How do people in dead bedroom marriages cope?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think men who no longer have sex with their wife are having sex secretly with other men. It's just that they can no longer get hard when they see p**y. They are now addicted to penis and that's the only think that will get them hard.

Am I wrong?

LOL, no they're just taking care of it in other ways

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My problem isn’t that I’m not sleeping with DH, it’s that I don’t *want* to sleep with him because he let himself get so out of shape and he puts zero effort into our relationship.

I hear you. My wife has become so angry, controlling and judgmental over the years that the thought of sleeping with her disgusts me. Thankfully alcohol is the cure!

Wow, I hear you! Incredible how unattractive constant scowling and rudenesss can be. Are all women like this behind closed doors? Just pissy for no reason?

lol no reason. It’s because she hates you because you’re a low effort loser.

Not necessarily, she could be depressed, perimenopausal or just a crappy communicator with unexpressed expectations. Women can be the cause of problems in a marriage too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have an affair. Sex is great with my AP.

So you are very open in hidden and anonymous interactions, but are too cowardly to tell the only person whose knowledge matters, your spouse. Who taught you that sneaking around and hiding were the hallmarks of a person worth emulating?

And what changes if they actually talk to their spouse about being upset at lack of sex? That’s right, nothing. The spouse makes excuses, says they’ll change and try, then it’s 3 weeks later and no still no sex. Fk that sht. Sometimes cheating is okay. Lack of intimacy in a marriage is grounds for divorce.

I'm not with you on the cheating. But the "communication is the cure" people are naive and delusional. Often times, it's just hormones. "Communicating" isn't going to change that. Either the couple can live with the status quo or they can't. If they can't - in my opinion - divorce is the answer.

Anyone who is not mentally ill can live without sex. Would you divorce a spouse if they couldn't have sex for 2 years because they had cancer? Would you divorce them because they were in a coma or completely paralyzed and lacking feeling below the chest?

When people say communication is key, it means that there are mitigating circumstances that have been thoroughly discussed.

It's interesting how you wouldn't advise anyone to marry just for sex, but you would advice them to divorce just for sex.

Anyone who is not mentally ill can do what needs to be done to get themselves in the mood to have sex with their spouse.

[Anonymous]

We both lost our libidos at the same time so it’s working out for us, LOL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have an affair. Sex is great with my AP.

So you are very open in hidden and anonymous interactions, but are too cowardly to tell the only person whose knowledge matters, your spouse. Who taught you that sneaking around and hiding were the hallmarks of a person worth emulating?

And what changes if they actually talk to their spouse about being upset at lack of sex? That’s right, nothing. The spouse makes excuses, says they’ll change and try, then it’s 3 weeks later and no still no sex. Fk that sht. Sometimes cheating is okay. Lack of intimacy in a marriage is grounds for divorce.

I'm not with you on the cheating. But the "communication is the cure" people are naive and delusional. Often times, it's just hormones. "Communicating" isn't going to change that. Either the couple can live with the status quo or they can't. If they can't - in my opinion - divorce is the answer.

Anyone who is not mentally ill can live without sex. . .

By your logic, you can live with your husband having sex with another woman, assuming you just decide to cut him off from sex for reasons other than cancer, etc.

Deciding “I don’t feel like it anymore” is not a valid reason. If you disagree, well, have fun living with all your cats.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have an affair. Sex is great with my AP.

So you are very open in hidden and anonymous interactions, but are too cowardly to tell the only person whose knowledge matters, your spouse. Who taught you that sneaking around and hiding were the hallmarks of a person worth emulating?

And what changes if they actually talk to their spouse about being upset at lack of sex? That’s right, nothing. The spouse makes excuses, says they’ll change and try, then it’s 3 weeks later and no still no sex. Fk that sht. Sometimes cheating is okay. Lack of intimacy in a marriage is grounds for divorce.

I'm not with you on the cheating. But the "communication is the cure" people are naive and delusional. Often times, it's just hormones. "Communicating" isn't going to change that. Either the couple can live with the status quo or they can't. If they can't - in my opinion - divorce is the answer.

Anyone who is not mentally ill can live without sex. . .

By your logic, you can live with your husband having sex with another woman, assuming you just decide to cut him off from sex for reasons other than cancer, etc.

Deciding “I don’t feel like it anymore” is not a valid reason. If you disagree, well, have fun living with all your cats.

What happens if he becomes selfish in bed and now is not very good at?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have an affair. Sex is great with my AP.

So you are very open in hidden and anonymous interactions, but are too cowardly to tell the only person whose knowledge matters, your spouse. Who taught you that sneaking around and hiding were the hallmarks of a person worth emulating?

And what changes if they actually talk to their spouse about being upset at lack of sex? That’s right, nothing. The spouse makes excuses, says they’ll change and try, then it’s 3 weeks later and no still no sex. Fk that sht. Sometimes cheating is okay. Lack of intimacy in a marriage is grounds for divorce.

I'm not with you on the cheating. But the "communication is the cure" people are naive and delusional. Often times, it's just hormones. "Communicating" isn't going to change that. Either the couple can live with the status quo or they can't. If they can't - in my opinion - divorce is the answer.

Anyone who is not mentally ill can live without sex. . .

By your logic, you can live with your husband having sex with another woman, assuming you just decide to cut him off from sex for reasons other than cancer, etc.

Deciding “I don’t feel like it anymore” is not a valid reason. If you disagree, well, have fun living with all your cats.

Yep, that is what communication means. You work to find solutions together. All else being equal, if I did not have any libido and could not find any with the help of medication and therapy, I'd have no problem with him looking elsewhere. I am qualifying that statement with ' all else being equal' because I wouldn't agree to it for a selfish man. Some of you sound like stray dogs ready to hump everything the moment adversity comes your way. So if I were married to someone similar to some of you, I'd take the cats please.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have an affair. Sex is great with my AP.

So you are very open in hidden and anonymous interactions, but are too cowardly to tell the only person whose knowledge matters, your spouse. Who taught you that sneaking around and hiding were the hallmarks of a person worth emulating?

And what changes if they actually talk to their spouse about being upset at lack of sex? That’s right, nothing. The spouse makes excuses, says they’ll change and try, then it’s 3 weeks later and no still no sex. Fk that sht. Sometimes cheating is okay. Lack of intimacy in a marriage is grounds for divorce.

I'm not with you on the cheating. But the "communication is the cure" people are naive and delusional. Often times, it's just hormones. "Communicating" isn't going to change that. Either the couple can live with the status quo or they can't. If they can't - in my opinion - divorce is the answer.

Anyone who is not mentally ill can live without sex. . .

By your logic, you can live with your husband having sex with another woman, assuming you just decide to cut him off from sex for reasons other than cancer, etc.

Deciding “I don’t feel like it anymore” is not a valid reason. If you disagree, well, have fun living with all your cats.

What happens if he becomes selfish in bed and now is not very good at?

If he was bad at it before you married him, your dumb for marrying him.

If he becomes bad over time, he doesn't care about your pleasure and you should outsource it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have an affair. Sex is great with my AP.

So you are very open in hidden and anonymous interactions, but are too cowardly to tell the only person whose knowledge matters, your spouse. Who taught you that sneaking around and hiding were the hallmarks of a person worth emulating?

And what changes if they actually talk to their spouse about being upset at lack of sex? That’s right, nothing. The spouse makes excuses, says they’ll change and try, then it’s 3 weeks later and no still no sex. Fk that sht. Sometimes cheating is okay. Lack of intimacy in a marriage is grounds for divorce.

I'm not with you on the cheating. But the "communication is the cure" people are naive and delusional. Often times, it's just hormones. "Communicating" isn't going to change that. Either the couple can live with the status quo or they can't. If they can't - in my opinion - divorce is the answer.

Anyone who is not mentally ill can live without sex. . .

By your logic, you can live with your husband having sex with another woman, assuming you just decide to cut him off from sex for reasons other than cancer, etc.

Deciding “I don’t feel like it anymore” is not a valid reason. If you disagree, well, have fun living with all your cats.

Yep, that is what communication means. You work to find solutions together. All else being equal, if I did not have any libido and could not find any with the help of medication and therapy, I'd have no problem with him looking elsewhere. I am qualifying that statement with ' all else being equal' because I wouldn't agree to it for a selfish man. Some of you sound like stray dogs ready to hump everything the moment adversity comes your way. So if I were married to someone similar to some of you, I'd take the cats please.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have an affair. Sex is great with my AP.

So you are very open in hidden and anonymous interactions, but are too cowardly to tell the only person whose knowledge matters, your spouse. Who taught you that sneaking around and hiding were the hallmarks of a person worth emulating?

And what changes if they actually talk to their spouse about being upset at lack of sex? That’s right, nothing. The spouse makes excuses, says they’ll change and try, then it’s 3 weeks later and no still no sex. Fk that sht. Sometimes cheating is okay. Lack of intimacy in a marriage is grounds for divorce.

I'm not with you on the cheating. But the "communication is the cure" people are naive and delusional. Often times, it's just hormones. "Communicating" isn't going to change that. Either the couple can live with the status quo or they can't. If they can't - in my opinion - divorce is the answer.

Anyone who is not mentally ill can live without sex. . .

By your logic, you can live with your husband having sex with another woman, assuming you just decide to cut him off from sex for reasons other than cancer, etc.

Deciding “I don’t feel like it anymore” is not a valid reason. If you disagree, well, have fun living with all your cats.

Yep, that is what communication means. You work to find solutions together. All else being equal, if I did not have any libido and could not find any with the help of medication and therapy, I'd have no problem with him looking elsewhere. I am qualifying that statement with ' all else being equal' because I wouldn't agree to it for a selfish man. Some of you sound like stray dogs ready to hump everything the moment adversity comes your way. So if I were married to someone similar to some of you, I'd take the cats please.

The assertion that "communication" necessarily involves finding solutions is really straining the meaning of that word to the breaking point. Communication is an exchange of information. What you do with that information is another step entirely. I think you're right though. Couples not only need to communicate. They need to work together to find solutions (which will be made easier through communication.) But when couples are given the the advice to communicate, I think they also need to be reminded to find solutions - because that piece is often left out of the advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have an affair. Sex is great with my AP.

So you are very open in hidden and anonymous interactions, but are too cowardly to tell the only person whose knowledge matters, your spouse. Who taught you that sneaking around and hiding were the hallmarks of a person worth emulating?

And what changes if they actually talk to their spouse about being upset at lack of sex? That’s right, nothing. The spouse makes excuses, says they’ll change and try, then it’s 3 weeks later and no still no sex. Fk that sht. Sometimes cheating is okay. Lack of intimacy in a marriage is grounds for divorce.

I'm not with you on the cheating. But the "communication is the cure" people are naive and delusional. Often times, it's just hormones. "Communicating" isn't going to change that. Either the couple can live with the status quo or they can't. If they can't - in my opinion - divorce is the answer.

Anyone who is not mentally ill can live without sex. . .

By your logic, you can live with your husband having sex with another woman, assuming you just decide to cut him off from sex for reasons other than cancer, etc.

Deciding “I don’t feel like it anymore” is not a valid reason. If you disagree, well, have fun living with all your cats.

What happens if he becomes selfish in bed and now is not very good at?

If he was bad at it before you married him, your dumb for marrying him.

If he becomes bad over time, he doesn't care about your pleasure and you should outsource it.

Bad over time, unfortunately.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Only in response to the OP

masturbate? It's really not that difficult if everything else is working, but of course usually that's not the only problem. However, there are periods where life is super busy/kids involved and that's the easiest solution for any mismatch. It helps when the partner recognizes the mismatch and is fine with the solution.

This is not an option for people with morals

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Only in response to the OP

masturbate? It's really not that difficult if everything else is working, but of course usually that's not the only problem. However, there are periods where life is super busy/kids involved and that's the easiest solution for any mismatch. It helps when the partner recognizes the mismatch and is fine with the solution.

This is not an option for people with morals

Oh dear God, Church Lady Troll, masturbation is sinful, too?
What about when you have a wet dream? Sinful?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Only in response to the OP

masturbate? It's really not that difficult if everything else is working, but of course usually that's not the only problem. However, there are periods where life is super busy/kids involved and that's the easiest solution for any mismatch. It helps when the partner recognizes the mismatch and is fine with the solution.

This is not an option for people with morals

Oh dear God, Church Lady Troll, masturbation is sinful, too?
What about when you have a wet dream? Sinful?

😀

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have an affair. Sex is great with my AP.

So you are very open in hidden and anonymous interactions, but are too cowardly to tell the only person whose knowledge matters, your spouse. Who taught you that sneaking around and hiding were the hallmarks of a person worth emulating?

And what changes if they actually talk to their spouse about being upset at lack of sex? That’s right, nothing. The spouse makes excuses, says they’ll change and try, then it’s 3 weeks later and no still no sex. Fk that sht. Sometimes cheating is okay. Lack of intimacy in a marriage is grounds for divorce.

I'm not with you on the cheating. But the "communication is the cure" people are naive and delusional. Often times, it's just hormones. "Communicating" isn't going to change that. Either the couple can live with the status quo or they can't. If they can't - in my opinion - divorce is the answer.

Anyone who is not mentally ill can live without sex. . .

By your logic, you can live with your husband having sex with another woman, assuming you just decide to cut him off from sex for reasons other than cancer, etc.

Deciding “I don’t feel like it anymore” is not a valid reason. If you disagree, well, have fun living with all your cats.

What happens if he becomes selfish in bed and now is not very good at?

If he was bad at it before you married him, your dumb for marrying him.

If he becomes bad over time, he doesn't care about your pleasure and you should outsource it.

You can’t outsource your pleasure if your husband doesn’t do about 50% of the parenting. Mine dumps everything on me in addition to my full-time job so the only way I will be able to find pleasure with another person is if I first leave him. It’s not a question of if but when.