enjoy your baby!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you friend and MIL know each other?

Yes, they do. This isn’t one of my best friends, but it’s a newer work friend. She absolutely knows her, she was at my baby shower.

Your newer work friend visited you in the hospital?

Who cares who the friend is? It wasn't MIL's place to turn anyone away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you friend and MIL know each other?

Yes, they do. This isn’t one of my best friends, but it’s a newer work friend. She absolutely knows her, she was at my baby shower.

Is the shower the only time they met? Are you sure your MIL remembers her?

Yes. She literally approached her in the hallway because she knew who she was.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you friend and MIL know each other?

Yes, they do. This isn’t one of my best friends, but it’s a newer work friend. She absolutely knows her, she was at my baby shower.

Is the shower the only time they met? Are you sure your MIL remembers her?

Yes. She literally approached her in the hallway because she knew who she was.

And you know this because your sister told you? You haven’t even asked your friend about this?