How do people in dead bedroom marriages cope?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have an affair. Sex is great with my AP.

Ahh, I knew a selfish loser who lacks commitment, the ability to communicate and accountability would join this one. The dead bedroom in your case is likely do to you being a disgusting human. Good luck with the damage you caused.

Shut up. If one partner is literally causing the issue, the aggrieved partner should cheat. It’s as simple as that. You have no fking clue the kind of rejection and resentment lack of intimacy causes.

NP.

I would not have put it in those terms, but I agree.

If you decide to cut your spouse off from s*x (or, you decide you “just don’t feel like having s*x anymore”), then it becomes a situation of:

FAFO.

You want to risk blowing up your family and damaging your kids’ psyche just because “you don’t feel like it” - ?

Seriously??

[Anonymous]

I had an emotional affair. It was too much drama. I got out of the worst of perimenopause and stopped wanting sex as much. DH is nicer and we occasionally have sex now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To the wives of men who are no longer interested in sleeping with their wives: How do you feel knowing that your husband finds other women sexually attractive but not you? How does your ego withstand the daily rejection of you as a sexual partner? When my ex did this to me, it was devastating.

If you are fat or a bi**h, you have nothing to complain about and the blame is on you. If he finds other women attractive and not you, then one of the above is likely true regardless of how much you think you look good or have a rational and pleasant personality

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have an affair. Sex is great with my AP.

So you are very open in hidden and anonymous interactions, but are too cowardly to tell the only person whose knowledge matters, your spouse. Who taught you that sneaking around and hiding were the hallmarks of a person worth emulating?

And what changes if they actually talk to their spouse about being upset at lack of sex? That’s right, nothing. The spouse makes excuses, says they’ll change and try, then it’s 3 weeks later and no still no sex. Fk that sht. Sometimes cheating is okay. Lack of intimacy in a marriage is grounds for divorce.

I'm not with you on the cheating. But the "communication is the cure" people are naive and delusional. Often times, it's just hormones. "Communicating" isn't going to change that. Either the couple can live with the status quo or they can't. If they can't - in my opinion - divorce is the answer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To the wives of men who are no longer interested in sleeping with their wives: How do you feel knowing that your husband finds other women sexually attractive but not you? How does your ego withstand the daily rejection of you as a sexual partner? When my ex did this to me, it was devastating.

If you are fat or a bi**h, you have nothing to complain about and the blame is on you. If he finds other women attractive and not you, then one of the above is likely true regardless of how much you think you look good or have a rational and pleasant personality

I was not fat or a b, but I still couldn’t remove 20 yrs from my age to be his preferred demographic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have an affair. Sex is great with my AP.

So you are very open in hidden and anonymous interactions, but are too cowardly to tell the only person whose knowledge matters, your spouse. Who taught you that sneaking around and hiding were the hallmarks of a person worth emulating?

And what changes if they actually talk to their spouse about being upset at lack of sex? That’s right, nothing. The spouse makes excuses, says they’ll change and try, then it’s 3 weeks later and no still no sex. Fk that sht. Sometimes cheating is okay. Lack of intimacy in a marriage is grounds for divorce.

I'm not with you on the cheating. But the "communication is the cure" people are naive and delusional. Often times, it's just hormones. "Communicating" isn't going to change that. Either the couple can live with the status quo or they can't. If they can't - in my opinion - divorce is the answer.

Anyone who is not mentally ill can live without sex. Would you divorce a spouse if they couldn't have sex for 2 years because they had cancer? Would you divorce them because they were in a coma or completely paralyzed and lacking feeling below the chest?

When people say communication is key, it means that there are mitigating circumstances that have been thoroughly discussed.

It's interesting how you wouldn't advise anyone to marry just for sex, but you would advice them to divorce just for sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To the wives of men who are no longer interested in sleeping with their wives: How do you feel knowing that your husband finds other women sexually attractive but not you? How does your ego withstand the daily rejection of you as a sexual partner? When my ex did this to me, it was devastating.

If you are fat or a bi**h, you have nothing to complain about and the blame is on you. If he finds other women attractive and not you, then one of the above is likely true regardless of how much you think you look good or have a rational and pleasant personality

I was not fat or a b, but I still couldn’t remove 20 yrs from my age to be his preferred demographic.

So your ex was a creep and your ego was bruised as a result of his sexual rejection? 🤔
Why would you want to have sex with someone like that? Do you not have hands and vibrators?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To the wives of men who are no longer interested in sleeping with their wives: How do you feel knowing that your husband finds other women sexually attractive but not you? How does your ego withstand the daily rejection of you as a sexual partner? When my ex did this to me, it was devastating.

If you are fat or a bi**h, you have nothing to complain about and the blame is on you. If he finds other women attractive and not you, then one of the above is likely true regardless of how much you think you look good or have a rational and pleasant personality

I was not fat or a b, but I still couldn’t remove 20 yrs from my age to be his preferred demographic.

So your ex was a creep and your ego was bruised as a result of his sexual rejection? 🤔
Why would you want to have sex with someone like that? Do you not have hands and vibrators?

For me, it’s not about orgasm. That I do better by myself anyway. It’s about the connection and intimacy and excitement that make you feel alive. Sex with a partner is (or should be) life affirming.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To the wives of men who are no longer interested in sleeping with their wives: How do you feel knowing that your husband finds other women sexually attractive but not you? How does your ego withstand the daily rejection of you as a sexual partner? When my ex did this to me, it was devastating.

If you are fat or a bi**h, you have nothing to complain about and the blame is on you. If he finds other women attractive and not you, then one of the above is likely true regardless of how much you think you look good or have a rational and pleasant personality

I was not fat or a b, but I still couldn’t remove 20 yrs from my age to be his preferred demographic.

So your ex was a creep and your ego was bruised as a result of his sexual rejection? 🤔
Why would you want to have sex with someone like that? Do you not have hands and vibrators?

For me, it’s not about orgasm. That I do better by myself anyway. It’s about the connection and intimacy and excitement that make you feel alive. Sex with a partner is (or should be) life affirming.

Exactly my point. Why would you want to connect, feel intimate, and excited with a man who does not find you desirable because you are 20 years older when he too is 20 years older too? Why being rejected by a man who should be sexually undesirable to you affect your ego?

Sex in a QUALITY relationship is wonderful. Not sure I would go as far as calling it life affirming because it is not life affirming on its own. Quality relationships are life affirming. Sex exponentially elevates the life affirming and intimate nature of a quality romantic relationship, but it does little more than a vibrator does when the quality of the relationship is lacking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have an affair. Sex is great with my AP.

So you are very open in hidden and anonymous interactions, but are too cowardly to tell the only person whose knowledge matters, your spouse. Who taught you that sneaking around and hiding were the hallmarks of a person worth emulating?

And what changes if they actually talk to their spouse about being upset at lack of sex? That’s right, nothing. The spouse makes excuses, says they’ll change and try, then it’s 3 weeks later and no still no sex. Fk that sht. Sometimes cheating is okay. Lack of intimacy in a marriage is grounds for divorce.

I'm not with you on the cheating. But the "communication is the cure" people are naive and delusional. Often times, it's just hormones. "Communicating" isn't going to change that. Either the couple can live with the status quo or they can't. If they can't - in my opinion - divorce is the answer.

Anyone who is not mentally ill can live without sex. Would you divorce a spouse if they couldn't have sex for 2 years because they had cancer? Would you divorce them because they were in a coma or completely paralyzed and lacking feeling below the chest?

When people say communication is key, it means that there are mitigating circumstances that have been thoroughly discussed.

It's interesting how you wouldn't advise anyone to marry just for sex, but you would advice them to divorce just for sex.

Life’s too short to listen to pandering drivel from asexual, low-T folks justifying why they suppress their partners natural desires and are proud of it. Fk that sht. Without it, life is empty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have an affair. Sex is great with my AP.

So you are very open in hidden and anonymous interactions, but are too cowardly to tell the only person whose knowledge matters, your spouse. Who taught you that sneaking around and hiding were the hallmarks of a person worth emulating?

And what changes if they actually talk to their spouse about being upset at lack of sex? That’s right, nothing. The spouse makes excuses, says they’ll change and try, then it’s 3 weeks later and no still no sex. Fk that sht. Sometimes cheating is okay. Lack of intimacy in a marriage is grounds for divorce.

I'm not with you on the cheating. But the "communication is the cure" people are naive and delusional. Often times, it's just hormones. "Communicating" isn't going to change that. Either the couple can live with the status quo or they can't. If they can't - in my opinion - divorce is the answer.

Anyone who is not mentally ill can live without sex. Would you divorce a spouse if they couldn't have sex for 2 years because they had cancer? Would you divorce them because they were in a coma or completely paralyzed and lacking feeling below the chest?

When people say communication is key, it means that there are mitigating circumstances that have been thoroughly discussed.

It's interesting how you wouldn't advise anyone to marry just for sex, but you would advice them to divorce just for sex.

Life’s too short to listen to pandering drivel from asexual, low-T folks justifying why they suppress their partners natural desires and are proud of it. Fk that sht. Without it, life is empty.

😀

I am not sure why this made me LOL.

So if your romantic partner was paralyzed and incapable of having sex, your life would be empty?

I agree with you that low-T folks should get medication they need to make things happen. That is unless both partners are low-T. That would work out perfectly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have an affair. Sex is great with my AP.

So you are very open in hidden and anonymous interactions, but are too cowardly to tell the only person whose knowledge matters, your spouse. Who taught you that sneaking around and hiding were the hallmarks of a person worth emulating?

And what changes if they actually talk to their spouse about being upset at lack of sex? That’s right, nothing. The spouse makes excuses, says they’ll change and try, then it’s 3 weeks later and no still no sex. Fk that sht. Sometimes cheating is okay. Lack of intimacy in a marriage is grounds for divorce.

I'm not with you on the cheating. But the "communication is the cure" people are naive and delusional. Often times, it's just hormones. "Communicating" isn't going to change that. Either the couple can live with the status quo or they can't. If they can't - in my opinion - divorce is the answer.

Anyone who is not mentally ill can live without sex. Would you divorce a spouse if they couldn't have sex for 2 years because they had cancer? Would you divorce them because they were in a coma or completely paralyzed and lacking feeling below the chest?

When people say communication is key, it means that there are mitigating circumstances that have been thoroughly discussed.

It's interesting how you wouldn't advise anyone to marry just for sex, but you would advice them to divorce just for sex.

Life’s too short to listen to pandering drivel from asexual, low-T folks justifying why they suppress their partners natural desires and are proud of it. Fk that sht. Without it, life is empty.

😀

I am not sure why this made me LOL.

So if your romantic partner was paralyzed and incapable of having sex, your life would be empty?

Yeah, you really nailed what PP was saying. Well done. Thanks for participating in good faith.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have an affair. Sex is great with my AP.

Ahh, I knew a selfish loser who lacks commitment, the ability to communicate and accountability would join this one. The dead bedroom in your case is likely do to you being a disgusting human. Good luck with the damage you caused.

Shut up. If one partner is literally causing the issue, the aggrieved partner should cheat. It’s as simple as that. You have no fking clue the kind of rejection and resentment lack of intimacy causes.

Not PP- Your opinion is valid if you replace cheat with file for divorce or ask for an open marriage. You have every right to pursue either of those options. Cheating is a sign of a dishonest coward with a character deficiency and those two flaws would make me have contempt for myself instead of my partner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have an affair. Sex is great with my AP.

So you are very open in hidden and anonymous interactions, but are too cowardly to tell the only person whose knowledge matters, your spouse. Who taught you that sneaking around and hiding were the hallmarks of a person worth emulating?

And what changes if they actually talk to their spouse about being upset at lack of sex? That’s right, nothing. The spouse makes excuses, says they’ll change and try, then it’s 3 weeks later and no still no sex. Fk that sht. Sometimes cheating is okay. Lack of intimacy in a marriage is grounds for divorce.

You don’t have to stay, but you do owe it to yourself and others to communicate the truth and make a decision that doesn’t make you hate yourself later. Cheating is never ok, divorcing would at least allow you to keep your integrity intact.

[Anonymous]

Only in response to the OP

masturbate? It's really not that difficult if everything else is working, but of course usually that's not the only problem. However, there are periods where life is super busy/kids involved and that's the easiest solution for any mismatch. It helps when the partner recognizes the mismatch and is fine with the solution.