I went to visit a swingers club for the first time. AMA

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How is this even legal. It’s a lesson of Sodom and Gomorrah

Why would it be illegal. No one’s engaging in prostitution. It’s just people having as much or as little sex as they want with other willing, consenting adults. Maybe some are just dancing and watching. Some are doing it in private rooms, some are in a group room. What’s the big deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Keep the questions as clean as you can and I will do my best to answer all posted here. I won’t name the exact club or day I went, but the visit was in the last month.

I’m doing this because it was way less scary than I built it up in my mind. I am hoping to help others who are curious and nervous about making the first step/visit.

How attractive were the people? Being propositioned by people I find unattractive and having to see them getting raunchy with each other would turn my stomach.

If you read through the thread, I address attractiveness at several points. If your stomach turns at the idea of someone that you don't find attractive enjoying their body or someone else's body, this is probably not the environment for you. I didn't see anyone that I found grossly unattractive, but had I, I would have just looked away. I don't know what your personal definition of attractiveness is because that is very personal, but please keep in mind that you might be someone's idea of unattractive. Body acceptance (yours and others) is key for enjoying a lifestyle club.

DP. But realistically it sounds like all the women there were in fact performing femininity (all dressed up, taking the role of the traditionally “sexy” one) whereas the men just put on a nice pair of slacks. Although I find the “lifestyle” clubs intriguing I think I would feel very off-put at the reproduction of mainstream gender stuff.

Most people in the lifestyle, like most people not in it, are into mainstream gender stuff. But I’m sure you can find subgroups in the lifestyle for gender non conforming people. (Not OP here, but I’m pretty sure I know where she went).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For those of you interested but not as brave as OP, try the Lyonesse series of books. Sierra Simone. Good on audible too. It is not for everybody: https://www.goodreads.com/series/359577-lyonesse

Thanks for the book recco. Much appreciated. Let me know if you have more!

I do. Cleanly tell me what you like.

For those who would like an intro to smut, I suggest the American Queen Series.
Naughty Priests? Priest series by Sierra Simone
Books with this type of club but more edgy, Taking Turns, JA Huss

Some people acquired an alcohol habit during Covid, I acquired a smutty one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How is this even legal. It’s a lesson of Sodom and Gomorrah

Well, there's this thing called the Constitution and it separates church and state so there's that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Keep the questions as clean as you can and I will do my best to answer all posted here. I won’t name the exact club or day I went, but the visit was in the last month.

I’m doing this because it was way less scary than I built it up in my mind. I am hoping to help others who are curious and nervous about making the first step/visit.

How attractive were the people? Being propositioned by people I find unattractive and having to see them getting raunchy with each other would turn my stomach.

If you read through the thread, I address attractiveness at several points. If your stomach turns at the idea of someone that you don't find attractive enjoying their body or someone else's body, this is probably not the environment for you. I didn't see anyone that I found grossly unattractive, but had I, I would have just looked away. I don't know what your personal definition of attractiveness is because that is very personal, but please keep in mind that you might be someone's idea of unattractive. Body acceptance (yours and others) is key for enjoying a lifestyle club.

DP. But realistically it sounds like all the women there were in fact performing femininity (all dressed up, taking the role of the traditionally “sexy” one) whereas the men just put on a nice pair of slacks. Although I find the “lifestyle” clubs intriguing I think I would feel very off-put at the reproduction of mainstream gender stuff.

Most people in the lifestyle, like most people not in it, are into mainstream gender stuff. But I’m sure you can find subgroups in the lifestyle for gender non conforming people. (Not OP here, but I’m pretty sure I know where she went).

I don’t even need “gender nonconforming” but I think it would be pretty irritating and not a turn-on if the event just reprised mainstream pr0n scenarios. It’s supposed to be “swinging” but just for the edification of the men or for women like OP who specifically enjoy that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are there non sexual intro events for vetting each other?

Not OP but I've been to a few clubs in a different state. I think people would be surprised by how non sexual a lot of it is. The ones I visited had strict rules about no nudity or sex in common areas. You might occasionally see a boob out but it's not like people are walking around naked or having sex on the dance floor. It's like a club or a bar and then there are rooms for whatever kind of sexual activity you're interested in. Sometimes I participated and sometimes I didn't. It was a very casual, no pressure environment.

[Anonymous]

Having sex in a public place for starters, yet making it a members only club gets around that. It sounds like a cesspool of infectious diseases, drugs and depravites. If going back to Hugh Hefner’s grotto parties of the 70s or the bathhouses of the 80s is your jam, I’ll shoo away from your and hub’s party.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How is this even legal. It’s a lesson of Sodom and Gomorrah

Do you think that really happened?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Keep the questions as clean as you can and I will do my best to answer all posted here. I won’t name the exact club or day I went, but the visit was in the last month.

I’m doing this because it was way less scary than I built it up in my mind. I am hoping to help others who are curious and nervous about making the first step/visit.

How attractive were the people? Being propositioned by people I find unattractive and having to see them getting raunchy with each other would turn my stomach.

If you read through the thread, I address attractiveness at several points. If your stomach turns at the idea of someone that you don't find attractive enjoying their body or someone else's body, this is probably not the environment for you. I didn't see anyone that I found grossly unattractive, but had I, I would have just looked away. I don't know what your personal definition of attractiveness is because that is very personal, but please keep in mind that you might be someone's idea of unattractive. Body acceptance (yours and others) is key for enjoying a lifestyle club.

DP. But realistically it sounds like all the women there were in fact performing femininity (all dressed up, taking the role of the traditionally “sexy” one) whereas the men just put on a nice pair of slacks. Although I find the “lifestyle” clubs intriguing I think I would feel very off-put at the reproduction of mainstream gender stuff.

Most people in the lifestyle, like most people not in it, are into mainstream gender stuff. But I’m sure you can find subgroups in the lifestyle for gender non conforming people. (Not OP here, but I’m pretty sure I know where she went).

I don’t even need “gender nonconforming” but I think it would be pretty irritating and not a turn-on if the event just reprised mainstream pr0n scenarios. It’s supposed to be “swinging” but just for the edification of the men or for women like OP who specifically enjoy that?

DP. I always hate the vibe where women have to go all out to be sexy and men wear a clean shirt too. But I’m not quite sure what you are saying above. What other type of swingers club were you imagining?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How is this even legal. It’s a lesson of Sodom and Gomorrah

Do you think that really happened?

Everthing in the Bible is true!
Don Trump told me so!

[Anonymous]

Glad you had fun OP! I'm in my 30s and my husband and I have been doing the swinger/ENM thing for a few years now. FWIW the club scene was thrilling at first but the novelty of screwing strangers wore off quickly after a while. We have much preferred being part of an ENM community that we found through Feeld. You may find a similar community through the couples you met, but if not, I'd encourage you to look for it if it turns out that non-monogamy is your thing but anonymous sex isn't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Would you consider it safe for a solo woman? Do they offer valet parking?

(Not OP) I'm a single woman who has attended several different clubs. I feel safer at these clubs than I do at a typical bar. Married men have always treated me the way they would want their wives to be treated. Also, everyone in the community looks out for one another, especially when it comes to single women. Single women are in high demand so the last thing they want to do is scare them away. The community is a small world and if someone did anything inappropriate they wouldn't be welcomed back and word would get around. Obviously no system is perfect and sometimes bad things happen, but I never felt unsafe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would you consider it safe for a solo woman? Do they offer valet parking?

(Not OP) I'm a single woman who has attended several different clubs. I feel safer at these clubs than I do at a typical bar. Married men have always treated me the way they would want their wives to be treated. Also, everyone in the community looks out for one another, especially when it comes to single women. Single women are in high demand so the last thing they want to do is scare them away. The community is a small world and if someone did anything inappropriate they wouldn't be welcomed back and word would get around. Obviously no system is perfect and sometimes bad things happen, but I never felt unsafe.

This. Also not NP but have experience with this. It’s an environment and a community that is more supportive of women than most other places where men and women are together. Men really try to be at their best behaviorally which is part of why they dress professionally. A place I’ve been wants men to wear suits, not just clean polos.

[Anonymous]

Cool.

The year before we got divorced, we went to a swingers club in PG county. We also traveled to one of the nudist lifestyle resorts in Mexico.

The club was super strange and I wouldn't go back. The resort was a nice vacation that I would do again just to enjoy a quiet beach. I never participated in swinging, really just observed, explored the subculture, decided it wasn't for me. Too many rules around communication, homophobia/double standards around bisexuality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:😴🥱

OP strikes me as insecure and seeking validation and attention in a lot of different spaces.

The fatty has entered the chat!

The body shaming has no place.