Reply to Just learned my MIL turned away a friend who came to see me in the hospital

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[quote=Anonymous]Eh, I’m biased here.

My mil seemed normal and respectful before I had my first child. A side of her came out once I had a kid though where she basically didn’t treat me like I had agency or needed to be asked about anything once a grandchild was involved.

It was like I became a function of her identity as a grandmother. I gave her the benefit of the doubt and people pleased my way through the first 2-3 years of having a kid before I realized this is just going to get worse and worse.

If I could do it over I would have been direct the first time and nipped it in the bud.

For example “hey, I learned that my friend came to visit and you told her I wasn’t having visitors. You probably meant well but please don’t make decisions like this for me again. I need to be asked if it’s related to me. In this instance I would have liked to see my friend.”

She will probably come up with some excuse and say “I was just trying to help”.
Just say “I get it. What’s most helpful is my being consulted. Thanks”

Then leave it and hold the boundary. You will see her true colors come out. Either she respects it and your relationship grows, or it will become all about her and her hurt feelings and blah blah blah. [/quote]

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