How do people in dead bedroom marriages cope?

[Anonymous]

I think men who no longer have sex with their wife are having sex secretly with other men. It's just that they can no longer get hard when they see p**y. They are now addicted to penis and that's the only think that will get them hard.

Am I wrong?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean ... I've just managed.

DH has zero interest, and I'm not going to force him. He does not want to discuss it, and I'm not going to force him to. It bothered me for a while, when I was younger and had a stronger sex drive, but I got over it. When your spouse is amazing in every other regard, you can live without it. DH and I have been together for over 20 years and I still feel like I won the lottery because he's so great and our life is better than anything I could have wished for. If that weren't the case? I wouldn't have put up with the dead bedroom part.

I also think that people who are in sexless marriages due to no fault of their own have the right to go look for that particular thing elsewhere and it is no business of the other spouse -- but I never have as I have enough to juggle in life, lol; too much trouble.

He's so great, but he refuses to discuss something that bothers his spouse? Sounds like a contradiction. Usually being a good spouse requires being attentive to your partner's wants and needs. Doesn't mean you have to 100% comply with everything, but at least discuss the difference. Are we to we believe sex is the only time he ignores your needs and wants? If yes, why does he become so selfish when it comes to sex, but he's very generous all other times?

Not a contradiction at all. People often have trauma that they aren't willing to discuss. It's fine -- not everyone needs to discuss everything, and talking about some things can in fact make it worse. Ultimately I was very willing to subjugate my desire to discuss it (and do it) to his need not to. I have never felt neglected in any other way, and don't feel that he is "selfish" at all. He is a very generous partner otherwise (and a very generous person in general, toward pretty much everyone). You seem to feel the need to convince yourself of something negative about a stranger on the internet's relationship -- perhaps you should look into why.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean ... I've just managed.

DH has zero interest, and I'm not going to force him. He does not want to discuss it, and I'm not going to force him to. It bothered me for a while, when I was younger and had a stronger sex drive, but I got over it. When your spouse is amazing in every other regard, you can live without it. DH and I have been together for over 20 years and I still feel like I won the lottery because he's so great and our life is better than anything I could have wished for. If that weren't the case? I wouldn't have put up with the dead bedroom part.

I also think that people who are in sexless marriages due to no fault of their own have the right to go look for that particular thing elsewhere and it is no business of the other spouse -- but I never have as I have enough to juggle in life, lol; too much trouble.

You should take your own advice.

PP here. I don't have that kind of energy or time. Like I said -- too much trouble.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think men who no longer have sex with their wife are having sex secretly with other men. It's just that they can no longer get hard when they see p**y. They are now addicted to penis and that's the only think that will get them hard.

Am I wrong?

Yes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My problem isn’t that I’m not sleeping with DH, it’s that I don’t *want* to sleep with him because he let himself get so out of shape and he puts zero effort into our relationship.

I hear you. My wife has become so angry, controlling and judgmental over the years that the thought of sleeping with her disgusts me. Thankfully alcohol is the cure!

[Anonymous]

Side piece

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think men who no longer have sex with their wife are having sex secretly with other men. It's just that they can no longer get hard when they see p**y. They are now addicted to penis and that's the only think that will get them hard.

Am I wrong?

That’s why my AP is trans. She looks like Gia Darling.

[Anonymous]

Thank god I’m not controlled by sex. I could not imagine having that ruin my life.

It’s like incels that are so driven by primal urges they shoot up something.

I think maybe some people are just more evolved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If the DW doesn’t want it, the Husband is to blame. He’s not doing (choose whatever) and needs to get over it, as it’s not that important. If the DH doesn’t want it, he’s gay, or having an affair, and it’s time to divorce the loser and take him for everything.

At least that’s how it’s handled on DCUM.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean ... I've just managed.

DH has zero interest, and I'm not going to force him. He does not want to discuss it, and I'm not going to force him to. It bothered me for a while, when I was younger and had a stronger sex drive, but I got over it. When your spouse is amazing in every other regard, you can live without it. DH and I have been together for over 20 years and I still feel like I won the lottery because he's so great and our life is better than anything I could have wished for. If that weren't the case? I wouldn't have put up with the dead bedroom part.

I also think that people who are in sexless marriages due to no fault of their own have the right to go look for that particular thing elsewhere and it is no business of the other spouse -- but I never have as I have enough to juggle in life, lol; too much trouble.

He's so great, but he refuses to discuss something that bothers his spouse? Sounds like a contradiction. Usually being a good spouse requires being attentive to your partner's wants and needs. Doesn't mean you have to 100% comply with everything, but at least discuss the difference. Are we to we believe sex is the only time he ignores your needs and wants? If yes, why does he become so selfish when it comes to sex, but he's very generous all other times?

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I masturbate. Everything else is great, so that suffices.

+1 - He's an amazing partner in all other ways, not going to kick him to the curb for this one. We still snuggle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean ... I've just managed.

DH has zero interest, and I'm not going to force him. He does not want to discuss it, and I'm not going to force him to. It bothered me for a while, when I was younger and had a stronger sex drive, but I got over it. When your spouse is amazing in every other regard, you can live without it. DH and I have been together for over 20 years and I still feel like I won the lottery because he's so great and our life is better than anything I could have wished for. If that weren't the case? I wouldn't have put up with the dead bedroom part.
king about some things can in fact make it worse. Ultimately I was very willing to subjugate my desire to discuss it (and do it) to his need not to. I ha
I also think that people who are in sexless marriages due to no fault of their own have the right to go look for that particular thing elsewhere and it is no business of the other spouse -- but I never have as I have enough to juggle in life, lol; too much trouble.

He's so great, but he refuses to discuss something that bothers his spouse? Sounds like a contradiction. Usually being a good spouse requires being attentive to your partner's wants and needs. Doesn't mean you have to 100% comply with everything, but at least discuss the difference. Are we to we believe sex is the only time he ignores your needs and wants? If yes, why does he become so selfish when it comes to sex, but he's very generous all other times?

Not a contradiction at all. People often have trauma that they aren't willing to discuss. It's fine -- not everyone needs to discuss everything, and talve never felt neglected in any other way, and don't feel that he is "selfish" at all. He is a very generous partner otherwise (and a very generous person in general, toward pretty much everyone). You seem to feel the need to convince yourself of something negative about a stranger on the internet's relationship -- perhaps you should look into why.

FWIW I get this and my marriage is similar. Candidly I wouldn't be surprised if more people are like this but no one wants to talk about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thank god I’m not controlled by sex. I could not imagine having that ruin my life.

It’s like incels that are so driven by primal urges they shoot up something.

I think maybe some people are just more evolved.

This is how I feel. My spouse and I had great sex while dating, and active sex life after marriage, and then it declined after kids and now we don't have much sex. We are both over 50. I have no interest in throwing my entire marriage and family out the window so that I can get laid on a more regular basis. Sex is nice but it is not the most important thing in life and what I have in my marriage is WAY more important. I cannot imagine breaking up my family for that reason. It sounds so, so childish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think men who no longer have sex with their wife are having sex secretly with other men. It's just that they can no longer get hard when they see p**y. They are now addicted to penis and that's the only think that will get them hard.

Am I wrong?

See the first post on page 2.

[Anonymous]

If they both agree they're asexual it's fine. If one partner is neglected it's not. But if your're an a** all week and do nothing to make your spouse happy don't be surprised when she rejects your advances.